My husband and I met just over 16 years ago. We fell fast in love. We married a year after dating and quickly began living the American Dream. We have two children, one daughter in the teen world, a son who is approaching it quickly and two dogs, who add much excitement to our lives. We also live with this uninvited, most obnoxious fifth member of our family, called disease.

You see, what happened in my life and marriage is something called illness, the chronic, incurable kind of illness. My husband was diagnosed with a disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis, which is just one big fancy way of saying he is in a lot of discomfort and pain.

This disease causes much disease in our lives, but we are learning to live with it day-by-day.

When my husband received his diagnosis just over a year ago, it was a relief in a way because we finally knew what was wreaking havoc in his our lives. Several years prior, we knew something wasn’t right. He tired easily and was often in pain, which made life very hard for him and us. He was a practicing physician {and quite an amazing one at that}, which demanded a lot of him mentally and physically.

It was becoming too much and something had to change.

With much prayer, guidance, wise counsel, faith and hope, we decided it was time to hang up the stethoscope. One key factor that you need to know, our family doesn’t look like the average family of four. My husband is twenty-two years older than me. Crazy, right? We think so too! So, for him to quit with a ah-hum, “young(er)” {insert wink} wife and two kids, it just didn’t make sense and wasn’t part of our plan! How would it work? Well, this was and still is the million dollar question. The other thing you need to know is that I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. I help people deal with emotions, like grief, pain and how to deal with transitions in life and guess what? We were {and are} in a major life transition and I couldn’t fix it!

This is where Hope enters the scene and lots of it.

The Unshakeable Kind.

Paul tells you and me about in 2 Corinthians 1:7. He says:

“Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.”

You see, I am a woman of strong faith. I believe that if it were not for my faith, belief, hope in and love for Jesus Christ, I would definitely not be where I am today. This has been a journey Like. No. Other.

We were forced, by circumstance, to a place none of us wanted to be.

The serenity prayer has become my mantra. In fact, it hangs on my bathroom wall as a daily, often hourly, who am I kidding, minute to minute reminder of letting go of that which I have no control. Wow, to type those words is chilling.

Why did I want to write this you might ask? That is actually a really good question if I do say so myself. Let me take a moment to answer.

I want to share this Great Unshakeable Hope that I have, that you can also have. The best part is that it is free!

I have become well acquainted with disappointment, sadness and heartache over the last year, yet in each and every single moment I have not been alone. How ironic that a doctor and a therapist {both healers} would meet and then later face a giant, called disease, the size of Goliath together. It has tried to wreck our marriage and our family, but we have chosen to stand strong and confident, knowing we are not alone and certainly not fighting this in our own strength. This free gift and Great Hope is Jesus and He is The One who deserves every single bit of the credit.

So, thank you for meeting with me for a minute and hearing about my struggles. I pray that it encouraged you just a bit and helps you to know that even in the depths of despair, you are never alone.

There is One who cares and wants to know all about your pain.

Will you share with Him?

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Sarah Littlefield

Sarah is a wife/mom and licensed marriage and family therapist. She thrives on helping reunite families, as well as helping people heal from whatever it is holding them back. She views her calling as a wife, mom and therapist as a gift from God and considers herself a avid learner and student of the life He's given her! In her free time she enjoys exercising and being outdoors, but mostly spending quality time with her friends and family. She enjoys reading and learning about all things therapy related and has a special interest in the area of neuroscience.

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little girl praying, profile shot

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading

My Aunt Is the Woman I Want to Become

In: Faith, Living
Woman with older woman smiling

It’s something she may not hear enough, but my aunt is truly amazing. Anyone who knows her recognizes her as one-of-a-kind in the best way possible. It’s not just her playful jokes that bring a smile to my face, her soul is genuinely the sweetest I know. I hope she knows that I see her, appreciate her, and acknowledge all the effort she puts in every day, wholeheartedly giving of herself to everyone around her. When I look back on my childhood, I see my aunt as a really important part of it. We have shared so much time together,...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

Motherhood Never Stops, and Neither Does My God

In: Faith, Motherhood
Daughter kisses mother on cheek

I’m standing in the shower rinsing the conditioner out of my hair with a toddler babbling at my feet, running through this week’s dinner menu in my head. “Hmm, this meal would be better suited for this day, so what should we do instead?” or “Maybe we should save that for next week since it’s easy and we will be busy with baseball starting back up. I can work something in that may take more effort in its place.” Being a wife and mother, running a household, it’s about the small moments like this. There’s something about it that is...

Keep Reading

So God Made a Sunday School Teacher

In: Faith, Living
Woman sitting at table surrounded by kids in Sunday school class, color photo

God looked around at all He had created, and He knew He would need someone to teach His children. So God made a Sunday school teacher. God knew He needed someone with a heart and desire to teach children God’s word. God knew the children would act up and made Sunday school teachers with patience and grace to guide them when they step out of line in class. He also made Sunday school teachers with a touch of discretion to know when the stories of a child may be real or imagined. God knew this person would need to be...

Keep Reading

But God, I Can’t Forgive That

In: Faith, Marriage
Woman holding arms and walking by water

Surrender is scary. Giving in feels like defeat. Even when I know it’s the right thing, yielding everything to God is scary. It also feels impossible. The weight of all I’m thinking and feeling is just so dang big and ugly. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I cling so tightly to my fear I don’t even recognize it for what it is. Bondage. Oppression. Lack of trust. Oh, and then there’s that other thing—pride. Pride keeps me from seeing straight, and it twists all of my perceptions. It makes asking for help so difficult that I forget that...

Keep Reading

Dear Dad, I Pray for Our Healing

In: Faith, Grief, Grown Children
Back shot of woman on bench alone

You are on my mind today. But that’s not unusual. It’s crazy how after 13 years, it doesn’t feel that long since I last saw you. It’s also crazy that I spend far less time thinking about that final day and how awful it was and spend the majority of the time replaying the good memories from all the years before it. But even in the comfort of remembering, I know I made the right decision. Even now, 13 years later, the mix of happy times with the most confusing and painful moments leaves me grasping for answers I have...

Keep Reading

God Redeemed the Broken Parts of My Infertility Story

In: Faith, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Two young children walking on a path near a pond, color photo

It was a Wednesday morning when I sat around a table with a group of mamas I had just recently met. My youngest daughter slept her morning nap in a carrier across my chest. Those of us in the group who held floppy babies swayed back and forth. The others had children in childcare or enrolled in preschool down the road. We were there to chat, learn, grow, and laugh. We were all mamas. But we were not all the same. I didn’t know one of the mom’s names, but I knew I wanted to get to know her because she...

Keep Reading

God Has You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman hugging herself while looking to the side

Holding tight to the cold, sterile rail of the narrow, rollaway ER bed, I hovered helplessly over my oldest daughter. My anxious eyes bounced from her now steadying breaths to the varying lines and tones of the monitor overhead. Audible reminders of her life that may have just been spared. For 14 years, we’d been told anaphylaxis was possible if she ingested peanuts. But it wasn’t until this recent late autumn evening we would experience the fear and frenzy of our apparent new reality. My frantic heart hadn’t stopped racing from the very moment she struggled to catch a breath....

Keep Reading