Am I really talking about this?
I’m really talking about this.

Yes, it’s uncomfortable, and maybe kind of wierd that my PG rated self is going there, but the struggle is real. And you guys know I’m all about being real over here. Because trying to figure out your sex life while you and your husband are raising babies is a tough one. And to be honest, it’s one of the things that comes up time and time again when I’m sitting around talking with my girl friends.

So having said that, I thought we could talk a little bit today about some things that have worked for me. And my friends. And you. Things that can make sex fun AND enjoyable while you are raising those sweet kids that got here because of that thing you did that one night that you’re so desperately wanting to be normal again. Because sex while you are raising little kids CAN be hard… But it doesn’t always have to be.

Here are some things to keep in mind and try when you’re trying to figure out your new sex life while raising babies.

1. Recognize it’s just going to be different

I don’t know about you, but having kids changed me. Not only did my lady regions change, but my energy, my mind set, and my heart. But recognizing that and not having unrealistic expectations is the best place to start.

2. Talk about it

Not only did things change for me, but they did for my husband as well. Chances are things might be different for him too, and he may be a little nervous to tell you that. Talk about what you’re feeling, communicate while you’re having sex, and get a game plan together.

Speaking of game plans….

3. Schedule it out

For me, knowing I was going to have sex ahead of time was a game changer. It gave me something to look forward to, gave me a timeline of when to shower and get ready (ha!) and helped me schedule my day accordingly. This was hard for us, because before kids sex was spontaneous and surprising. But in those early newborn and infant months, this was so helpful! It’s even helpful now during really busy seasons of our lives when my husband is out working more than usual, so this may be something good for those of you who you or your husband regularly travel.

4. Try something new

I don’t know about you, but things did feel different to a certain extent after having kids. Experimenting with new positions and talking through what felt good and what didn’t was key. It may be a little uncomfortable at first, but better to say what’s on both of your minds and be able to figure out what you both enjoy rather that assuming what you used to do still is best.

5. Flirt during the day

This is the one that changed things for me. Sometimes as a mama, especially one that stays home, I’m touched, grabbed, spit on, and hugged (also known as violently mauled) all day by my kids. It can be hard for me to go from that environment all day to having to push a button and be ready for intimacy with my husband. Fact of the matter is, I’m no sex unicorn. Some days, I’d rather just curl up on the couch and not be touched at all by anyone, including my man (no offense to him). But flirting during the day can really change your attitude towards sex. Send him a flirty text, wrap your arms around him at dinner, or lay a big one on him when he walks in the door. Because really, when was the last time you gave your husband a long, passionate kiss? If your answer is “the last time we had sex,” try spontaneously giving him one during the day, and I mean really go in for it… I can guarantee you it will catch him off guard and both of your minds will start to shift in the right direction.

6. Go get something that makes you feel beautiful

I’m not talking Victoria’s Secret model beautiful, but you and your man kind of beautiful. For me, finding lingerie that fit my mama body type and letting my husband help me pick them out was so fun. And the fact that he came along and was interested made it even better. It’s hard to embrace the way our bodies change after having kids, but having something that you feel comfortable in can make all the difference in the world. And just think about what a great surprise your husband will get when you take off your yoga pants and spit-up t-shirt to reveal what’s beneath? You rock it, mama!

7. Take time away

Hire a sitter, drop the kids off at grandmas, get out of town overnight, do whatever it takes to be alone. So often, we moms get so consumed by our littles that we have a hard time shutting off our mom brains and putting on our wife brains. But our guys need our attention, just like we need theirs. And getting uninterrupted time for just the two of you to be intimate may be just what you need.

So there you go. If you find you and your husband trying to get your groove back while you are raising those sweet little people, give some of these a try. We were created to enjoy intimacy with our husbands, even after the kids come along. Your sex life, and your marriage, is SO WORTH IT.

Sex And Raising Babies:  7 Ways To Bring Back Intimacy   www.herviewfromhome.com

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Lauren Eberspacher

I'm Lauren and I'm a work-in-progress farmer's wife, coffee addict, follower of Jesus and a recovering perfectionist. When I don't have my three kids attached at my hip, you can find me bringing meals into the fields, dancing in my kitchen, making our house a home, and chatting over a piece of pie with my girl friends. I'm doing my best to live my life intentionally seeking all that God has for me and my family. Follow me at: www.fromblacktoptodirtroad.com From Blacktop to Dirt Road on Facebook laurenspach on Instagram

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

So God Made My Daughter a Wrestler

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young female wrestler wearing mouth guard and wrestling singlet

God made my girl a wrestler. Gosh, those are words I would never have thought I would say or be so insanely proud to share with you. But I am. I know with 100 percent certainty and overwhelming pride that God made my girl a wrestler. But it’s been a journey. Probably one that started in the spring of 2010 when I was pregnant with my first baby and having the 20-week anatomy ultrasound. I remember hearing the word “girl” and squealing. I was over the moon excited—all I could think about were hair bows and cute outfits. And so...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

You May Be a Big Brother, but You’ll Always Be My Baby

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother with young son, color photo

It seems like yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital. Back then, we were new parents, clueless but full of love—a love that words can hardly explain. I can vividly recall holding you in my arms, rocking you in the cutest nursery, and singing sweet lullabies, just like yesterday. I can picture those times when you were teeny-tiny, doing tummy time, and how proud I was of you for lifting your head. And oh, the happiness on your face when “Baby Shark” played over and over—that song always made you smile! We made sure to capture your growth...

Keep Reading

“It Looks and Tastes Like Candy.” Mom Shares Warning about THC Gummies All Parents Need to Hear

In: Kids, Living, Teen
Hand holding bottle of THC gummies

What Aimee Larsen first thought was a stomach bug turned out to be something much more terrifying for her young son. Her 9-year-old woke up one day last week seeming “lethargic, barely able to stand or speak,” his mom shared in a Facebook post. At first, she assumed he had a virus, but something about his behavior just didn’t seem right. She called an ambulance and asked her older sons if their brother might have gotten into something, like cough syrup or another over-the-counter medicine. Their answer? “Yeah, THC gummies.” THC gummies are an edible form of cannabis that contain...

Keep Reading

My Child with Special Needs Made His Own Way in His Own Time

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding child's hand walking across street

I want to tell you the story of a little boy who came to live with me when he was three years old. Some of you may find this story familiar in your own life. Your little boy or girl may have grown inside you and shares your DNA or maybe they came into your life much older than three. This little boy, this special child, my precious gift has special needs. Just five short years ago, he was a bit mean and angry, he said few understandable words, and there was a lot about this world he didn’t understand. Unless...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter as You Grow into Yourself

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Girl in hat and dress-up clothes, color photo

My daughter, I watched you stand in front of the mirror, turning your body left and right. Your skirt was too big and your top on backward. Your bright blue eyeshadow reached your eyebrows and bold red blush went up to your ears. You didn’t care. I watched you marvel at your body, feeling completely at ease in your skin. You turned and admired yourself with pride. You don’t see imperfections. You don’t see things you are lacking. You see goodness. You see strength. RELATED: Daughter, When You Look in the Mirror, This is What I Hope You See I’m...

Keep Reading

Organized Sports Aren’t Everything

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young girl with Alpaca, color photo

Today I watched my little girl walk an alpaca. His name is Captain. Captain is her favorite. He’s my favorite too. I met his owner on Instagram of all places. She thought I was in college; I thought she was a middle-aged woman. Turns out, she is in high school, and I am a middle-aged woman. This random meeting led to a blessing. We call it “llama lessons.” We take llama lessons every other week. It’s an hour away on the cutest hobby farm. Our “teacher” is Flora, who boards her llamas at the alpaca farm. She wants to teach...

Keep Reading

I Had to Learn to Say “I’m Sorry” to My Kids

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom hugs tween daughter

My two oldest kiddos are at the front end of their teen years. I remember that time in my own life. I was loud, somewhat dramatic, I let my hormones control me, and I never—ever—apologized. This last part was because no one ever really taught me the value of apology or relationship repair. Now, I could do some parent blaming here but let’s be real, if you were a kid whose formative years were scattered between the late ’80s and early ’90s, did you get apologies from your parents? If so, count that blessing! Most parents were still living with...

Keep Reading

5 Things Your Child’s Kindergarten Teacher Wants You To Know

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child raising hand in kindergarten class

I am a teacher. I have committed my life to teaching children. Of course, before I began this career, I had visions of standing in front of a group of eager-eyed children and elaborating on history, science, and math lessons. I couldn’t wait to see the “lightbulb” moments when students finally understood a reading passage or wrote their first paper. And then I had my first day. Children are not cut out of a textbook (shocking, I know) but as a young 23-year-old, it knocked me right off my feet. I was thrown into the lion’s den, better known as...

Keep Reading