Do you know his name?  

Elijah McClain. 

He gasps that he cannot breathe. 

He tells them his name, says he has ID but no gun, and pleads that his house is “right there.” 

He sobs, and vomits, and apologizes: “I wasn’t trying to do that,” he says. “I just can’t breathe correctly.”

Do you know his name? Do you know his story? 

I never knew his name or his story until June 24, 2020. My friend, a fellow Black writer and blogger posted an article about his story. And the picture on the article was of his last words and his face.  

RELATED: Please Love My Son Because the Rest of the World Doesn’t

As I read his story, my eyes filled with tears. I was filled with and continue to be filled with such deep, unabashed sorrow. I fell into the hole of the internet and absorbed everything I could about the young man whose name I had never heard.

I came across a picture of him playing his violin to the cats and dogs at an animal shelter and it just broke me. 

His smile is what captured me most. It was so full and honest. 

And then I hear his last words again. 

“I’m an introvert. I’m just different.”

And I fall apart all over again because I realized, I am looking at him as my son. 

My autistic son, who is so often described as different, quirky, and interesting. He talks to himself as he plays alone. Builds elaborate and intricate designs with his building materials. Hums and sings to himself when he gets anxious. 

Elijah is my son. 

RELATED: I Am Mama

He is the child of every unique needs parent in the world. He is the child of every parent whose child is quiet and shy. He is the child of every parent who describes their child as “different.” 

He is your son or daughter. 

As the rest of the world finally learns more about his case and people begin to shout “Say his name,” I am haunted by yet another hashtag. 

#JusticeforElijahMcClain
#AuroraPoliceDepartment
#SayHisName 

No one wants another hashtag. 

He was so much more than a hashtag. 

They were all so much more than hashtags. 

My children are so much more than hashtags. 

RELATED: Dear God, Let Hatred Be Overcome By Love

The news over the last few weeks has been filled with death, destruction, and anger. As more stories of brutality, systemic racism, and abuses are brought into the light. They are all bitterly familiar, in fact, their details have begun to echo each other.

You should be able to walk home, sleep in your bed, play in the park, jog in your neighborhood, look at real estate, have a BBQ, go to the store, drive to and from anywhere, wear a hoodie, and wear a mask without fear. 

RELATED: Black Mama, We See You; White Mama, We Need You

I am teaching my boys how to avoid being killed. I teach them how to comply. I teach them how to learn to live in a society that sees them as dangerous.

But I can’t teach them, and what I wish I could take away, is that there will come a day when they will stop being “different” and suddenly become dangerous. 

Because of the color of their skin.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Diana Loader

I am a USAF Veteran, now a full-time student and aspiring author. . . .as well as an okayish wife and mother. I have found a new passion for writing and helping families like mine. I have been married to my husband for 15 years, and he is Active Duty Air Force. We are raising two beautiful boys. Because of our family dynamic, and our oldest child's unique needs, we currently teach them at home. I am also a passionate advocate for women's health and rights. And I lead an initiative to provide free feminine hygiene products to homeless and poor women and girls. My downtime is spent outdoors hiking and walking, and I am also a voracious reader.

Instead of Counting Down the Days until My Marine Came Home, I Counted My Blessings

In: Motherhood
Mother and two children holding "welcome home" signs next to soldier daddy, color photo

It was a relatively mild morning in October—cool even, considering we were in the middle of the Mojave Desert. We stood atop a concrete amphitheater overlooking a grass field in the middle of the small USMC installation known as Twenty-Nine Palms. All the unit’s seabags were lined up in neat rows, each one stuffed to bursting. John held our daughter Eleanor who had just woken up from a nap in her infant carrier. Blearily, she looked around and then smiled when John paused his conversation with some of his friends to coo at her. I sat with our son Sawyer...

Keep Reading

I Am an Adult with Autism

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and three children in wildflowers, color photo

Thirty years. That’s how long it took for me to get the right diagnoses. Thirty years. Of struggles. Of shame. Of depression and anxiety. Of bullying. All without knowing the true causes and what was really going on. I never would have believed you if you told me a few years ago that I was autistic. It wasn’t until all three of my children were diagnosed with autism that I started to see the similarities and begin to question. At first, I thought there was no way. Wouldn’t I have known by now? It just can’t be. So I threw...

Keep Reading

I Hope My Daughter Loves Her Future Mother-in-Law

In: Motherhood
Bride holding mother's hands

I’m a proud boy mom. I catch bugs, I catch balls (in the house), and I try my best to catch my boys’ every fall. I love it. I love being a boy mom. There is one part I don’t like: everyone telling me they will leave as soon as they meet “the one,” and their wife’s family will push my husband and I out of the picture. “A boy is yours ‘til he finds a wife, a daughter’s your daughter all her life.” I’d heard it too many times from older moms who chuckle as if the rhyming covers...

Keep Reading

Adoptive Parents-To-Be Deserve to Be Celebrated Too

In: Motherhood
Couple making heart with hands

My husband and I are on a very exciting journey—we are in the process of adopting our first child! Wow, we are stoked beyond words. Albeit we are on the front end of the journey at this point (as in just now about to complete our home study). Yet we are knee-deep and in the thick of it all. After struggling with infertility for about two years and many doctors’ appointments later, it became clear that natural conception is not how we will become parents. We never thought we would encounter infertility. Infertility has been hard and a grieving process...

Keep Reading

I’m Thankful for the Community We’ve Found

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Community on street having a picnic

It was the end of the school holidays, and the return to school after Christmas was looming. The children had had two weeks at home. The general sense of routine was lost for the boys, with late nights and relaxing days watching YouTube while playing their Switch. I was eager for routine to make a reappearance through school. As we headed into the weekend before the start of school, Josh had a cough and then a fever, and it became clear this would not be the week I had envisioned. By Monday morning the boys appeared more lethargic than usual,...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Take it from a Mom Who’s Been There: It Gets Easier

In: Motherhood
Mother with teen daughter embracing and smiling outside

My view from home is changing as my oldest is now married and my youngest is wrapping up his college career. But dear mom of little ones and even those not-so-little ones, I want you to know that I remember. I remember the side-eyes and the judging glances from older moms as I juggled toddlers doing their toddler thing. All these years later, I still feel the harshness of their stings. I remember the gloom and doom declarations of “Just wait until they turn three, or ten, or thirteen . . .” Those almost gleefully delivered little quips that made...

Keep Reading

This is How to Support Miscarriage Moms

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Woman with arm around another woman sitting in field

When you hear the term miscarriage, what do you think? My initial thought was the loss of an unborn child, but have you ever really wondered what truly happens when you are having a miscarriage? Our first miscarriage occurred immediately after our wedding in 2019, we had a chemical pregnancy after conceiving while on our honeymoon. This means we had a positive pregnancy test, but by the time we got to our OB/GYN, I had the heaviest period of my life, resulting in a negative serum pregnancy test. That was hard enough to go through but was nothing compared to...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little girl praying, profile shot

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading