Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

“Mommy, I want you to be happy.”

The first time my 3-year-old said this to me it was like a punch in the gut. Because I wasn’t happy in that moment. Not at all.

We were standing in the parking lot at daycare and neither one of my kids would get into his car seat. Neither wanted my help to get into his seat, either. It had been a long day at work, with a stressful commute, and even though my kids were probably wiped out from the day too, I could have really used four good listening ears.

So I had my mad face on. And my terse voice, and tense shoulders. I desperately just wanted to go home, fast forward the day, and get to bed. ALL of that was on my face and in my tone. There was no fake cheeriness, just a clear message of “Mommy’s not happy, fall in line.” I wasn’t hiding it, but I also wasn’t expecting to be called out.

Preschoolers learn emotions from family, friends, books, cartoons and those handy little emotion dolls. They start to recognize happy, sad, angry, and surprised. They also quickly realize that happy is the most fun state to be in. It’s the one in which there are giggles, and “sure, five more minutes” and maybe even a treat after dinner. So when I was clearly not happy, my son wanted to flip the script. Fast.

The hard part was that of course I wanted to be happy, too. I love being happy! Happiness rocks. Plus, I had so much to be happy about. Two amazing kids, a wonderful husband, my health, a good job, a roof over my head, food in the fridge . . . Was I the worst for being unhappy in that moment and letting my kids see? Was I setting a bad example of what it meant to have a positive attitude? And how wonderful would it be if I could be actively grateful every minute of the day and approach each challenge with a bright smile? No flies on me—let’s do it!

But it’s not realistic. I’m human. Sometimes I’m not happy. Sometimes there are very good reasons why I’m not happy. Sometimes there are garbage reasons why I’m not happy. Fortunately, it is not an undercurrent of unhappy that seeps into everything I say and do. Nor am I battling depression like millions of brave men and women around the world. But there are minutes, or hours, or days when things just aren’t lining up. I get frustrated, angry, or sad. It’s reflected on my face and in my body language and in my voice. I’m not happy about not being happy, but that’s just real life.

Parenting offers me a new lesson every day, and the one I’m working on now is the permission to be unhappy. Now when I get upset and my son tells me that he wants me to be happy, I try not to get bent out of shape or beat myself up for having feelings. Instead I say “Me too, bud. But right now I am not happy.” I explain why I’m feeling this way and what steps I can take, or we can take together, to get back to happy. I’m hoping that will help him understand that he doesn’t have to be happy all the time either. I may not agree that he is mad that I didn’t let him drive the car, but he’s allowed to be mad. There’s nothing wrong with feelings, and it’s healthy to express them.

The other night, my son told me he understood that he couldn’t eat ice cream for dinner, but he was still a little mad at me. And right now he wasn’t happy.

You know what? That made me kind of happy. Maybe I’m doing something right.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Becca Carnahan

Becca Carnahan is career coach, author, and mom from Massachusetts. Her writing combines funny and relatable parenting stories with career advice to make the whole process of finding or creating a career you love a lot more fun. Sign up for her weekly working mom newsletter at withlovebecca.com.

I Come Alive at Christmas

In: Motherhood
Kitchen decorated for Christmas

It’s time again. Time for the lights and the trees and candy canes and tiny porcelain village homes. It’s time to shake off all that this year has thrown at me and come alive again. My favorite time of year is here and it’s time to make some magic. My mom started the magic of Christmas for me when I was little, and I was infatuated with the joy that it brought to so many people. Loved ones come together and everything sparkles and people who don’t normally come to church are willing to join us in the pews. Everything...

Keep Reading

Brothers Fight Hard and Love Harder

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two boys play outside, one lifting the other on his back

The last few years have been a whirlwind. My head has sometimes been left spinning; we have moved continents with three boys, three and under at the time. Set up home and remained sufficiently organized despite the complete chaos to ensure everyone was where they were meant to be on most days. Living in a primarily hockey town, the winters are filled with coffee catch-ups at the arena, so it was no surprise when my youngest declared his intention to play hockey like his school friends. Fully aware that he had never held a hockey stick or slapped a puck,...

Keep Reading

Stop Putting an Expiration Date on Making Memories

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and son in small train ride

We get 12 times to play Santa (if we’re lucky). This phrase stopped my scroll on a Sunday evening. I had an idea of the direction this post was going but I continued on reading. 12 spring breaks 12 easter baskets 20 tooth fairy visits 13 first days of school 1 first date 1-2 proms 1-2 times of seeing them in their graduation cap and gown 18 summers under the same roof And so on and so on. It was essentially another post listing the number of all the monumental moments that we, Lord willing, will get to experience with our...

Keep Reading

Connecting with My Teen Son Will Always Be Worth the Wait

In: Motherhood, Teen
Teen boy standing near lamppost, color photo

So much of parenting teens is just waiting around, whether it’s in the car picking them up, reading in waiting rooms now that they are old enough to visit the dentist alone, and quite honestly, a lot of sitting around at home while they cocoon in their rooms or spend hours FaceTiming friends. Sure, you have your own life. You work, run a household, have your own friends, and plan solo adventures to show your teen that you’re not just waiting around for them all the time. That you are cool with them not needing you so much. But deep...

Keep Reading

This Is Why Moms Ask for Experience Gifts

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Mother and young daughter under Christmas lights wearing red sweaters

When a mama asks for experience gifts for her kids for Christmas, please don’t take it as she’s ungrateful or a Scrooge. She appreciates the love her children get, she really does. But she’s tired. She’s tired of the endless number of toys that sit in the bottom of a toy bin and never see the light of day. She’s tired of tripping over the hundreds of LEGOs and reminding her son to pick them up so the baby doesn’t find them and choke. She’s tired of having four Elsa dolls (we have baby Elsa, Barbie Elsa, a mini Elsa,...

Keep Reading

6 Things You Can Do Now to Help Kids Remember Their Grandparents

In: Grief, Living, Loss, Motherhood
Grandfather dances with granddaughter in kitchen

A month ago, my mom unexpectedly passed away. She was a vibrant 62-year-old grandma to my 4-year-old son who regularly exercised and ate healthy. Sure, she had some health scares—breast cancer and two previous brain aneurysms that had been operated on successfully—but we never expected her to never come home after her second surgery on a brain aneurysm. It has been devastating, to say the least, and as I comb through pictures and videos, I have gathered some tips for other parents of young kids to do right now in case the unexpected happens, and you’re left scrambling to never...

Keep Reading

To the Parents Who Coach: Thank You

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother with young son in soccer uniform, color photo

I always planned on being an involved parent, whatever that would mean. Never an athlete, always athletic, I joined the swim team in high school, taught swim lessons for spending money as a college freshman, played intramural soccer at 10 p.m. on weeknights on a college team with a ridiculous name. Later, mama to only one baby, finding extra dollars wherever I could, I coached track. And then, my own babies really started to play sports. I promised myself I would volunteer as possible, but something always stood in the way, and all I could manage was to get my...

Keep Reading

I’m Leaning into Kintsugi Parenting

In: Motherhood
Mom hugs little girl with pigtails

My 5-year-old daughter whimpers in the darkness. “I am putting the baby down,” I whisper, the rocking chair creaking. “You need to go with Dad.” Even in the dark, I can make out the stubborn, I’m-not-going-anywhere look. Call it defiance. Call it deep attachment to me. All I know is that to be so openly disobeyed makes me run a gauntlet of emotions. First, I feel irked that she’ll wake up the baby, but that’s the surface-level stuff. What really gets to me is the fear—am I doing a bad job because my kid won’t readily “obey”? Have I failed...

Keep Reading

A C-Section Mom Simply Needs You to Hear Her Story

In: Baby, Motherhood
Newborn baby crying in doctor's hands

As an expecting mother, I was told all about the sleepless nights. People made sure to give their opinion on whether I should bottle feed, breastfeed, or exclusively pump. I was told which swaddle to buy, which sound machine worked best, and when to introduce a pacifier. They told me about sleep training but that it really didn’t matter because I wouldn’t get any sleep anyway. Whenever I would mention how scared I was to give birth, I’d always get the same response: oh. honey, don’t worry, your body will know what to do. I remember listening to calming meditations...

Keep Reading

Life’s Most Precious Treasures are the People I Get To Love

In: Motherhood
Family relaxing together on a bed at home

Life is a whirlwind. The days blur into weeks, and the weeks into years, leaving us wondering where the time has gone. In the blink of an eye, my oldest boys, once tiny tots, have now reached the ripe age of 10. With eight more years until they venture off to college, I find myself acutely aware of the fleeting nature of their childhood. As a mom juggling multiple roles—household manager, PTO president, bookkeeper, and the support and sales backbone of my husband’s real estate business—life often feels like a relentless marathon. In the midst of this whirlwind, I have...

Keep Reading