Kids Motherhood

What NOT to Say to a Boy Mom

What NOT to Say to a Boy Mom www.herviewfromhome.com

Almost one year ago, a 20-week ultrasound revealed to me that I was in for the ride of my life. Baby number three – the last one – was a boy, meaning I was officially staying in the boy mom tribe. I’ll be honest, I struggled with the news at first, as I was so certain I was having a girl. Don’t get me wrong – I was thrilled to be having another healthy baby, but part of me had to mourn the daughter I’ll never have.

Am I over it now? I can truthfully answer yes. Long before our last baby boy was born, I made peace with the fact that I’d never be the mother-of-the-bride or experience that special mother-daughter bond. Instead of focusing on what I’d be missing, I changed my focus that what I already have – three incredible boys, who I am so, so lucky to call mine. There are so many amazing aspects of being a boy mom, and I’ve grown to absolutely love it. I even have a #boymom shirt.

There is one gripe I have about being a mom to just boys though. It’s the things people just can’t stop themselves from saying.

Things NOT to say to a boy mom. Here we go:  

“So when are you going to try for that girl?”

I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard this. Really, I can’t anymore. I usually just laugh it off and say I’m more than happy with my three boys. What I really want to ask those people is how they just know I’ll have a girl if we try one more time. Because I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t. Obviously, it’s not really up to me, but way back when our firstborn was cooking away, my husband informed me he only made boys. Of course, it was a joke, but somehow that joke was prophetic. And guess what? I’m not tempting fate here, people. I can handle my three boys. But four? That might be pushing it.

“You need some more estrogen in that house!”

Excuse me? I am woman enough for this house, thank you very much. Also, the dog is a girl, so there’s that. But seriously, we are not missing anything. If you think little boys can’t be dramatic, you’re dead wrong. Also, they don’t only like the stereotypical boy things. They watch Disney princess movies with me just as often as they watch Cars or Planes. They like My Little Pony, and they kiss their baby brother in the sweetest, gentlest way.

“You can always borrow my girls for a while.”

While I guess I appreciate the offer, it’s unnecessary. And it kind of just comes off as a veiled attempt to get me to babysit. Borrowing your daughter for a while might be fun, but it will never be the same as having my own. Plus, like I already said, boys can enjoy a lot of the same things girls do, so I’m not really missing anything right now. Of course, that will likely change as they get older, but I’m pretty sure they’ll keep me too busy to even think about it.

“Aren’t you sad you’ll never get to know what it’s like to have a daughter?”

Well, I wasn’t, but thank you for reminding me of the things I definitely will never experience. You know what, though? I might not have my own girls, but someday I’ll have daughters-in-law, and I will love these women for loving my sons. I might even have granddaughters, and while I’m not in any hurry at all for my babies to have babies, the thought of that is exciting and enough for me to be perfectly content.

So, there you have it – just a few examples of what you shouldn’t say to a boy mom. I know I’ll hear it all over and over as the years go by, and I’m sure the questions will change as my kids get older. I’ll probably get asked how I handle pee on the toilet seat and stinky gym bags and how much food three teenage boys can actually consume in one sitting.

I’m proud to be a boy mom. I feel like I’m part of some exclusive club, and that’s actually kind of cool. My heart is full and whole, no matter how many times I hear these questions.

But seriously, you can stop asking.

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About the author

Heather Shotkoski

http://www.andwhatalovelymessitis.wordpress.com/

My name is Heather, and I am lucky to be surrounded by handsome men! I have been married to my high school sweetheart for over ten years, and together we have three lovably wild little boys. I grew up in a tiny town near the middle of Nebraska, and after living in the “big city” of Kearney for six years, my husband and I found our way back to the small town life. I am a stay-at-home mom, and each day is definitely a new adventure with three rapidly growing boys. I absolutely love it!

  • Oh, how I can relate to this piece on so many levels, Heather!

    Our first two daughters came to us via adoption. When we got pregnant everyone said, “I hope it’s a boy for your husband’s sake.” She was a girl. Now we are pregnant with our fourth, and I’ve heard ALL THE COMMENTS. And the truth is, we will be truly happy with either. Like you, our hearts are full; I’m proud to be the mom of my children, regardless of their gender.

    • Thank you, Shelley, and congrats on the soon-to-be arrival…girl or boy! 😉

  • Nancy Payne

    My beautiful daughter-in-law just sent your article to me. I am the mother of five boys and no, I wasn’t “trying” for a girl! I came from a family of 7 children and so did my husband and we both desired to have a large family. I love being the mother of boys and it’s true, you do feel like you belong to an exclusive club. But I did get all the questions and comments. I wanted to have a t-shirt made that said, “Yes, they’re all boys…Yes, they’re all mine…Yes, I have my hands full…No, I wasn’t trying for a girl.
    I never did. I just want to tell you that I have, so far, two beautiful daughters-in-law both inside and out and we are now the grandparents of a delightful little girl! We couldn’t be happier with how our family has turned out. : )