It started with pain, doubt, and prayers just moments before they laid you in my waiting arms. The cumulation of months of planning, anticipation, and excitement all ended in a small, brown-haired little doll who we could dress in pink. I quickly handed you over my head to the eager hands of your older sister, who promptly took her spot in the rocking chair, welcoming you into our family.
Many nights, I would hear your tiny sounds as you rooted around, waiting for me to pick you up, carry you to that same rocking chair, fill your tummy, and pat your back. Some nights, the exhaustion was so bad I wondered how I could go on another moment without sleep, yet I knew these moments were the very things I had so long prayed for.
When you turned two, the rocking chair grew snug as we added a baby sister to my lap, the three of us rocking together. You were sure this new baby’s sole purpose was to be your own baby doll and instant best friend. When she was older, you would be the one to rock her to sleep but also the one to lead her straight into mischief. Wherever you led, she was close on your heels.
Time continued, and many more babies were added to our family, each one loved by you. You rocked, sang, danced, and teased them. When you became a teenager, you became their babysitter because who would know them better than the big sister who was my right-hand lady? I knew when I left them in your hands, they were in good care, just as if I were caring for them myself.
Long before you started your photography business, you often dressed them up and had them model for you. As your skill increased, so did the number of beautiful pictures you took each time I left the house. When they balked at posing, you bribed them with suckers and produced some of my most cherished keepsakes.
After we received the devastating diagnosis that our family would be losing one of your sisters, you saw the need to make every moment with her count. You made silly videos, took her to the rocking chair for nap time, and made sure she knew how much you loved her.
When the day arrived for us to say goodbye, our family was riddled with grief as we cried and prayed over our tiniest member. Even though my heart was splitting wide open, I still saw you across the room. With tear-filled eyes, there you sat, a younger sibling tucked under each arm, trying to guide and shield them from the grief that was filling the room. You took the time to care for them in the hardest of moments. When I, as your mom, couldn’t care for anyone else, you were selfless. You were the strong one.
I hope you know how proud of you I am, my precious daughter. Your love shines through in everything you do. You are everything I prayed for.
by Kristi Killpack 
