Never Forget How Much I Love You

I see us here. In our spot. You and me. And I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness. A gratitude that grows because I have what I’ve watched others long for. And even for some who I love, I’ve watched them lose.

Two times now, I’ve become a mama. Two healthy pregnancies, two drama-free, full-term deliveries, and two perfect princesses, we’ve welcomed into this world. In utero, they voiced concerns. Yet with every ultrasound and appointment, we got good news. You were perfection.

Just two short months after this photo was taken, I found a spot in that very breast nourishing you. I worried. Others received devastating news, but I was put at peace. “Lord, let me always be their mama,” was my desperate prayer and daily plea.

For nearly 10 months now, we’ve spent our nights just like this. Not one night have we had to be apart. While friends endured surgeries and illnesses separating them from their sweet babes, you and I were together.

Countless times you wake me, and I take a tired trek to this spot. Just when I feel as though I can’t keep keeping on, I hear of a family whose baby just stopped waking up. The pain. I cannot fathom. You can wake me whenever you want. Remember how fast. Why do I need these humble reminders?

When I first saw this photo, I knew this would be one I would look at years from now and truly cherish. Now, we are closing in on our first year together, and when I stumbled upon it, the tears and words began to flow. Thankfulness. Endless blessings, I cannot begin to describe. You’re better than my best dream. Thankfulness!

I’m grateful for our nursing journey. Although, I know you would grow and thrive regardless, it feels like I’m nearing the end of a very long race. One in which there were several stumbles, but fortunately no flat-out falls. I’ve learned to embrace those.  As a dietitian and breastfeeding educator, only now do I truly understand why some breastfeeding journeys end and why some never even begin.

By God’s grace (and only His) every milestone you meet, every fat roll you fashion, every obstacle we overcome, I fuel them all. And it fills me with great accomplishment and joy.

Repeatedly, I get to study your sweet profile, your perfectly round head, and the silky feel of your hand as you reach for mine. I get to watch as your body stretches farther across my lap. I want to memorize this. I know I won’t remember it like I should. I learned that from your sister.

These days, you are a constant blur of cuteness. Your crawling days are numbered as we have watched you take your first steps. So, for now, I will clasp tight to our final days in our spot and count each one a blessing.

I am one lucky mama to call you mine, and I look forward to all our adventures to come. Never forget how much I love you.

XOXO,
Mommy