How do you know what to do when you come to a crossroads in your life? How do you know if you should hold on or let go?

I think only you will know when you should hold on or let go. I am reminded of this verse. “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'” (Isaiah 30:21) I listen to the little voice inside me all the time. It is that voice which is so quiet you have to be still to hear it. However, once you hear it, that voice will give you clarity and direction. Unfortunately, only you can hear it and then you have a choice. You can follow it or turn and go down a different road.

I have never really felt like I have been at a crossroads in my life. But four-and-a-half years ago my life was turned upside down. My son Tyler was headed out with friends for about 30 minutes to drop some buddies off at their car and come back home. No big deal . . . just 30 minutes. Well, that, 30 minutes ended up being the longest minutes of my life. The driver lost control of his car on our country road while bringing Tyler home. He was just a little over a mile away from our house when it happened. So many emotions, questions, and so many things we don’t know. I have not been the same since I lost Tyler in that car accident. I have lost my inner joy and some days it’s hard to keep moving forward, but I know I have to. Those are the days I feel like I have come to a crossroads in my life that I have to choose to let go and spiral out of control—or hold on.

The days I feel like I have been stretched too thin and I want to just give up, I hold on.

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There are days my life feels like it is crumbling apart all around me. I hold on.

I have days I miss my precious blue-eyed boy so much my heart aches. I hold on.

I am reminded of his handsome smile that brings joy to my heart. I hold on.

I still wake up in the middle of the night sweating from anxiety, but I know I just need to breathe and find a cold place. I hold on.

I get tired of fighting to figure out why life happens the way it does. I hold on.

I hold on to the precious memories of Tyler and the 15 years we had with him.

I hold on to his contagious laugh that helps on the days that are hard.

On the days the tears flood my eyes, I hold on.

I hold on to the hope that I will get through this devastating time of my life.

I hold on to my gut feeling that I am brave, strong and a fighter.

Whatever you do, don’t give up even when you feel like there is no way out, around, over or through. Because there is! There is always someone there to listen, cry with, laugh with or give you hope.

I hold on to the past, but I also hold on to the future. Knowing how precious life is and that we are only given one, I value each day as if it’s my last.

I choose to hold on.

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday. I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything. I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy! I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget! Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.