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I never expected to lose my best friends after having a baby. And I definitely never imagined my in-laws would never meet my children. But as hard as it is, I’m thankful for it now.

Sure, I knew things would change after having kids. I knew it would be harder. I knew it would cause even more planning than before. But I never expected it to end up so lonely. 

After I had Adalynnand literally, barely made it out aliveI knew friendships, and relationships in general, would become harder and more tedious, but I never expected to lose some of those closest to me. 

RELATED: Dear Friends I’ve Lost in Motherhood

Anyone who has had kids knows it changes and transforms everything, including your relationships to those who were once closest to you. Sure, some become closer, but unfortunately, more drift away. And eventually, those who helped make you who you are, are no longer there. 

It’s complicated more than they’ll ever know. At least for now, or at least until they have babes of their own one day. Parenthood is a new love, a new reason for life, yet very challenging and, every day, tough. It makes you remember who you were, but yet question who you are. And now, more than ever, you need those friendships closest to you. To remind you, to encourage you, and quite frankly just love you and your little(s) for who you are. 

After you become a parent, it’s like your friends fall into three categories: those who don’t have kids, those who do have kids, and those you’re friends with because of their kid(s). And while I hate to categorize, this truly feels like reality for me. You would like to think friendship isn’t confined to a specific type of relationship, but I fear it may bealthough it should not. (Just based on my personal experience) 

Adalynn is amazing. Emberly is amazing. They are so much more than we prayed for or ever thought we would have, yet here they are. It’s been the hardest but best thing we’ve ever done . . . and continue to do daily. 

RELATED: Dear Uninvolved Family, I’m Sad You Don’t Care Enough to Know Us

Those who were closest to us, have pulled away, so let me be clear and say: The loss is yours. We miss you. We miss your friendship more than you’ll ever know, but you’re missing out on the best things that have ever happened to us. There is truly no bigger loss than yours. They’re both better than we’ll ever be and will do big, big things one day. 

We don’t wish you ill will and will always want nothing but the best and health and happiness for you. But should you find yourself in our shoes one day, I hope you know we’re still here. Even though you weren’t for us. 

Friendship is important. Understanding is important. But understanding those who may be going through life events at a different time than you is most important. Life is hard enough. Don’t make it harder. Love hard. Love deep. And remember, those who truly love you will be there regardless.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

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Holly Massengill

I am a mom of two girls (3.5 and 1.5 currently). Happily married for nine years. Additionally, I am a Nurse Practitioner, and I own a medical health clinic. 

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