Yeah, you. The one who just got what feels like the most devastating news possible about that little baby in your belly. The room might feel like it’s closing in on you, you might be speechless, your chest tight. It probably feels like the dream you had in your head about this baby just came crashing down—like a snow globe thrown from the roof, shattering to pieces on the floor of that ultrasound room. You’ll desperately want to sweep up those shards and glue them back together or even just rewind time and try to prepare yourself in some way.
You’ll wish you didn’t walk into that ultrasound room with high hopes of finding out boy or girl, which seems so irrelevant now. You’ll wish you were prepared for something you never could’ve been prepared for. You’ll wish you didn’t miss that prenatal vitamin that random Sunday or wonder what else you could’ve done wrong. But I’m here to tell you that it wasn’t you, or anything you did. And as much and as often as you’ll wish you could go back and fix it, you can’t.
It’s too late.
Maybe it’s your first baby and this news has you reeling from the added stress. I mean, you had no idea what you’re doing to do begin with . . . how are you supposed to navigate being a new mom to a baby with “extra” needs? Or maybe it’s your second, or third, or fourth, and you have no idea how you’ll ever be able to handle everything that’s on your plate as it is . . . and now you’re being handed an extra plate, with a full bowl balancing on top.
You’ll probably cry—a lot. Some days you may want to curl into a ball. You’ll most likely want to blame yourself because . . . you just will. I’m guessing you’ll do lots of searching online, but if you have the self-control, I would try not to. You’ll stress and you’ll worry and you’ll wonder how you’ll do it or if you even can. But the hourglass always runs out of sand and that baby will come, ready or not.
And you know what? Once you see that beautiful face, you’ll be thankful for unanswered prayers.
Thankful for the inability to turn back time as you’d once wished.
Because that snow globe that came crashing down in the ultrasound room? I’m here to tell you those pieces weren’t shattered. There was just a small crack. The shards of glass were only in your imagination because as you saw that snow globe falling through the air you imagined the worst, but what you ended up with was the most beautiful gift you’ll ever see, imperfections and all.
“I saw that you were perfect and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.”-Angelita Lim
You can do this.
A mama who’s been there
Originally published on the author’s Facebook page