I didn’t know.
I didn’t know it would be this hard.
That I’d be this tired.
That I’d get so frustrated.
That I’d cry this much.
That I’d feel like a failure on a daily basis.
That I’d give my all and constantly wonder if it’s enough.
That I’d do all the things I said I’d never do.
That I’d be busy all day, yet it’d look more like I binge-watched Netflix and ate bonbons.
That I’d question myself all the time.
That I’d make so many mistakes.
But I didn’t know.
I didn’t know I could love like this.
That I could function on so little sleep.
That I could be this patient.
That my heart would break each and every time yours does.
That I’d be so afraid of failing because I know raising you is the most important job I’ll ever have.
That, despite your protests, I’d always stick to my guns on the important stuff.
That I could happily leave a sink full of dishes unwashed and the floor unswept to play a game of hide-and-seek.
That when I mess up, my apologies would become an unforgettable lesson in grace and forgiveness for us both.
Because I didn’t know.
Before you, I thought I knew.
But I didn’t.
Not even close.
And I’m still learning.
And there’s nothing more beautiful—more humbling, more breathtaking—than learning to be your mama.
This post originally appeared on Kisses From Boys with Krista Ward