Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

I’ll be in the middle of my morning routinebrewing coffee, letting the dog out, getting the kids’ breakfastwhen all of a sudden I’ll feel it creeping in: the overwhelm.

I’ll break up one more fight or be asked one more question, and it will hit me. I’ll go from opening a pureed fruit pouch to yelling. I’ll go from yelling to sighing loudly. I’ll feel my thoughts spiral and my chest tighten. I’ll try to take a deep breath, and then another thing will set me off. I’ll overreact and in the middle of it, realize what I’m doing. I’ll apologize. I’ll try to start over. I’ll hug my kids and kiss their cheeks.

Sometimes, the demands of motherhood sneak up on us.

RELATED: Being a Parent is Exhausting Even If Your Child Isn’t

I’ll be in the middle of making dinner, and my son will proudly hold up the picture he’s been coloring on the kitchen floor. I’ll smile over his scribbled sharks and puffed up fish, and then his sister will show me her bright curlicue paper. I’ll help place their drawings on the fridge, and I’ll feel it settling in my heart. The joy of this moment. I’d always wanted to hang kids’ creations on my fridge, but I never knew how sweet it would truly be until I had kids of my own.

Sometimes, the levity of motherhood sneaks up on us.

I’ll be in the middle of tidying my room when my freshly made bed will be overturned by a jumping 3-year-old and sprawling 2-year-old. I’ll order them off and smooth the rumpled blankets.

They’ll dart down the hallway to my son’s room where toys litter the floor like sprinkles on a cupcake. I’ll follow them down the hall, and while I stand in the doorway looking in on their disaster, it’ll hit me. The resigned frustration of having to clean it all up again. I’ll be thankful they gave me a break by playing together, but I’ll remember how I’d spent yesterday afternoon gathering up the same LEGOs, robots, and dinosaurs.

Sometimes, the repetition of motherhood sneaks up on us.

RELATED: A Mother’s Work Is Never Done—But Always Worth It

I’ll be in the middle of snuggling my toddlers on the couch while a show plays on Netflix when my son will turn and grin at me. My daughter will burrow closer, and I’ll adjust the blankets. I’ll feel their bodies warm up as they grow sweaty with sleep, and it will hit me. The indescribable wonder of being their mom. My eyes will well with tears as I look at their fluttering lashes and full cheeks. I’ll stroke their hair, and the memory of this moment will burrow deep into my heart.

Sometimes, the miracle of motherhood sneaks up on us.

I’ll be in the middle of bathing my kids when my daughter will slap the water and water will surge out of the bathtub. I’ll tell her to stop splashing and mop up the floor, and she’ll lean over the tub watching me, more water dripping down. I’ll pull them out, dry them off, and help them dresseven as they run away shrieking. I’ll make my way downstairs to get them one more snack before nap time, and it will hit me. Just how badly I need this break. I’ll tuck them into bed and pray with them, and then run downstairs to temporary freedom.

Sometimes, the exhaustion of motherhood sneaks up on us.

I’ll be in the middle of taking a break when I find myself opening up the photo album icon and scrolling through the thousands of pictures that clog up my phone’s memory. I’ll be transported to a single moment in timecompletely mesmerized once more by their smallness, feathery hair, and wrinkled feet. I’ll think about the way they smelled and the softness of their newborn skin. Then I’ll look over at the two toddlers laying on my living room carpet, and it will hit me. How much I’m going to miss this, and how I still can’t believe they are mine.

RELATED: I Hope I Loved You Enough Today

Sometimes, the soft memories of motherhood sneak up on us.

And when they sneak up, it’s OK to pause, to breathe, even cry.

This journey is beautiful and so hard, but we’re better for it.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Rachel Weidner

I'm a stay-at-home mom, work-at-home writer, coffee drinker, and book hoarder. I love taking pictures and eating chocolate. Writing helps me stay sane, so I blog about motherhood, marriage, faith, and everything in between. You can find me on Facebook at Forever Dreaming Writing by Rachel or on Instagram at @foreverdreamingwritngbyrachel.

I Obsessed over Her Heartbeat Because She’s My Rainbow Baby

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Mother and teen daughter with ice cream cones, color photo

I delivered a stillborn sleeping baby boy five years before my rainbow baby. I carried this sweet baby boy for seven whole months with no indication that he wouldn’t live. Listening to his heartbeat at each prenatal visit until one day there was no heartbeat to hear. It crushed me. ”I’m sorry but your baby is dead,” are words I’ll never be able to unhear. And because of these words, I had no words. For what felt like weeks, I spoke only in tears as they streamed down my cheeks. But I know it couldn’t have been that long. Because...

Keep Reading

Here on the Island of Autism Parenting

In: Motherhood
Son on dad's shoulders looking at sunset over water

Hey, you. Yes, you there: mom to a kid on the spectrum. Well, you and I know they’re so much more than that. But sometimes those few words seem so all-consuming. So defining. So defeating. I see you when you’re done. That was me earlier today. I had to send a picture of a broken windshield to my husband. I prefaced the picture with the text, “You’re going to be so mad.” And you know what? He saw the picture, read my text, and replied, “I love you. The windshield can be fixed. Don’t worry. Just come home.” I think,...

Keep Reading

Round 2 in the Passenger Seat is Even Harder

In: Motherhood, Teen
Teen boy behind the wheel, color photo

Here I am, once again, in the passenger seat. The driver’s side mirrors are adjusted a little higher. The seat is moved back to fit his growing teenage limbs. The rearview mirror is no longer tilted to see what’s going on in the backseat. Yellow stickers screaming “Student Driver,” are plastered to the sides of the car. The smile on his face is noticeable. The fear in mine is hard to hide. These are big moments for both of us. For him, it’s the beginning of freedom. Exiting the sidestreets of youth and accelerating full speed into the open road...

Keep Reading

We’re Walking the Road of Twin Loss Together

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Mother and son walk along beach holding hands

He climbed into our bed last week, holding the teddy bear that came home in his twin brother’s hospital grief box almost 10 years earlier. “Mom, I really miss my brother. And do you see that picture of me over there with you, me and his picture in your belly? It makes me really, really sad when I look at it.” A week later, he was having a bad day and said, “I wish I could trade places with my brother.” No, he’s not disturbed or mentally ill. He’s a happy-go-lucky little boy who is grieving the brother who grew...

Keep Reading

Somewhere Between Wife and Mom, There Is a Woman

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman standing alone in field smiling

Sometimes, it’s hard to remember there is a woman behind the mom. At home, you feel caught between two worlds. Mom world and wife world. Sometimes it’s hard to balance both. We don’t exactly feel sexy in our leggings and messy mom bun. We don’t feel sexy at the end of the day when we are mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted from being a mom all day. The truth is we want to feel like ourselves again. We just aren’t sure where we fit in anymore. RELATED: I Fear I’ve Lost Myself To Motherhood We know the kids only stay...

Keep Reading

Until I See You in Heaven, I’ll Cherish Precious Memories of You

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Toddler girl with bald head, color photo

Your memory floats through my mind so often that I’m often seeing two moments at once. I see the one that happened in the past, and I see the one I now live each day. These two often compete in my mind for importance. I can see you in the play of all young children. Listening to their fun, I hear your laughter clearly though others around me do not. A smile might cross my face at the funny thing you said once upon a time that is just a memory now prompted by someone else’s young child. The world...

Keep Reading

Friendship Looks Different Now That Our Kids Are Older

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Two women and their teen daughters, color photo

When my kids were young and still in diapers, my friends and I used to meet up at Chick-fil-A for play dates. Our main goal was to maintain our sanity while our kids played in the play area. We’d discuss life, marriage, challenges, sleep deprivation, mom guilt, and potty-training woes. We frequently scheduled outings to prevent ourselves from going insane while staying at home. We’d take a stroll around the mall together, pushing our bulky strollers and carrying diaper bags. Our first stop was always the coffee shop where we’d order a latte (extra espresso shot) and set it in...

Keep Reading

Moms Take a Hard Look in the Mirror When Our Girls Become Tweens

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mother and tween daughter reading

We all know about mean girls. They’re in the movies we go to see, the television shows we watch, and the books we read. These fictional divas are usually exaggerated versions of the real thing: troubled cheerleaders with a couple of sidekicks following in their faux-fabulous footsteps. The truth about mean girls is more complex. Sometimes, they aren’t kids you would expect to be mean at all: the quiet girls, sweet and innocent. Maybe she’s your kid. Maybe she’s mine. As our daughters approach their teen years, we can’t help but reflect on our own. The turmoil. The heartbreak. The...

Keep Reading

A Mother’s Love is the Best Medicine

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child lying on couch under blankets, color photo

When my kids are sick, I watch them sleep and see every age they have ever been at once. The sleepless nights with a fussy toddler, the too-hot cheeks of a baby against my own skin, the clean-up duty with my husband at 3 a.m., every restless moment floods my thoughts. I can almost feel the rocking—so much rocking—and hear myself singing the same lullaby until my voice became nothing but a whisper. I can still smell the pink antibiotics in a tiny syringe. Although my babies are now six and nine years old, the minute that fever spikes, they...

Keep Reading

Here’s to the Saturday Mornings

In: Living, Motherhood
Baby in bouncer next to mama with coffee cup, color photo

Here’s to the Saturday mornings—the part of the week that kind of marks the seasons of our lives. I’ve had so many types of Saturdays, each just a glimpse of what life holds at the time. There were Saturdays spent sleeping in and putting off chores after a long week of school. And some Saturdays waking up on the floor in a friend’s living room after talking and prank calling all night. I’ve spent many Saturday mornings walking through superstitious pre-game routines on the way to the gym, eating just enough breakfast to fuel me for the game, but not...

Keep Reading