Don’t Take It Personally When I Bail on You—I’m Just Trying to Survive

Some moms try to do all. the. things.

It’s me. I’m that mom.

Why do I always say yes?

Just last week, I did it again. I let down another friend. My excuse: “I’m too busy.”

Busyness is my sparkly crown in all her glory on full display.

Am I busy because I am diligently working hard toward my best dreams? Probably not. Honestly, I am just a habitual doer who craves praise and affirmation for doing more than most.

You see, I don’t mean to disappoint people, but I find myself in a perpetual cycle of overcommitting and failing to meet my obligations. I hyper schedule myself and the few minutes of downtime that remain consist of me trying to reenergize myself for the next task. The next obligation. The next thing.

Most recently I had the nerve to wait until the morning of a new Bible study to contact my good friend and cancel. Always gracious, she told me she understood. But let’s be honest, the old ego took a hard hit when she said, “I knew you would never be able to finish.”

Those words sound harsh, but the thing is, I am lucky to have friends with the courage to bluntly confront me with truth. Her comment was made with sincerity because from her perspective she honestly could not fathom how I had the bandwidth to fit yet another thing into my schedule. The fact is, I didn’t.

This is where things get tricky, friends. As a mom with young kids I am DESPERATE for community. I long for 90 uninterrupted minutes to immerse myself in biblical teaching and make new friends.

The problem is I cannot do t-ball, swimming lessons, professional networking, workout, a Bible study, run a business AND keep the kids alive all while my husband travels for work. It’s just simply not possible.

So despite my very best intentions, I am the gal who calls her best friends to cancel. Again.

Last week I bailed on a Bible study. The week before, an engagement party. Who will I fail next?

Why do I always say yes?

Everyone seems to be affected by my inability to be realistic with time management. Frantic-like, my family falls victim as I try to do it all and be it all. My friends get the shaft as I profusely apologize—again—for being unable to show up where I said I would be when I said I would be there.

Want to know the worst part? The person I quit on the most is me.

My heart is truly in the right place but unless it is a priority of family or business, move over because you are likely getting pushed aside. I want to be the businesswoman and mom who does it all with perfection. Instead, I am barely surviving most days.

Why do I always say yes?

I am not a people pleaser but I cannot bear the thought of disappointing the relationships I am desperate to lean in to.

I hate that I quit on my inner circle. I resent that I most often quit on myself. Again and again, I find myself battling the person I desperately want to be and the one I am actually capable of being.

Whether we chalk it up to FOMO or discontentment, my self-expectations need a realignment. I must set aside my crown and allow myself the room to say no and the grace to accept I cannot do it all or be it all.

Why do I always say yes?

Mom envy. Fitness envy. Career envy. Yes, I have those. 

Mom guilt. Fitness guilt. Career guilt. Yes, a million times, yes.

My bar for commitment needs to be based on who I want to be today, this month, this year. Comparison, envy, and guilt have no place in my heart or life. Ain’t nobody got time for that—I’m too busy! 

For this season, saying no might mean I lose a friend or two. I’ve come to realize that’s OK because my best gals are going to stick by my side always. Missing a girls’ trip or happy hour is a complete bummer, but saying “no” upfront feels infinitely better than the shame of letting someone down when other priorities rise to the top.

To all my friends: the next time I stink at responding to a text, show up 30 minutes late or simply decline an invite—please don’t take it personally. Know that the struggle is so real and I am doing my very best to remove my crown of busyness and embrace the stillness.

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