I wasn’t ready to let you go. When I was a little girl, one of my greatest fears was that something would happen to my parents. If they had to go somewhere, I would nervously follow their route in my mind, mentally noting where they probably were and when they should be back home. If they hadn’t returned by the time I thought they should, my imagination would get the best of me as I pictured a thousand things that could have happened.

But the day I sat having a late breakfast at my kitchen table and saw an ambulance hurry past, I could not have imagined that it was time to face a devastating heartbreak and loss. Later, my mom and I followed that ambulance to the hospital, expecting to be talking to Dad in a recovery room. I would tell him he gave us quite a scare and that I couldn’t wait for him to be back to his usual self.

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Instead, the nurse told us Dad had no heartbeat. We could go back and say goodbye. But how could I? I couldn’t think of anything else to say but, “My dad! My dad!” I numbly watched as the final attempts at CPR were made. I noticed that Dad had a hole in his sock. I went to him and whispered goodbye. “I love you, Dad. You were the best dad.”

But how was I supposed to go on from there? Such unexpected sorrow can leave even the strongest reeling. One small step forward is being honest. Honest with myself. Honest with others. Honest with God. God knows it all anyway. We can tell Him all about it. Loss hurts. It just stinks. It’s pain you can’t escape from, so acknowledge that reality.

Then find your people, the ones who sympathize and empathize with you. The ones who have been there before and know how it feels. I was blessed to have many friends and family to lean on. One of my best emotional outlets is the group text I have with my four sisters. We can help bear each other’s sorrow.

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And then look forward to the future. No, life will never be the same. But you can live like they would have wanted you to live. Live like you will be seeing them again soon. Because by the grace of God, you will be.

And as I face the fears I had as a child, I find that God gives grace for every circumstance. We can trust Him for that. When the time comes for painful separation, His strength and grace are sufficient.