So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

How do you know what to do when you come to a crossroads in your life? How do you know if you should hold on or let go?

I think only you will know when you should hold on or let go. I am reminded of this verse. “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'” (Isaiah 30:21) I listen to the little voice inside me all the time. It is that voice which is so quiet you have to be still to hear it. However, once you hear it, that voice will give you clarity and direction. Unfortunately, only you can hear it and then you have a choice. You can follow it or turn and go down a different road.

I have never really felt like I have been at a crossroads in my life. But four-and-a-half years ago my life was turned upside down. My son Tyler was headed out with friends for about 30 minutes to drop some buddies off at their car and come back home. No big deal . . . just 30 minutes. Well, that, 30 minutes ended up being the longest minutes of my life. The driver lost control of his car on our country road while bringing Tyler home. He was just a little over a mile away from our house when it happened. So many emotions, questions, and so many things we don’t know. I have not been the same since I lost Tyler in that car accident. I have lost my inner joy and some days it’s hard to keep moving forward, but I know I have to. Those are the days I feel like I have come to a crossroads in my life that I have to choose to let go and spiral out of control—or hold on.

The days I feel like I have been stretched too thin and I want to just give up, I hold on.

There are days my life feels like it is crumbling apart all around me. I hold on.

I have days I miss my precious blue-eyed boy so much my heart aches. I hold on.

I am reminded of his handsome smile that brings joy to my heart. I hold on.

I still wake up in the middle of the night sweating from anxiety, but I know I just need to breathe and find a cold place. I hold on.

I get tired of fighting to figure out why life happens the way it does. I hold on.

I hold on to the precious memories of Tyler and the 15 years we had with him.

I hold on to his contagious laugh that helps on the days that are hard.

On the days the tears flood my eyes, I hold on.

I hold on to the hope that I will get through this devastating time of my life.

I hold on to my gut feeling that I am brave, strong and a fighter.

Whatever you do, don’t give up even when you feel like there is no way out, around, over or through. Because there is! There is always someone there to listen, cry with, laugh with or give you hope.

I hold on to the past, but I also hold on to the future. Knowing how precious life is and that we are only given one, I value each day as if it’s my last.

I choose to hold on.

Missy Hillmer

Missy Hillmer is a writer, photographer, wife, mother, creative lady whose mind is constantly on the go. She loves coffee, dark chocolate especially with nuts, music soothes her soul and being outside in the sun recharges her body. She has an angel in Heaven. Her faith is what gets her through each day. Since her son Tyler’s accident she is passionate about telling her story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person who has lost a child.

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