So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

I know how hard it is to lift that one foot in front of the other.

Meeting a new little person’s every need without even thinking about your own—much.

You feel as if you cannot move, as if there are bricks tied to your feet instead of shoes. You see the pamphlets from the doctors, telling you to call if the anger or anxiety or sadness gets to be too much—after all, everyone’s hormones shift after birth.

There is something more to what you’re feeling, a deep and complex sadness. Maybe a hopelessness even because your life will never just simply be “yours”. You feel the pressure to be happy and that thrusts you deeper into the sadness. How could you ever capture and savor every moment when you can hardly stand to exist in this one?

I understand because I have been there.

I remember looking at the glowing clock on my side table as I dragged my feet to another feeding; slowly I felt the dark creep in and I was naïve as to how long it would take to fade. I didn’t dread the baby, I simply dreaded the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and the harrowed thoughts screaming that I would be better off dead.

I have walked where you have. Up and down those hallowed halls at two in the morning—not with a baby in arms fussing but with tears in my eyes fighting my anxiety and this horrible weight and dark thoughts on my heart that I am simply just not meant to be a good mother and that my baby should be anywhere, literally anywhere else.

I have sat in those therapists’ offices who cycle through every antidepressant out there only to feel little to no sunshine piercing your darkness.

I have cried to my partner on the floor in the middle of the night because I simply cannot take the numbness anymore, I want to run away from myself and everyone around me, but at the same time this tiny little bundle owns me, heart and soul.

Although these words may feel ugly, they ring true for more women in the world than doctors would care to mention. It is not just you.

You. Are. Not. Alone.

I have also been there as I hold my baby, swaddled, as the morning sun rises and kisses his face. For a moment, my heart knows peace and contentment and I don’t want to ever move.

I have been there in my husband’s arms as he offers me comfort only he could, holding me through the darkest months of life I have ever known.

I have been there for that moment when the sun does peek through the clouds and I feel like a human again.

For the first time today, 10 months later, I felt some of the weight being lifted. Some of the chasm closing in on itself. I did not feel so completely hollow and sad.

I looked at my bouncing boy and appreciated all the details that I couldn’t bear to before. I saw the sun hit the gray flecks in his blue eyes, giggling, patting my face and chanting “Mama, Mama” almost like he knew I needed the reassurance. The permission to dare to see the dark lifting.

It. Does. Get. Better.

You are going to be OK. Please. Hold onto that line and make it your mantra. Your child, your family, and yourself—they all need you. Like air or like water. You are integral and irreplaceable.

I can now bear it. I can see him growing now at 10 months old. Eyes of his father, hair with my highlights—I savor his laughs and his breathy little coos. I study his movements and his little wiggles and stumbles, learning how to be human and in command of himself. And I look around and I am so thankfulso, so thankful—for every single person who told me to stay and take hold of the fact that it’s going to be alright.

You may also like:

I Made PB&J Sandwiches, Then Got in the Car to Die

Five Strategies I Use to Beat Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

New Mom Takes Her Own Life After Silent Battle With Postpartum Depression: Why All Of Us Must Share Her Friend’s Plea

Christina Levandowski

I am a newer author but have been writing since my youth. From as young as 6 or 7, I had been writing and submitting my short stories to magazines across the Nation. I am passionate about sharing my story as a young mama who has gone through tremendous hardship with chronic illness, postpartum depression, and anxiety.

So God Made a Mother With a Willing Heart

In: Motherhood
Mother and daughter smiling, color photo

You may have heard it said that God only gives special children to special parents.   But, when God made the mother of a child who has special needs, the Lord did not need a special mother, the Lord needed a mother who was willing. God needed a woman who would say yes to an assignment that many choose not to accept. The Lord knew she wouldn’t feel qualified to raise a child with special needs, but that didn’t matter because God would equip her every step of the way. Since there is no such thing as a perfect mother,...

Keep Reading

Mothering One Day at a Time

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding daughter in matching shirts, color photo

As I sat with my growing belly, full of anticipation for the arrival of my firstborn, the possibilities were endless for this little girl. Maybe she would lean toward the arts and be a dancer, writer, or musician. Or maybe she would take after her great-granddad and become a scientist. And maybe one day she would be a mother too. Dreaming about the future was fun and exciting. But then she surprised us with an at-birth Down syndrome diagnosis. Special needs were never included in my dreaming sessions.    All of the sudden, my hopes and dreams for this new...

Keep Reading

Fall into the Arms of Jesus, Little One

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Child walking

I have three younger brothers, so I know how crazy and wild boys can be. Lots of falls, cuts, scrapes, bruises, broken bones, and even a couple of head stitches. My husband has two younger brothers. He’d always tell how they used to jump from the banister down two floors onto the glass coffee table. Why anyone would do that, I have no idea. Pure madness and chaos.  Right now, I have a little baby boy who’s only seven months, but I know he will probably be just as wild as his uncles and dad. But that doesn’t mean I’m...

Keep Reading

No Screens Before 7: How Our Family Broke Free of the Screentime Habit

In: Living, Motherhood
Kids using smartphones

“We still have three more minutes!” my 7-year-old says, bouncing with Christmas-like anticipation and excitement. “Well,” I say, looking from him to his 9-year-old sister, “what could you do for three minutes?” “Leg wrestle!” they exclaim and run to the carpeted living room. This life-filled exchange was not happening in my home just a couple of months ago.  In spite of my best efforts, screen time had taken over. Both the kids and I would slip into this zombie-like, space-time vortex. I would look up and know it wasn’t healthy, but it was just so easy to just keep on...

Keep Reading

You Don’t Have to Lose Yourself to Be a Good Mom

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman brushing wet hair

There is nothing wrong with losing yourself in motherhood. Diving in head first, serving your kids and spouse endlessly, never asking for a break, being proud for providing an amazing childhood for your kids, and allowing mom to become your entire identity. But what if you don’t want that?  When did this become the standard of motherhood we are all expected to achieve? Why does society say the best mom is the one that’s 110% physically and emotionally available for her kids all the time and never does anything for herself? Why are you less of a mom if you...

Keep Reading

10 Tips to Banish Teenage FOMO

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Teen with red hair smiling

Do you ever feel like the whole world is having a party—and you weren’t invited Maybe you worry about being included in the right groups or invited to the right sleepovers. Maybe you envy the relationships you see at school or youth group or feel jealous of the perfect social media posts showing others making memories together. If you’re a teen in 2022, you’re probably well acquainted with the fear of missing out. Knowing or wondering what you’re missing or who is getting together without you can leave you feeling lonely. It can leave you lonely and a little blue....

Keep Reading

I Know It’s Just Summer Camp but I Miss You Already

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Kids by campfire

You would’ve thought I was sending you off to college. The way I triple-checked to make sure you had everything you needed and reminded you about the little things like brushing your teeth and drinking plenty of water about a thousand times. You would’ve thought I was sending you to live on your own. The way I hugged you tight and had to fight back some tears. The way you paused before leaving just to smile at me. The way I kept thinking about that boyish grin all the way home. The way I kept thinking about how you’re looking...

Keep Reading

I Want My Boys To Become Men of Character

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young boys with arms around each other by water

I’m a single mama of two young boys. As a woman raising young boys, I’ve thought a lot about how I want them to act—as kids and adults. We joke around that I’m not raising farm animals, and we don’t live in a frat house. I’m trying to plant seeds now so they grow into men with positive character traits. They burp, fart, spray toothpaste on the sink and somehow miss the toilet often, but I’m trying to teach them life lessons about what it means to be great men and gentlemen.  Interactions with other men provide opportunities for us...

Keep Reading

I’m So Thankful For This Little Family

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Toddler boy and infant girl, color photo

I remember my teenage self dreaming, hoping, and praying for a life like I have now. Praying for a man to love me, to be loyal to me, to want a family with me, to provide for me, to show me what stability felt like and what it felt like to not ever have to worry . . . and here he is right in front of me. I remember my teenage self dreaming, hoping, praying for a house I could make a home and raise my family in. Here it is right in front of me. But most of...

Keep Reading

The Kids are Grown—Now What?

In: Grown Children, Motherhood
Middle aged couple at home smiling

Between video chats with our son stationed overseas, our daughter flits in and out our door from college while the shoe jungle by the front door and lack of peanut butter in the house are proof our youngest adult son is still under our roof.  Our kids are now independent—almost. Gone are the days of diapers, endless food preparations, naps (well, not for me), and announcing everyone’s daily schedule like a calendar drill sergeant. After years of simultaneously spinning multiple plates on various body parts, we managed—by God’s grace—to raise three kids to adulthood. We made it! (High five!) We...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!


Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime