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I see him pick up his phone and smirk. He’s quick to respond, his thumbs fly across the keys. It isn’t long before another notification grabs his attention, again he’s quick to reply. The dimples I adore flash across his face and the cycle continues.

And it hits me. I’m sometimes jealous of the friendships my husband has with his buddies.

They text each other about the simplest (and dumbest) of things. They ask each other how to fix things. They show each other ads on Marketplace for cars or lawnmowers or whatever one of them is looking for. They trade hysterical GIFs. They exchange sarcastic and good-natured barbs.

They help each other with real-life stuff and they make each other laugh. They are doing life together. I’m grateful he has those friendships because I know the richness friendship adds to life.

RELATED: Real Friendship is Worth the Effort

I’ve never had a big group of friends. I have a couple of friends I hold close, yet my bestie and I struggle to do life together. We’re busy, focused on our families, working hard to be successful, and volunteering time to causes we feel are important. We’re trying to exercise and keep houses clean and walking dogs and driving kids, and it doesn’t leave much time for browsing GIFs.

Not to say our husbands aren’t busy. Perhaps they’re just better at making time. Too often we go days without exchanging anything and weeks without seeing each other. If she needed me, I’d drop everything to be there. She’s on my heart and in my prayers, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like she’s in my life.

We always seem to pick up where we left off, and we always say it’s been too long. Even though we love one another and tell each other so, it seems finding time for each other is a struggle.

My husband and his buddies are showing me the way. They don’t wait for a long lunch to connect; they send a quick text while watching the game. They don’t wait for an invitation; they show up unannounced. They don’t wait until they’re asked for help; they show up and get their hands dirty.

Somewhere along the line, my friend and I created a routine where we wait until our schedules align to have an hour together rather than seizing little moments in between the rest of life. Our hour-long lunches fly by, catching up on the highlights and low points. We only skim the surface of much or go deep on one thing as time allows. In doing so, we’re missing out on the ordinary stuff.

So much of life is ordinary. I want to swap recipes or wander Costco or go for a walk on a random Tuesday. I want to get my hands dirty in her garden or fold towels while we talk.

RELATED: I’m Thankful For the Friendships That Time and Distance Can’t Break

We half-joke about how we’re not very good at being friends even though we’re dear friends. Perhaps it is the season of life or misplaced priorities or a combination of both that has us missing each other.

Maybe the frequency doesn’t matter as much as the strength of the connection. We cheer for one another and celebrate small victories. We show up for funerals and hard conversations. Most importantly we point each other to Jesus.

From now on, when I notice my husband looking amused as he exchanges texts with one of his buddies, I’ll take it as a reminder to pick up my phone and text my bestie. Because I believe we’re built for connection and sharing the ordinary, everyday stuff makes it extraordinary.

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Michelle Koch

Michelle truly believes that our lives are meant to be amazing adventures and that those adventures can keep us close to home or take us around the world. She dreams of living in the country, but within close proximity to a Target. She is married to a guy she has loved for more than 25 years and doesn’t feel old enough for that to be possible. Her son has her wrapped around his dirty little fingers. Michelle writes about seeking grace, celebrating beauty, and living with gratitude at One Grateful Girl. You can connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

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