So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

After nearly 13 years of marriage, my husband and I continue to marvel at the fact that we have made it this far. Together.

There have been countless disappointments and a variety of detours. There have been forks in the road that, if chosen, would have changed the direction of our lives, and not for the better. Yet, by God’s grace, we have somehow remained on the same path, moving forward, though often at different paces. I’m optimistic that this path we’re on will lead to an older, wiser, version of ourselves. And I’m hopeful we will make it to the end of this path called life together.

But the truth is, we should have never gotten married. We dated, were engaged and then married, all over the course of one short year. I was just 21 and my husband was a recent college graduate. In reality, we barely knew each other. In fact, I think I had experienced longer romances in high school. And while I was his first real girlfriend, I remained in contact with other boyfriends while we dated, and even after we’d been engaged. How foolish I had been! But, I was all about fun and excitement at the time, not thinking too far into the future. Fun and excitement were also the basis for our relationship, more from my end than his, and those two things rarely last a lifetime.

Add all that to my own doubts and it was a marriage destined for failure. I wasn’t sure about getting married at the time. I know for a fact he loved me more than I loved him, at least back then. It hadn’t been a case of love at first sight, and in all honesty, I wasn’t sure that this was the man I was supposed to marry; there were, after all, lots of other cute boys hanging around. I had big dreams, and I wasn’t sure about trading them in for the married life.

But you know what I was sure about? I was sure this man loved me. More than he had ever loved another. I was sure he was a man of integrity, a man who would remain loyal. I was sure I would never find another like him, so despite my doubts, I married him.

And life during those early years of marriage was hard (let’s face it, it still is). I wanted romance and his full attention. He wanted a clean, organized home, and a woman who was “always in the mood.” It turned out I had married, quite possibly, the most unromantic man in existence, while he had married a near hoarder. Our definitions of quality time and connection often differed. While there were probably bigger problems that we faced, these are the ones that to this day, continue to disrupt our relationship, at least from time to time. But each day, we get a little bit closer to fully accepting our differences in behavior and personality.

Just like every other aspect of life, marriage isn’t perfect. It’s hard. It consists of two imperfect and often very different people, trying to live life as one. A nearly impossible feat. But the hardships, disappointments, and imperfections that have added up to 13 years of marriage have taught me that impossible doesn’t exist when two people decide to give their all to each other, and simultaneously allow God to work his magic.

While I was unsure about getting married all those years ago, I know now that God was sure. He had chosen my perfect mate and gifted me the man of my dreams without me even knowing it. This man who always treats me better than I treat him and always puts my needs before his own. This man who has proven worthy of my trust over and over again. This man who has shown me how to love, how to trust, and how to sacrifice, when I want nothing to do with any of those things. It truly was a match made in heaven, even without the whole love at first sight part.

And while we probably shouldn’t have gotten married when we were so immature and naive, I’m glad we did. The joy, growth, and contentment that I’ve experienced in all these years of marriage is far more satisfying than the fun and excitement I once dreamed of.

 

Jenny Albers

Jenny Albers is a wife, mother, and writer.  She is the author of Courageously Expecting, a book that empathizes with and empowers women who are pregnant after loss. You can find Jenny on her blog, where she writes about pregnancy loss, motherhood, and faith. She never pretends to know it all, but rather seeks to encourage others with real (and not always pretty) stories of the hard, heart, and humorous parts of life. She's a work in progress, and while never all-knowing, she's (by the grace of God) always growing. You can follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

I Thought Our Friendship Would Be Unbreakable

In: Friendship, Journal, Relationships
Two friends selfie

The message notification pinged on my phone. A woman, once one of my best friends, was reaching out to me via Facebook. Her message simply read, “Wanted to catch up and see how life was treating you!”  I had very conflicting feelings. It seemed with that one single message, a flood of memories surfaced. Some held some great moments and laughter. Other memories held disappointment and hurt of a friendship that simply had run its course. Out of morbid curiosity, I clicked on her profile page to see how the years had been treating her. She was divorced and still...

Keep Reading

The First 10 Years: How Two Broken People Kept Their Marriage from Breaking

In: Journal, Marriage, Relationships
The First Ten Years: How Two Broken People Kept Their Marriage from Breaking www.herviewfromhome.com

We met online in October of 2005, by way of a spam email ad I was THIS CLOSE to marking as trash. Meet Single Christians! My cheese alert siren sounded loudly, but for some reason, I unchecked the delete box and clicked through to the site. We met face-to-face that Thanksgiving. As I awaited your arrival in my mother’s kitchen, my dad whispered to my little brother, “Hide your valuables. Stacy has some guy she met online coming for Thanksgiving dinner.” We embraced for the first time in my parents’ driveway. I was wearing my black cashmere sweater with the...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Loved You First

In: Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships
Man and woman kissing in love

Dear husband, I loved you first. But often, you get the last of me. I remember you picking me up for our first date. I spent a whole hour getting ready for you. Making sure every hair was in place and my make-up was perfect. When you see me now at the end of the day, the make-up that is left on my face is smeared. My hair is more than likely in a ponytail or some rat’s nest on the top of my head. And my outfit, 100% has someone’s bodily fluids smeared somewhere. But there were days when...

Keep Reading

Stop Being a Butthole Wife

In: Grief, Journal, Marriage, Relationships
Man and woman sit on the end of a dock with arms around each other

Stop being a butthole wife. No, I’m serious. End it.  Let’s start with the laundry angst. I get it, the guy can’t find the hamper. It’s maddening. It’s insanity. Why, why, must he leave piles of clothes scattered, the same way that the toddler does, right? I mean, grow up and help out around here, man. There is no laundry fairy. What if that pile of laundry is a gift in disguise from a God you can’t (yet) see? Don’t roll your eyes, hear me out on this one. I was a butthole wife. Until my husband died. The day...

Keep Reading

I Can’t Be Everyone’s Chick-fil-A Sauce

In: Friendship, Journal, Living, Relationships
woman smiling in the sun

A couple of friends and I went and grabbed lunch at Chick-fil-A a couple of weeks ago. It was delightful. We spent roughly $20 apiece, and our kids ran in and out of the play area barefoot and stinky and begged us for ice cream, to which we responded, “Not until you finish your nuggets,” to which they responded with a whine, and then ran off again like a bolt of crazy energy. One friend had to climb into the play tubes a few times to save her 22-month-old, but it was still worth every penny. Every. Single. One. Even...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Friendships End, No Matter How Hard You Try

In: Friendship, Journal, Relationships
Sad woman alone without a friend

I tried. We say these words for two reasons. One: for our own justification that we made an effort to complete a task; and two: to admit that we fell short of that task. I wrote those words in an e-mail tonight to a friend I had for nearly 25 years after not speaking to her for eight months. It was the third e-mail I’ve sent over the past few weeks to try to reconcile with a woman who was more of a sister to me at some points than my own biological sister was. It’s sad when we drift...

Keep Reading

Goodbye to the House That Built Me

In: Grown Children, Journal, Living, Relationships
Ranch style home as seen from the curb

In the winter of 1985, while I was halfway done growing in my mom’s belly, my parents moved into a little brown 3 bedroom/1.5 bath that was halfway between the school and the prison in which my dad worked as a corrections officer. I would be the first baby they brought home to their new house, joining my older sister. I’d take my first steps across the brown shag carpet that the previous owner had installed. The back bedroom was mine, and mom plastered Smurf-themed wallpaper on the accent wall to try to get me to sleep in there every...

Keep Reading

5 Tips For Dealing With a Toxic Mother-in-Law

In: Grown Children, Journal, Marriage, Relationships
Woman frustrated with her mother in law

Many people admit to having difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships with their in-laws, however having a toxic mother-in-law can be especially tricky when balancing a relationship with your spouse. I have five simple tips that can help put you on a happier and healthier path when dealing with a toxic mother-in-law. 1. You don’t have to like your mother-in-law, or even be friends. Establish clear boundaries with your spouse. Let him know that it is OK for him to maintain a relationship with his mother without involving you. By doing this you can eliminate the pressure to please your mother-in-law;...

Keep Reading

To the Mother of My Son’s Future Wife

In: Grown Children, Inspiration, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships
marriage, wife, husband, grown children, www.herviewfromhome.com

To the mother of my son’s future wife, I’m in the midst of dirty diapers and temper tantrums, but I do have days where I think about the future and what it will look like for my son. I wonder who he will be, what he will do and probably most of all, who he will love. I wonder about the type of woman he will bring home to meet us one day. I have my own thoughts on the type of person I wish my son would fall in love with, but we all know that the heart wants...

Keep Reading

Sometimes the Middle Child Needs a Little Extra Love

In: Kids, Motherhood, Relationships
middle child mother www.herviewfromhome.com

Mamas, look after your middles. Those babies who are born second, third, fourth or so in the birth order. The ones who are sandwiched between the idolized older sibling and the teeny tiny baby who stole everyone’s hearts. They need you more than you know. They need a little extra love from time to time. A hug and a “good job” here and there just to remind them that nobody has taken their spot in your heart since you added to your family. Try to remember they weren’t given a choice of their place in the lineup. If given the...

Keep Reading