Child Loss Grief

A Car Accident Took You Too Soon: Oh, How I Miss You!

Written by Missy Hillmer

Oh, my sweet curly haired, blue eyed boy. If you ever wonder if I miss you, the answer is yes I do. I miss you every minute of every day until we meet again. I miss you! I remember that little boy who wore the wrinkled cowboy hat with the smile that melted my heart. Oh, yes I miss you!

I miss how you have changed and grown into a kind, handsome young man in just fifteen short years. Oh, how the time has flown. If only I knew I needed to watch you more, listen to you more and asked you more questions so that I would know your inner most dreams. But little did I know. I hold close the many things I remember, but oh how I wish I knew more.

I miss your voice, your laugh, and your smile and oh how I miss you!

I miss the silly things like your smelly football stuff airing out in the laundry room, your basketball always being where I was going to sit and the single pair of track shoes that sit in your room. I would give anything to see you play your first high school football game, shoot another basket or run one more race and cross the finish line for a win. Oh, how I miss you!

I want you know there are times the tears run down my face because I miss you so much. But then there are other times my stomach hurts from laughing as we talk and remember the special moments we had with you. No matter how much pain and hurt, I feel it was all worth having you in my life just fifteen short years. I hope you know I would give everything up just to see you one more time, hear your voice again and have you here by my side telling me everything is going to be alright. Oh, how I miss you!

I want you to know I’m doing OK. I’m strong and I refuse to let this take me down. Death will not win! I will continue to make this horrible, sad, time into a positive situation. I will pick up the pieces and put our family back together. Even though it seems our life is so different without you. I know this is God’s plan, I just don’t understand.

I miss not knowing your future. Would you have had a great senior football year? Would you of been a homecoming candidate? Who would you of taken to prom? Would there have been late nights waiting for you to come home from a date? Would basketball had been your love? Would you have qualified for state track? Oh how I wish I could of saw you graduate. The questions I have – the things you missed. Oh, how I hate this!

So if you ever wonder if I miss you, the answer is yes I do! Oh, how I miss you! I miss you to the moon and back and forever and ever more. I miss your smile, your smell, your voice, your laugh, your hugs and happiness. I miss your blue eyes, your curly hair, but most of all I MISS YOU. So for now I will say good bye to my blue eyed little boy. Just know I will hold you close in my heart until the day we meet again. I love you and that will never end.

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In Memory of my son Tyler Hook Hillmer Aug. 20,1998-Aug. 23, 2012

About the author

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday.

I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything.

I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy!

I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget!

Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.