I didn’t know.

I didn’t know it would be this hard.

That I’d be this tired.

That I’d get so frustrated.

That I’d cry this much.

That I’d feel like a failure on a daily basis.

That I’d give my all and constantly wonder if it’s enough.

That I’d do all the things I said I’d never do.

That I’d be busy all day, yet it’d look more like I binge-watched Netflix and ate bonbons.

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That I’d question myself all the time.

That I’d make so many mistakes.

But I didn’t know.

I didn’t know I could love like this.

That I could function on so little sleep.

That I could be this patient.

That my heart would break each and every time yours does.

That I’d be so afraid of failing because I know raising you is the most important job I’ll ever have.

That, despite your protests, I’d always stick to my guns on the important stuff.

That I could happily leave a sink full of dishes unwashed and the floor unswept to play a game of hide-and-seek.

That when I mess up, my apologies would become an unforgettable lesson in grace and forgiveness for us both.

Because I didn’t know.

Before you, I thought I knew.

But I didn’t.

Not even close.

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And I’m still learning.

Every day.

Every hour.

Every minute.

And there’s nothing more beautiful—more humbling, more breathtaking—than learning to be your mama.

This post originally appeared on Kisses From Boys with Krista Ward

 

Krista Ward

Krista is a former first grade teacher turned stay-at-home mom to her insanely precious little boys, Hudson and Jones. She is married to her best friend and high school sweetheart, Randy, who is the peanut butter to her chocolate. Krista hopes to be a light and joy to the world, especially other mamas feeling stuck in the daily grind, through her writing.