When Life Requires a Trigger Warning

A Gift for Mom! 🤍

If you have experienced trauma in your life, you may be familiar with the concept of triggers. They are words, images, etc. that bring back to mind your own hurt or pain, and can sometimes really set a person back in terms of processing/accepting/healing. Seeing as April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, this feels like an appropriate time to talk about triggers. And lately, for me, it feels like triggers are everywhere.

Perhaps it is because my own sexual assault, which occurred ten+ years ago but was really only seen/accepted for what it was two years ago in a therapy session, still seems new.

Perhaps it is because more people in society as a whole agree with my friend who made the point at book club the other night that we need to keep giving voice to these issues – women’s rights, sexual assault, abuse – and are therefore talking about it.

Perhaps it is as simple as my heightened sensitivity level.

Whatever the reason, I feel like rape specifically – as a story-line – is impossible to escape these days. It is portrayed in film and on television shows (even on PBS). It pops up in small anecdotes as well as major plot lines in books (so, so many of the books I have read in the last year, even though I am definitely not seeking it out). And then there is the Internet. Oh, my, the Internet. Posts, info graphics, music videos – so many manifestations. But of course, here I am, adding my own voice to the online conversation about sexual assault and yes, I am hoping people see it and take away something from it.

What is there to take away, exactly? Well, as a survivor, I can tell you all of this is hard, and by this, I mean every single time I stumble upon one of these references, scenes, or articles, my heart hurts a bit. Sometimes my heart hurts a lot. And each time I find myself wondering, could/should someone have warned me about this?

After all, that is what the phrase “trigger warning” is for — to alert people that something within is potentially disturbing and may be difficult for someone who has experienced something similar. However, I see the flip side of this, realizing that there are sadly so many nuances of abuse, assault, and violence in the world, how could we ever fully warn people without eventually becoming numb to it all because so many references would require the warning? And it is not until we learn to move beyond the numbness that true healing begins.

Since there is no way to ever know all the triggers for all the people you encounter in your daily or online life, my most honest suggestion for how to go about sharing or discussing potential trigger topics is this: be mindful.

Yes, we need to keep talking about sexual assault. Openness and education are our best practices for preventing and hopefully eliminating this awfulness, so silence is not the answer. However, if you know you are talking (or typing) with a survivor, be aware that triggers may certainly lead to some quietness, some drawing inward. Give these people time. Give them space. And of course respect them if they do not wish to discuss it, but also, do not hesitate to ask them if they are “OK” because maybe they have something they are scared but still wish to voice. Please never use the word “rape” in a flip or joking manner; hearing others discuss what is to us, heavy, in a light-hearted manner is never amusing. Strive to recognize that for many of us, the lack of control is one of the longest and hardest realities to overcome and triggers are what remind us of that.

Will these triggering encounters get better and/or easier to digest with passing time? With proper support – both professional and personal – I believe that yes, eventually they will have less and less impact. And I will not give up hope that some day sexual assault will be a lesson from history and not a reality of the present.

********

For more information about SAAM, please see the following links:

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

Five Ways Everyone Can Participate in Sexual Assault Awareness Month

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Jenni Welsch

A South Dakota girl at heart, Jenni has made a home in Hastings with her cool Nebraska guy and their four sweet babes. On top of being a stay at home mama, she is also a certified yoga teacher and part-time college writing instructor; writing on her blog keeps all of her roles and loves in life together. Before Jenni's oldest fell head over heels for Angry Birds, he once had a thing for dinosaurs. The Maiasaura is a dinosaur named for being a "good mother lizard" which is where she draws inspiration for her blog about mamahood, The Modern Maiasaura, in which some days are more good and others more lizard. You can read more and follow along with all of Jenni's latest kid antics, yoga adventures, and mama-isms at http://http://themodernmaiasaura.com/

Farewell My Father: Walking the Trail of Beauty in Old Age

In: Grief

In his last years, Dad spent his days in a chair by the big picture window. From there, he could survey all the comings and goings of the ranch. He watched the weather, the dogs, and our Arabian stallion, Axum, galloping through the pines and calling to the mares across the hill. Occasionally, Dad would alert us that a certain dog had escaped or that a storm was coming in. He was looking out. He was keeping track. He needed help to move even a few steps. At night, my husband or I cleaned him, dressed him, and tucked him into...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Healing Doesn’t Look Like Moving On

In: Grief

Young woman holding red umbrella walking next to canola field

Outside, the sky hung in a thick, dim slab, like a ceiling over the trees that stood crooked in the wind. Not the fresh spring breeze we’re used to in Florida, but the damp, cold kind that makes you pull your coat together with tight fists. I got there right on time, parked in a front spot in the almost-bare lot, and slid my violet boots with fluffy pom-poms onto the asphalt. I braced for the impact of the frigid air and tucked my body inward as I did a little hop-jog into the pub. Once inside, I let out...

Keep Reading

Now that You’re Gone, I Sit In This Waiting Room Alone

In: Grief, Loss

I lay in bed this morning, sweet boy. It is Saturday. Seven of them since you left. Half awake, I turned over and saw Grief staring right at me. She pounced then stood, haughty, on my chest. I couldn’t breathe. She yelled that she would be close today. If she feels like it, she might even be relentless. She is cruel. You were the reason, sweet boy, for me to get out of bed on a Saturday morning. Actually, every morning you were my purpose from the moment I opened my eyes until the moment they shut. I knew on...

Keep Reading

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

In: Grief

They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I found that to be most true when my grandma passed. Like many grandmas, she was the best. She was kind and tender, but firm when she needed to be. She gave her time freely and used her baking talent to bless others. She had little and needed little, yet she had a way of drawing people together. There wasn’t a day I can remember when someone didn’t call her or stop by. She seemed to have all the answers and somehow knew how to fix almost any problem....

Keep Reading

My Parents Will Never See This Face

In: Grief

Woman with sunglasses shown in rear view mirror

You’ve had that moment, right? That moment when you don’t recognize the woman standing in front of you. Her hair is grayer. The skin around her eyes is a bit darker. Even without noticing the small details, that face is different. It’s aged. And as I stared at her yesterday afternoon, all dolled up and nowhere to go, it dawned on me: My parents will never see this version of me. My mom will never get to see hands that look like hers. She’ll never recognize the wrinkles or the sun spots. My father-in-law joked about gray hair with my...

Keep Reading

The Due Date that Never Comes

In: Grief, Loss, Miscarriage

It is not often talked about. I completely understand why, but when going through something so heartbreaking and devastating, women shouldn’t have to suffer alone or in silence. If you’ve gone through it, you probably already know what I’m referring to – miscarriage. It is the reason many couples don’t tell people they are expecting until after the first trimester. It is so unfortunately common that one in four women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. According to the National Institutes of Health, 15-20 percent of pregnancies will end in miscarriage, and it is the most common pregnancy complication...

Keep Reading

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

In: Grief, Living

Black and white photo of older man in garden

I was never meant to be a plant person. I’m the woman who can kill a succulent on the way home from the store. Once, a fern sighed in my direction and gave up. That is my spiritual gift. My grandpa Dominic would have laughed—hard. He loved to laugh. And sing hymns passionately in Italian. He was an Italian immigrant who lost his arm working in a mill, and still, he woke up every morning and dressed like dignity itself. He shopped for my grandma. He fixed what was broken. And he tended the biggest, happiest garden you’ve ever seen....

Keep Reading

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

In: Grief

Woman with mother smiling in older photo

Recently, whenever I look in the mirror, I see a strong resemblance to my mother. People always said I looked like her, but I never really saw it until now. I think it may be because you always think of your parents as being older than you are. At the age of 61, I am now only two years away from the age my mother was when she died. The only good thing about dying young is that everyone will remember you that way. I have only known my mom as the vibrant, personable, and active woman she was. Well,...

Keep Reading

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood

Editor’s note: This post discusses child loss Child loss changes Mother’s Day. My 19-month-old, Julia, died suddenly on Mother’s Day in 2024. Three months later, her autopsy revealed she had B-cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (B-ALL, also known as SUDNIC). Julia died a week after we did an embryo transfer at an IVF clinic in an attempt to have a second child. We found out three days after Julia’s death that the embryo did not make it either. Six months later, we did another embryo transfer that succeeded, and I now have an 8-month-old daughter, Lucy Mei (“Mei Mei” means “little...

Keep Reading

I Miss Having Parents

In: Grief

Grown daughter posing between smiling parents

I have been living with the ache of loss for so long that I truly don’t remember what it feels like not to carry it. Sometimes it rests quietly beneath my ribs, dormant and almost polite. Other times it rises without warning—on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of a coffee line—and cuts straight through me. Today, it was a song. I was waiting for my coffee when “Pictures of You” by The Cure drifted through the café speakers. I hadn’t heard it in 20 years. In my twenties, it meant heartbreak—young love unraveling, relationships ending before they were...

Keep Reading

His Truth

Faith

His Truth

The Art of Being Grateful

Inspiration

When Life Requires a Trigger Warning

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Jenni Welsch

Farewell My Father: Walking the Trail of Beauty in Old Age

Sometimes Healing Doesn’t Look Like Moving On

Now that You’re Gone, I Sit In This Waiting Room Alone

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

My Parents Will Never See This Face

The Due Date that Never Comes

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

I Miss Having Parents

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

When Life Requires a Trigger Warning

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Farewell My Father: Walking the Trail of Beauty in Old Age

Sometimes Healing Doesn’t Look Like Moving On

Now that You’re Gone, I Sit In This Waiting Room Alone

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

My Parents Will Never See This Face

The Due Date that Never Comes

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

I Miss Having Parents

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like