I watched her from across the small room . . . she was playing Tic-Tac-Toe with her son on the chalkboard wall while simultaneously grabbing his little sister a snack from her bulging bag. A bag that contained the usual mama’s arsenal: enough snacks to feed a small army, various types and sizes of sippy cups, a package of wipes, and just the right number of toys to keep her littles entertained for the half-hour they would be confined to this small space.

The oldest sibling, a little girl of about five, was down below on the tennis courts with my daughter. I watched them through the glass.

“This is so nice,” the other mom said to me, “that we can watch them. At dance, they just close the door, and we sit outside the room and wait.”

She also has her daughter in dance, I thought to myself.

This was my daughter’s first-ever extracurricular activity, and it showed. We had never signed her up for ballet or soccer or summer t-ball. I have yet to sit on the sidelines at a game or in the audience at a recital. Our jobs, along with the fact we live out in the country, make the logistics of these types of activities difficult.

I wasn’t carrying a bag full of things my kids might need or want, and I rarely do. Rather, I had made sure I was equipped with everything necessary to handle an unexpected call from work if someone needed me: my laptop, my phone, and a hotspot. The reality is, I’m always on for work . . . even if it’s on vibrate.

RELATED: Dear Working Mom, I See You

As I opened my phone to respond to a few e-mails, I felt it creeping up. Envy.

Envy at her engagement. At her ability to be fully present. The fact she had the time and freedom to get her daughter involved in more than one activity. And probably long before she was 4½ years old.

I was jealous of this other woman.

But she’s not the only one.

There are lots of other women aren’t there? Other women to compare ourselves to.

I see my mama friends whose kids are a little bit older than mine and envy their easier motherhood that doesn’t involve wiping booties, wiping noses, making bottles, buckling car seats, and all of the other tiresome tasks of being a mama to littles.

RELATED: I Hope One Day You Know How Hard Your Mama Tried

I see my friends who are married but don’t yet have babies, enjoying frequent date nights with their hubbies, spontaneous weekend getaways, and even romantic, week-long vacations. Really, just daily life that doesn’t revolve around naps, snacks, and potty breaks.

I see my single girlfriendsat least I think I do. I see their feeds on social media filled with adventure and freedom and budding careers. And I’m envious. Envious the only traveling I do anymore is out-of-state to visit family, and that a great adventure is sneaking off to a yoga class by myself. And my career . . . well, that’s hanging on by a thread.

Around every corner, I can find it if I want tothis thing called envy.

As we left tennis and walked out to our car, I noticed this mama loading her three littles into a new Lexus SUV. Of course, I thought as my daughter climbed into the back of our 2014 Ford Fusion running on well over 100k miles.

RELATED: Don’t Be Fooled by My Photos: Our Family isn’t Perfect

Two days later, back in our little parent’s observatory room, this mama caught my eye and said, “Are you signing up for the next round in January?”

“I’m not sure,” I told her, “it depends on the day and time, and if it falls when my other daughter is in daycare.”

“Yeah,” she responded with a hint of hesitation. “I am so jealous of you . . . sipping your Starbucks and getting stuff done on your computer.”

What? She’s jealous of me?! This barely hanging on, over-stressed, pulled in a million different directions, hot mess express of a mama?

But of course she is. Because I have something she doesn’t. My toddler is in daycare while I get to go to tennis with my older daughter and enjoy a coffee and a little quiet (even if work is calling). This life I live is foreign to her. Of course it looks intriguing.

The thing is, it’s easy to want what someone else has when we only see the good in it and not the hard. It’s easy to glamorize a life you’re not living.

That mama friend who has older kiddos or even kids who are grown and gone . . . she’d probably give anything in the world to rock her babies to sleep one last time.

RELATED: Moms of Teenagers, I’m a Little Jealous of You

Those friends who I see dating their husbands regularly and enjoying girl’s weekends on a whim . . . they might be silently suffering through infertility and praying for the next test to be positive.

And my single girlfriends who are chasing down dreams and climbing that career ladder . . . maybe they feel a huge hole in their lives where they thought a family would be and struggle daily with not knowing what the future holds.

You see, there are lots of other women in my life. Other women I could be envious of. Or I could stop and realize that I’m someone else’s other woman, and this life I’m living . . . it’s pretty darn great.

Previously published on the author’s blog

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Jen Hummel

Jen Hummel is a 30-something introverted Enneagram 1 and wannabe minimalist. She lives on a fourth-generation family farm with her handsome hubby, two daughters (+1 in heaven) and four crazy dogs. Yes . . . four. On any given day, you will find her in a graphic tee and stretchy pants sipping on an iced latte, because #basic. Writing is her safe haven and free therapy between bi-monthly sessions of the real deal. Jen's goal is creating community through authenticity + imperfection in her writing and IRL.  

Instead of Counting Down the Days until My Marine Came Home, I Counted My Blessings

In: Motherhood
Mother and two children holding "welcome home" signs next to soldier daddy, color photo

It was a relatively mild morning in October—cool even, considering we were in the middle of the Mojave Desert. We stood atop a concrete amphitheater overlooking a grass field in the middle of the small USMC installation known as Twenty-Nine Palms. All the unit’s seabags were lined up in neat rows, each one stuffed to bursting. John held our daughter Eleanor who had just woken up from a nap in her infant carrier. Blearily, she looked around and then smiled when John paused his conversation with some of his friends to coo at her. I sat with our son Sawyer...

Keep Reading

I Am an Adult with Autism

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and three children in wildflowers, color photo

Thirty years. That’s how long it took for me to get the right diagnoses. Thirty years. Of struggles. Of shame. Of depression and anxiety. Of bullying. All without knowing the true causes and what was really going on. I never would have believed you if you told me a few years ago that I was autistic. It wasn’t until all three of my children were diagnosed with autism that I started to see the similarities and begin to question. At first, I thought there was no way. Wouldn’t I have known by now? It just can’t be. So I threw...

Keep Reading

I Hope My Daughter Loves Her Future Mother-in-Law

In: Motherhood
Bride holding mother's hands

I’m a proud boy mom. I catch bugs, I catch balls (in the house), and I try my best to catch my boys’ every fall. I love it. I love being a boy mom. There is one part I don’t like: everyone telling me they will leave as soon as they meet “the one,” and their wife’s family will push my husband and I out of the picture. “A boy is yours ‘til he finds a wife, a daughter’s your daughter all her life.” I’d heard it too many times from older moms who chuckle as if the rhyming covers...

Keep Reading

Adoptive Parents-To-Be Deserve to Be Celebrated Too

In: Motherhood
Couple making heart with hands

My husband and I are on a very exciting journey—we are in the process of adopting our first child! Wow, we are stoked beyond words. Albeit we are on the front end of the journey at this point (as in just now about to complete our home study). Yet we are knee-deep and in the thick of it all. After struggling with infertility for about two years and many doctors’ appointments later, it became clear that natural conception is not how we will become parents. We never thought we would encounter infertility. Infertility has been hard and a grieving process...

Keep Reading

I’m Thankful for the Community We’ve Found

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Community on street having a picnic

It was the end of the school holidays, and the return to school after Christmas was looming. The children had had two weeks at home. The general sense of routine was lost for the boys, with late nights and relaxing days watching YouTube while playing their Switch. I was eager for routine to make a reappearance through school. As we headed into the weekend before the start of school, Josh had a cough and then a fever, and it became clear this would not be the week I had envisioned. By Monday morning the boys appeared more lethargic than usual,...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Take it from a Mom Who’s Been There: It Gets Easier

In: Motherhood
Mother with teen daughter embracing and smiling outside

My view from home is changing as my oldest is now married and my youngest is wrapping up his college career. But dear mom of little ones and even those not-so-little ones, I want you to know that I remember. I remember the side-eyes and the judging glances from older moms as I juggled toddlers doing their toddler thing. All these years later, I still feel the harshness of their stings. I remember the gloom and doom declarations of “Just wait until they turn three, or ten, or thirteen . . .” Those almost gleefully delivered little quips that made...

Keep Reading

This is How to Support Miscarriage Moms

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Woman with arm around another woman sitting in field

When you hear the term miscarriage, what do you think? My initial thought was the loss of an unborn child, but have you ever really wondered what truly happens when you are having a miscarriage? Our first miscarriage occurred immediately after our wedding in 2019, we had a chemical pregnancy after conceiving while on our honeymoon. This means we had a positive pregnancy test, but by the time we got to our OB/GYN, I had the heaviest period of my life, resulting in a negative serum pregnancy test. That was hard enough to go through but was nothing compared to...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little girl praying, profile shot

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading