Although God doesn’t always shield us from our challenges, he does promise to transform us through them.
If you’ve ever had a pregnancy loss, you know it’s an experience unlike any other.
You not only experience emptiness of the heart, but you experience emptiness of the womb—that sacred space in which you were growing a life. It’s an incredibly difficult loss because you must deal with both the emotional impact as well as the physical impact of the loss. You inevitably feel every sensation and pain in your body as it adapts to no longer being pregnant.
To be able to grow life within you I believe is as much a spiritual experience as it is a physical one.
So, it’s no wonder we question God and the meaning behind our loss as we work through grief.
When I lost my first pregnancy through a missed miscarriage, I felt completely blindsided. After spending my entire childhood dreaming about how perfect my pregnancy story would be, I never fathomed the possibility that it would be anything but perfect.
I kept this perfect vision until the day my doctor told me there was no longer a fetal heartbeat. Aside from feeling shocked, in denial for quite some time, and eventually profoundly grief-stricken, I questioned God bigtime.
Why would God allow this to happen? Why did I have to experience such a devastating loss in this way? Did I do something to deserve this? Was I not good enough? I asked all kinds of questions through tears of confusion, anguish, and anxiety in the days and months that followed my loss.
After my third pregnancy loss, I was in such emotional pain and confusion that I was beside myself. I had nowhere left to go within myself and nothing left that I could possibly do to control what was out of my hands. I realized the only thing left to do was completely surrender myself to God’s plan and purpose for me.
I surrendered my life in a way I’d never done before. It was a trust-fall into the arms of someone I could not see but had to continually trust was there.
I didn’t realize at the time the empowerment that comes when you surrender.
Something incredible happens over time . . .
You experience a sense of peace even when you still grieve.
You’re able to redirect your anxious thoughts more easily when they pop up.
You’re able to get through each day a little better than the previous.
And you begin to see various things in your life coming together for you, and prayers gradually being answered.
God is never silent although at times it feels like He is.
God doesn’t waste anything, including our moments of suffering.
It is in my brokenness that He rebuilds me.
Time and again, Scripture reveals God’s delight in using “broken” people—transforming what would have been into something full of purpose. You may not notice it amidst your suffering, but there is a plan, purpose, and process for all things.
This means that certain things need to come into place before you receive the next things in your heart. A butterfly doesn’t come to be a butterfly without a process and transformation. Steps need to happen for it to be ready to fly.
The same holds true for the process of your life. Each experience influences the next, helping to shape the entirety of your life in ways that would not have been, had you not known the sorrow.
Sometimes it is only in the brokenness that we can be rebuilt anew in God’s grace and to our next highest potential.
And the broken pieces from your grief and sorrow don’t just lay at your feet. They are taken up by the hand of God and used for the greatest good. Surrender allows us the space to be uplifted and rebuilt.
It is my hope that you can relax in the knowledge that God sees what lies ahead. He knows what He desires to accomplish in every event of your life.
Today and every day God has a prayer for you. He may seem silent amid your grief, but He is ever-present, and you will find subtle moments in which to experience this truth. It can be a moment of relief from pain or a feeling of peace that unexpectedly comes over you.
Lastly, my friend, know you are worthy of all good things through God. I can’t say what these good things will look like for you, but I can confidently tell you that good is always in the works.
For every step you take today toward healing and toward the life you want, know that God is taking many more steps for your benefit.