Humor Journal Motherhood

Pooping Alone, and Other Things Moms Aren’t Allowed to do Without an Audience

Pooping Alone, and Other Things Moms Aren't Allowed to do Without an Audience www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Lauren Eberspacher

My plan was in place: everyone had a snack, Mickey Mouse was on tv, and the baby was down for his nap. “Oh my gosh, this might actually work,” I gleefully thought to myself.

I tiptoed out of the room, gently closed the bathroom door, pulled down my yoga pants, and sat down onto the toilet. I picked up my phone from the vanity and before I could even open my Facebook icon, I heard it.
 
The pitter patter of little footsteps growing louder. Within 20 seconds, both of the kids were standing in front of me eating their snacks, asking me what I was doing, laughing because they could HEAR what I was doing, and asking when I was going to come back out and play. I hung my head in defeat, finished my business, and walked back out into the world of the tiny tribe I had created.
 
But of course, not without a, “You remembered to flush! Good job, Mommy!” From my recently potty trained 3-year-old.
 
Yes, I go to the bathroom with an audience. And I am the star of the show.
 
It happens to all of us, doesn’t it mama friends? We leave the room for one minute and immediately it turns into a game of hide and go seek, we aren’t allowed to do anything alone! But for some reason, our kids never want to do this to their dad… just mom.
 
Taking a shower? My kids come and ask me for a snack mid lather while my husband is sitting out on the couch reading a magazine.

Needing to change my tampon? My daughter comes in and asks why I keep a box of tiny popsicles under the sink and then decorates her body with my pads.

 
Eating a piece of chocolate in the closet with the door closed? My kids hear the wrapper crinkle a mile away but can’t seem to hear me when I tell them to find their shoes.

And taking a nap? Last week I was napping and my daughter came in to ask me to wipe the booger off of her finger. But did she ask her father who was out in the living room? Of course not.
 
Yes, being a mom feels like being on center stage most days. It’s as if I have my own little groupies that run around shouting my name like I’m some sort of celebrity. Someday I’m sure I will miss all the extra company, but for now I will just keep being the star of the show. Even if my main stage is in the bathroom.
 

About the author

Lauren Eberspacher

I’m Lauren and I’m a work-in-progress farmer’s wife, coffee addict, follower of Jesus and a recovering perfectionist. When I don’t have my three kids attached at my hip, you can find me bringing meals into the fields, dancing in my kitchen, making our house a home, and chatting over a piece of pie with my girl friends. I’m doing my best to live my life intentionally seeking all that God has for me and my family.
Follow me at:

www.fromblacktoptodirtroad.com

From Blacktop to Dirt Road on Facebook

laurenspach on Instagram