To My Dad in Heaven on Father's Day

To my dad in Heaven on Father’s Day,

When I was little, you seemed invincible. The strongest man who could fix anything. But even you couldn’t fix being sick. And saying goodbye was one of the hardest days of my life.

Every day since has been hard without you here. But today of all days feels especially cruel. I know Father’s Day comes every year. But when I see the first ad to celebrate Dad with a special card or special gift, my heart crumbles like it’s the first Father’s Day without you all over again.

I so wish I could mail a letter to Heaven or that we could call and chat, but instead, I dig through my memories and try to remember the timbre of your voice and the boom in your laugh. Instead of sitting across the table and seeing your smiling face, I flip through photographs and am gutted when I remember the years run on without adding any new photos of you. Some day there will be more years without you than with you. And that thought breaks my heart even more.

You have missed some big moments like my wedding and the birth of my babies. Graduation. Wonderful vacations. So many holidays. Father’s Day is always a big moment, another day I can’t help but wish for you and only have a memory.

The big moments sting, but it’s all the in-between moments, the smaller everyday things that build a daddy-daughter love more. It’s the little talks about nothing that add up to an awful lot. Or the helping hand you would lend because I would always be your baby (even though I could have done it myself). It’s the miles in the car or miles down a street that were never too far. But today, Heaven is just too far away.

I don’t think I will ever not miss you. I don’t think my heart will ever heal. Even though it’s hard and even though it hurts, I celebrate you today, because it’s Father’s Day—and you were the best dad anyone could have asked for. So today, I remember and cherish the holidays, the vacations, and the smaller things you were here for.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you from here to Heaven . . . and always will.