Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

Dear wife whose husband loves another woman,

I loathed reading your story because I have been where you are. There is no pain in my life that compares to that of finding out about my husband’s affair. Notice, I said husband, not ex. We made it, and you can too! It wasn’t easy but it was worth it.

I saw the comments on your article, so many well-meaning women who believe you are delusional or submissive. But I know you better than that.

I know that you were blindsided, because I was, too. Like you, my husband is a man of faith, and we grew up together as teenagers, high school sweethearts. It was a lovely and beautiful story, until suddenly the words came out of his mouth, “I’m having an affair.” If he didn’t tell me himself, I wouldn’t have believed him because he was the last person in the world I ever expected to hear that from.

Like so many of the posters, I was the woman who said, “If my man ever cheated, he’d be out the door so fast!” The irony of being that woman and having to eat my own words was never lost on me.

But here’s the thing: in the hypothetical situation, before you have lived it, you can’t fathom the experience itself. And one thing I have come to learn about infidelity is that no two stories are alike. Some spouses cheat many times, and give encouragement to the adage “once a cheater, always a cheater” and others just end up there in completely unique ways.

In my case, my husband had an emotional breakdown. He had never properly dealt with some trauma from his past, and experienced parental abandonment at the same time he was sent away from our family for work. It was the perfect storm for Satan to attack, and that’s exactly what happened.

A co-worker began to catch his attention. He knew that was wrong. To this day when he talks about it, the guilt and shame are so evident on his face. He fell to the temptation. In his emotional weakness, he filled himself with anything that would mask his pain including drinking and other things, too. It was absolutely horrifying when I found out just how deep the problem went.

There I was, keeping the home fires burning, while he is acting like a single man partying away. To this day, reflecting on being that wife devastates me. Knowing we will always have this ugly stain on our lives is truly heart breaking.

I knew this wasn’t my husband. I knew this was a product of so much, and thankfully even though my husband had developed feelings for the other woman too, he finally came to his senses and realized all he stood to lose.

I, on the other hand, blindsided and betrayed in the worst way possible, immediately went into damage control. Somehow, I managed to keep the house afloat and raise my three young children through it. I read all that I could, I opened up to my pastor and a few friends and family I knew would be trustworthy, non-judgemental and prayerful. I wasn’t expecting to be a divorced mom of three kids, and I wasn’t OK losing the life I had built and having my future dreams suddenly squashed.

So I stuck it out. Oh, the stories I could tell, but in the limitation of words I have to keep it simple. My husband returned home, left the job he was at, and like yours, committed to trying even though his heart seemed elsewhere. We went on a marriage retreat, we did counselling separately and together, we completed step studies through Celebrate Recovery to overcome his brokenness that lead to his affair, and my brokenness after going through it. We screamed, cried, argued and made up.

It was not easy. It’s now been five years, and it’s still not always easy. But it is so worth it. My husband made poor choices that he will have to live with for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, I will too. But I would even if we didn’t reconcile.

My children are growing up with their parents together. We now have a greater sense of commitment to our marriage. My husband is open, honest, and completely willing to hear me out whenever anything bothers me. He is completely sober and honestly, an even better family man than ever before because he knows how close he came to losing it all.

Our marriage will never be the same, but it is healing. Not all situations are black and white, and it’s not always the right choice to stay, but I knew in my heart it was and I haven’t regretted that. Someone told me at the time, “You took your vows seriously, and you will fight for your marriage until you believe there’s no fight left.” And that is exactly what I did.

My husband’s bad choice hasn’t destroyed us because I didn’t let it, and I’m pretty sure that’s harder than just leaving. That’s courageous—when your heart is broken into a thousand pieces and you choose to forgive and trust the one who shattered it in hopes of the marriage you always dreamed of.

You got this. I am rooting for you. I am proof that you can do this!

Hang in there. Rome wasn’t built in a day . . . 

Praying for you, friend!

You may also like: 

Why I Chose to Stay After My Husband Was Unfaithful

The Surprising Way Back to Trust After an Affair

Your Husband’s Affair Had Nothing to do With Your Sex Life, Your Weight, or Your Date Nights

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here!

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at

Sometimes Love is Filling the Empty Water Bottle

In: Marriage
Husband looking at wife, color photo

It was just another typical chaotic morning in our home. As I was about to run out the door to pick up our daughter from school, I noticed my husband’s empty water bottle sitting on the counter. In a split second, I had a choice. I could leave now and take my time walking out to the parking lot. Or, I could stop to fill the water bottle up and end up doing a rushed jog out there. I stopped and filled the water bottle. I took a minute, fully knowing it would add another 60 seconds of chaos to...

Keep Reading

Marriage Is Too Short to Fight over Trash Bags

In: Marriage
Man hugging woman in front of a window

It was a Sunday, and we had just returned from a hospital stay with our medically complex daughter. We needed a reset—one of those “all house chores get tackled in a day” type of resets. We needed a fresh start. Around mid-day, my husband Josh and I were both in full cleaning mode. The morning had been chaotic. Our daughter was struggling with seizures, and our son was still buzzing with excitement from two birthday parties he had attended the day before. As he begged for the banana bread in the oven to cook faster and for more episodes of...

Keep Reading

Your Husband Needs Friendship Too

In: Faith, Friendship, Marriage
3 men smiling outside

As the clock inches closer to 7:00 on a Monday evening, I pull out whatever dessert I had prepared that week and set it out on the kitchen counter. This particular week it’s a trifle, but other weeks it may be brownies, pound cake, or cookies of some kind. My eyes do one last sweep to make sure there isn’t a tripping hazard disguised as a dog toy on the floor and that the leftover dinner is put away. Then, my kids and I make ourselves scarce. Sometimes that involves library runs or gym visits, but it mostly looks like...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, Some Days I Feel So Alone

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Woman holding toddler looking tired

Dear my love, I am sitting here at the table you built, back when time was plentiful, and money was sparse. Back when pre-drinks were always at our place, loving sleep-ins were abundant, and the days were our own. I wonder . . . back then, what we might have imagined our life would look like, 10 years later? Would we have pictured the white picket fence, the curly, fair-haired, sensitive little boy and cheeky little girl? We probably would have imagined that we would be hard working, but would we have pictured the deep-set exhaustion that is our day-to-day...

Keep Reading

I Never Thought I’d be Divorced…Twice

In: Living, Marriage
Woman walking away on boardwalk alone

Divorced. I never thought it’d be me. Especially twice divorced. Yet, here I am, single again after two failed marriages. I say failed because the marriages didn’t last. But were they really failures? Failure is defined as a “lack of success.” But by what yardstick is success measured? I know plenty of people in absolutely miserable marriages that I would not consider successful. So is it really fair to call my two marriages failures? I guess it depends on who you ask and what they see as a failure versus a success. Just because a marriage is legally intact doesn’t...

Keep Reading

Marriage Is So Much More than Love

In: Marriage
Husband and wife hugging, color photo

I met my husband when I was 19. I knew right away there was something there. I was intrigued by him—his looks, his smile, his big heart, his mysterious side. He was unapologetically himself. He listened to his music a little too loud, did his own thing, didn’t try to impress my parents, and lived his life on his own terms. With his hat backward, those big blue eyes, and that mischievous grin . . . I fell hook, line, and sinker. I loved the fact that he had his own house, his own boat, his own life. I was...

Keep Reading

Look for the Green Flags Too

In: Marriage
Couple hugs with twinkle lights in background

We all think we want that storybook romance. We want a partner to sweep into our lives, sing love songs outside of our bedroom window, buy huge bouquets of flowers for no particular reason, publicly declare their love for us every day, and when they’re wrong they should always apologize into a microphone in front of a large crowd. Besides the fact that most of the above are clues that Prince Charming is actually an undercover narcissist and you should probably run far away, this kind of romance sounds rather exhausting. Sure, it sounds fun for a while, but there’s...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Remember It All

In: Marriage
Man and woman touch foreheads and smile

Dear husband,  I remember when we were dating in high school, all snuggled up sitting on the couch by the fire in your parents’ basement, talking about our hopes and dreams for our future. We both hoped to be in each other’s future. I remember going on so many adventures. All the laughs, the jokes, all the times we got into trouble and said, “This will make a great story afterward.” I remember when you asked me to marry you. We were so young, so naive with no idea of what the future would hold, but we couldn’t have been...

Keep Reading

What Happens When Your Perfect Life Explodes?

In: Grief, Living, Loss, Marriage, Motherhood
Sad woman by window with her head in hands

One day you’re living your best life, writing articles about how perfect your marriage is, and the next, BOOM, life as you know it completely changes. I was blindsided by information that my husband had been lying to me for three years about certain aspects of our lives. I felt like I had been hit in the gut by the biggest rock you could imagine. What has followed has been a snowball of events and new information that has changed the course of my and my kids’ lives. So what do you do when your perfect explodes? This is one...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, In This Busy Season

In: Living, Marriage
Busy family in the kitchen, man walking into the door holding coffee

Dear husband,  I know this is a busy season for you. I see how hard you’re working. And I know you come home exhausted every night. I know you’d be here earlier—and more often—if you could. But you can’t. Because this is your busy season.  And there are a few things I need you to know.  This is hard for me too. Even on normal days, I’m on call 24/7 for the kids, but now, I don’t have you at home as backup. The needing never stops, and I no longer have you to share it with. I can’t say,...

Keep Reading