I live with Borrowers. At least I’m 99% positive that is what is going on. Do you remember that story about the tiny people who live, hidden, in your homes and “borrow” your things? I’m almost certain I have them at my house. How else do you explain the constant missing of all the things?

It most certainly cannot be my housekeeping skills, as those are impeccable (I jest).

It most certainly cannot be two kids who always respect the boundaries of personal property.

It most certainly is not the two dogs who always behave and never ever steal socks for tug-o-war.

The only possible explanation is that I have Borrowers, and by the rate that things go missing in my house, I might be infested. Here is just a sample of what turns up missing in our home:
1. Scissors. We have 5 pair that are supposed to stay in a kitchen drawer, never ever are they there.
2. Remote Controls. I have replaced them and lost the replacements MORE THAN ONCE. Thank goodness for Prime shipping.
3. Fingernail Clippers. Again, these go in a kitchen drawer and still when I open it POOF! Gone.
4. Hair accessory items. This includes ties, Bobby pins, clips, bows, headbands, ribbons, etc. I have spent hundreds of dollars on these things over the course of my life. Why, Borrowers, why?!
5. Shoes. Okay this one COULD be the dog’s children’s fault.

As a mother, I have very good finding skills. I find lost books, backpacks, toys, keys, phones, shoes (SHOES!) on a daily basis. Yet, for some supernatural reason I cannot I ever find what has been “borrowed.” But here’s the thing. I have plenty of things in my life that I wish would disappear forever (student loans, war, famine). Why can’t I get my Borrowers to work with me, instead of against me? I wish I could leave a list out for our Borrowers, because I have a few items I’d like to be gone forever.

1. The microphone toy. Beloved by my children and despised by everyone else ever.
2. Baby weight. Despite my best efforts the thirty pounds I gained during baby number three have not budged one bit.
3. My husband’s basketball shoes. Not worn to play basketball and Slimer green, but apparently they’re fresh?
4. The perpetual pile of dishes in my sink. I clear it out and within 5 minutes dishes return.
5. The Angries. You know those times when you are seconds away from a fit of blinding rage? No? Just me then. Right, moving on. 

This weekend, I will be sending my children to hunt for our Borrowers. I figure if I give them each a flashlight and magnifying glass they will be entertained for hours minutes and allow me to go shopping online in peace where, in true mom fashion, I will be filling my cart with cute tops, new shoes, and kitchen gadgets, but I will only end up purchasing… new remotes.