Today is the day you came into this world.

I waited nine long months for this moment! I always knew the morning sickness, aching back, swollen feet, and endless trips to the bathroom would all be worth it, but I couldn’t have imagined just how good it would be. I find my heart tirelessly thanking God for trusting me with one of His precious children. While I snuggle you and breath in your sweet newborn scent, I hang on to today, wishing this euphoria could last just a little bit longer.

Today is the day you took your first steps.

I’ve spent the last year waiting for this moment! You have become rather heavy, and I’ve been looking forward to having my arms and hands back. And you look oh so cute toddling around the house, falling yet always getting right back up again. But as you get more and more confident in your steps, I find myself hanging on to those moments when you choose to occupy my arms even if just for a second. If only the sparse snuggles could last just a little bit longer.

Today is the day I sent you off to kindergarten.

We’ve spent the last five years as an inseparable team, and now I have to push my way through eight full hours without you. As soon as I felt the emotions boiling over, I quickly pushed my sunglasses down over my eyes cried the whole way home. The silence in the house is deafening and puppy barks are far from filling the void you have left. After counting down the minutes, I finally pick you up from your big day, and you rush over to squeeze me tight and tell you me you missed me. Oh how I wish I could hold on to this after school moment just a little bit longer.

Today is the day you had your first rejection.

For 12 years, I’ve been dreading the day when someone would mistakenly decide you aren’t good enough for them, and oh how I wish this day would have never come! The pain of rejection and heartbreak stings and lingers, making me wish you could truly see your worth as God does. I pray you will quickly recover from this feeling of being less-than. As I sit with you on the couch and you thank me for being your support, I wish this special moment born from rejection could last just a little bit longer.

Today is the day I watched you walk out the door for your first date.

Sixteen years have come and gone, and your sweet little heart has found someone you long to get to know better. For your whole life, your love has been reserved for your mama but now it’s beginning to spread. I know the feeling all too well. Oh, my sweet boy, you have entered a new era of life and it will never be the same. You are becoming such an amazing man. As we go over basic chivalry, like opening the door and offering your jacket, I wish I could hang on to this pre-date moment just a little bit longer.

Today is the day I dropped you off at college.

For 18 years I have simultaneously looked forward to but mostly just dreaded this bittersweet day. You have grown into a man of God and are ready for some much-needed independence, but this mama’s heart is shattering. It fills my soul to see you succeeding, but my whole self weeps as I think about the empty bedroom now found within our house. I think of your sweet spirit the whole drive home, hoping that the influences of the world won’t overtake you on this new journey. As I walk into a now far-too-clean and quiet home, I’m flooded with memories that I’ve held on to so tightly. Oh how I wish I could hold on to my little boy for just a little bit longer. But son, you made me a Mama, you’ve filled my life with a sense of completeness, and now I can’t wait to just watch you soar.

Today is the day you will never get again. Instead of longing for the past, or reaching for the future, just hold on tight to this moment and pray that God will help you find joy in the many stages of motherhood.

Ellie Messler

Ellie is a wife, mother, writer, and outdoor enthusiast. After the birth of her first child, she left a career in Human Resources in order to fully immerse herself in motherhood. She loves cycling, spending time outside with her family, walking her dog, and eating her all time favorite food - cold cereal. Throughout her days at home, she finds herself continually recording voice memos about motherhood on her phone. In the evenings after bedtime, she winds down by compiling her memos into inspirational writings about life, parenthood, struggle, and success that she hopes will resonate with you. Her blog, Bright Blue Stone, began shortly after she spent a summer working as a wilderness therapy backpacking guide, and she knew she wanted a place to record all that she had learned out in nature and in life.