I Wish I Could Be the Perfect Mother

A Gift for Mom! 🤍

I hate the feeling.

All of the feelings of feeling like I have no idea what I’m doing.

I don’t like to get too caught up in the idea that I’m only 23 years old and the ideology that somehow that is an excuse for not being aware of every single thing my 8-month-old daughter needs at this age. I can’t seem to bury the deep insecurities that rear their ugly heads when my mother-in-law asks why I haven’t begun doing something that has been deemed pertinent to my baby’s development. I am immediately awash with this intense feeling of failure. I feel as though I’ve failed her.

At least, that’s what anxiety tells me.

The most frustrating thing is the internalized anger that follows these interactions with my fiancé’s mother, my own mother, or the other well-seasoned mothers in my life. My anxiety puts me on defense, and I feel the need to provide excuses and reasons. The overall justification for why I just simply didn’t think about something that every mother should be thinking about every single second of every single day.

I am a mess.

At night, I rise every few hours to feed her, cuddle her, kiss her, and apologize to her for my own shortcomings. For the fact that mommy is having a hard time adjusting, and when it’s time to help her advance to the next level, I am sometimes unaware of what that next level may be.

RELATED: To My Daughter When I Fail

I have the newsletters that come through and give me information about what I could and should be doing to help her further develop herself, but somehow I end up working my day away vigorously while continuing with our same prompt routine. It’s hard to keep up with it all.

As I attempt to include moments where it’s just us as a family, I feel as though there’s more I could be doing. And, of course, there is. There always is. As I’m sorely reminded every time I enter the room of a well-seasoned mother.

I am overwhelmed and flustered. I’m just trying to keep up.

But I believe in a mother’s superpowers. The ability to innately develop the wisdom and confidence in their God-given abilities over time. The ability to make it all look effortless when we all know it’s harder than we could imagine.

So I push on. I push to make sure my daughter is healthy and her smile continues to brighten the rooms of her grandmothers, aunts, and uncles. I push to ensure my daughter can live peacefully in a home filled with love and positivity and balanced by dedication and discipline. I push to show my daughter a loving relationship between her father and me so she can witness something I have only ever read about.

RELATED: I Want My Son to See His Father Love His Mother

I push. We push.

As I slowly, but surely grow into the mother I dream to be and believe I one day will become, I’ve learned the well-seasoned mothers (who I flail in front of so very often) didn’t become who they are overnight. You don’t wake up one day a perfect mother with a new baby. And they still aren’t perfect mothers.

RELATED: Don’t Be Fooled by My Photos: Our Family isn’t Perfect

I soothe my own anxiety and negative thoughts with the knowledge that sometimes people will give you certain opinions because they wish they had done certain things differently or better when their children were young. I’ve grown grateful for the unwarranted opinions I used to cringe at, and I use them to better myself because I do intend to have more children.

When she’s older, she will develop her own understanding and meaning of what it is to nurture a child. I am sure she will forgive me for forgetting to purchase her high chair as soon as she hit six months or for being a bit shaky about when she should start eating solids. She may also struggle with the idea of baby-led weaning one day, who knows.

But she’ll understand that, though mommy didn’t always know, mommy did try her best at all times.

I continue to parent with the notion that all I can do is correct what I believe my mother didn’t do or should have done. When she is older, I can only hope my sweet baby Joy will only do her best to do better than me when she has her own little babies.

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Dejah Allen

I am a writer and virtual assistant based in Atlanta, Georgia, and I just gave birth to a bundle of joy. You can find my blog Joyful Intentions on Facebook.

These Moms on the Sidelines Became My People

In: Motherhood

Moms with arms around each other watching baseball

Spending hours on end on a ballfield on Mother’s Day may not sound ideal to most, but the ones who get it know that it’s about so much more than watching young kids play ball. It’s about the instant bonds you make with families who end up becoming like your own family. It’s being surrounded by people who cheer for your kid louder than you do yourself. It’s about being lucky enough to have a pack of moms who will care for your child in your absence and send you pics and videos of what you are missing when you...

Keep Reading

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

In: Motherhood

Little boy sitting at table talking to adult

I thought the experts were going to fix my child. I didn’t say that out loud. But it was there…quiet, desperate, sitting underneath every question I asked. If I just found the right strategy… If I just understood ADHD well enough… If I just listened hard enough… Maybe the meltdowns would stop. Maybe the chaos would settle. Maybe I would finally feel like I knew what I was doing. So I started asking questions. Over the past year, I’ve had the opportunity to interview ADHD experts (clinicians, researchers, specialists) through my podcast. And I showed up to every conversation like...

Keep Reading

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

In: Motherhood

Some moments in motherhood stay with you. First steps. Preschool graduation. A first dance recital. And then there are harder times. The ones that do not make it into photo albums. The moments when the world feels too big and your child feels painfully misunderstood. When you are parenting a child with a disability, those moments tend to find you more often. This day should have felt like a win. My son had just met a goal in therapy. We walked out of his OT’s office smiling, carrying a page full of lopsided circles that had never looked more perfect...

Keep Reading

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

In: Motherhood

I don’t think people truly believe me when I say I came back from the depths of hell after having my son. Birth is often portrayed as pure bliss. The moment a mother holds her baby and instantly falls in love. Life quickly returns to normal. Even in real life, new moms can look like they’ve settled into motherhood with ease. But what no one talks about is the ugly, incredibly hard side of it. Not every mom experiences postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD. For some, it really is bliss. But for many of us, it becomes a fight for...

Keep Reading

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

In: Motherhood

Little boy playing with toys on the floor alone

There is a moment nobody warns you about. Not the sleepless nights. Not the feeding schedules. Not the endless cycle of laundry and worry that comes with keeping a tiny human alive. Those parts everyone mentions. The part nobody mentions is the moment you realize your child has started becoming his own person. And you are standing there watching it happen, equal parts proud and completely unprepared. My son is two years old. And lately he has been leaving the room. Not in a concerning way. In a he has somewhere to be kind of way. He will be in...

Keep Reading

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

In: Motherhood

I remember the exact moment it hit me. I was talking to a young girl, the kind everyone praises. She was polite, well spoken, respectful. The kind of girl people point to and say, “She’s so confident.” So I asked her a question I knew would reveal more than her smile ever could: “What do you do when something doesn’t feel right?” She froze. Not in a dramatic way, but in a quiet, almost invisible way. She looked down, shifted her weight, then looked back up at me, searching my face like the answer might be written there. Because she...

Keep Reading

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

In: Motherhood

After the traumatic birth of my daughter, I searched for others who had experienced vasa previa, but most of what I found were support groups for stillbirth. It’s easy to understand why; vasa previa is one of the most preventable causes of stillbirth, and yet most people, including most pregnant women, have never heard of it. My daughter is almost three years old, and I still carry a complicated guilt about that: why did we get to be the lucky ones? I want to share my story—not to frighten you, but because awareness is the only thing that saves lives...

Keep Reading

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

In: Motherhood

For most of my life, I believed becoming a stay-at-home mom wasn’t just a choice, it was the ultimate goal. The kind of life a “good” woman was meant to want. The kind of life that meant you were doing things right. I grew up surrounded by that message. In conservative spaces, in church circles, in subtle conversations about what a “real” mother looked like. Women who stayed home were praised. Women who didn’t were quietly questioned. I learned, without ever being directly told, that a mother’s highest purpose was to center her entire world around her children and her...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Really Sure How To Do This Teenager Thing

In: Motherhood, Teen

I was not prepared to be a mother of teenagers. Sure, I was warned by other parents about the difficult journey I was about to embark on, but I did not expect it to be this challenging. I remember these two sweet, innocent children who wanted to be with me all the time. Now they barely give me the time of day. How did we get here? Like many parents, we long to have that child who once, a long time ago, called us Mommy and Daddy and begged us to read them another story. Where are those kids I...

Keep Reading

Why Don’t We Talk About Jonah’s Mother?

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood

Praying for My Son Send a storm to stop him; Let his friends throw him out. May he drop to the deeps, But gently, please, Stubborn though he may be. If it could only take three days, How my mother’s heart would Rejoice in praise. From the hell you allow him, Let him cry to you. Is not Nineveh and mercy Exactly what he knows He needs— A mercy on enemies He fears You will concede? Please let all the shade wither If his is an angry soul; Humble him and help him follow Where you would have his purpose...

Keep Reading

Nothing Is More Humbling Than Learning to Be Your Mama

Motherhood

Nothing Is More Humbling Than Learning to Be Your Mama

I'm Glad My Wedding Dress Doesn't Fit Anymore

Living

I Wish I Could Be the Perfect Mother

At least, that’s what anxiety tells me.

RELATED: To My Daughter When I Fail

I am overwhelmed and flustered. I’m just trying to keep up.

RELATED: I Want My Son to See His Father Love His Mother

RELATED: Don’t Be Fooled by My Photos: Our Family isn’t Perfect

But she’ll understand that, though mommy didn’t always know, mommy did try her best at all times.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Dejah Allen

These Moms on the Sidelines Became My People

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

I’m Not Really Sure How To Do This Teenager Thing

Why Don’t We Talk About Jonah’s Mother?

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

I Wish I Could Be the Perfect Mother

I am overwhelmed and flustered. I’m just trying to keep up.

But she’ll understand that, though mommy didn’t always know, mommy did try her best at all times.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

These Moms on the Sidelines Became My People

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

I’m Not Really Sure How To Do This Teenager Thing

Why Don’t We Talk About Jonah’s Mother?

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like