Grief

Why One Child May Be Enough For Me

Why One Child May Be Enough For Me www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Stacey Skrysak

Why One Child May Be Enough For Me   www.herviewfromhome.comIt’s a question that has been looming for a while; a common inquiry as you see my 2 1/2 year old daughter in tow. “Are you going to have more children?” While it may seem like an innocent question, it’s a loaded one for so many people. And for me, it’s a question that brings sadness, stress and uncertainty. 

I think our culture drilled it in me: I should be married with two children, a house and a white picket fence. But I’m not complaining. I had a sheltered, picture perfect childhood and I wanted that same experience for my family. Unfortunately, life threw us a curveball and that altered my view forever.

Why One Child May Be Enough For Me   www.herviewfromhome.comAfter years of infertility, my husband and I went the IVF route in hopes of having children of our own. We became pregnant with triplets, two identical girls and a boy. Suddenly, our life was complete! I longed to be a mother and feeling the roller-coaster kicks of our three children was more than I could ever have hoped for. But less than 6 months later, we hit rock bottom. I went into labor and delivered our triplets more than 17 weeks premature. Two of our children eventually passed away, my daughter shortly after birth and my son two months later. Our picture perfect life was suddenly shattered, as we balanced the grief of losing two children with staying strong for our surviving 22 weeker.

As the months passed by and our daughter became stronger, we settled into our new normal.  The medical challenges our child faced slowly became a distant memory and today we are overjoyed with a beautiful, healthy toddler. So, it’s only natural for people to ask me if I am going to have more children; especially for strangers who don’t know my story. But, for so many people like me, it’s a heavy question that cannot be answered in a simple way. For those who have experienced a miscarriage, still birth or child loss, fear could be too big to ever try again. And for those who have dealt with the heartache of infertility, the dream of their own child may never be a possibility. Not to mention, the expenses that go along with fertility treatment or the adoption route. For my family, the mounting medical bills have caused many sleepless nights over the years. Our initial fertility costs, that were not covered by insurance, have now given way to years of hospital/Nicu bills, and costs associated with a micro-preemie who has a team of specialists and therapists on our weekly schedule.

For me, it’s a combination of events. Infertility, child loss and fear have created a perfect storm. Two of my children are no longer here and I almost died delivering them. It was a tragic and scary day that my husband and I will never forget. When people ask me if we plan to have more children, it brings back a flood of memories, filled with so much hope, followed by sadness. It’s a question I sometimes dread being asked.

My husband I were recently were talking about whether we would try for more children and the tears quickly streamed down my face. It’s a simple sign that I’m not ready, and to be honest, I don’t know if I ever will be. I’m lucky to have a loving husband who is on-board with whatever we eventually decide. We have three beautiful children: Peyton, Parker and Abby. And if Peyton is our only child here on earth, we are absolutely OK with that.

It may not be exactly how we pictured it, but our precious triplets have made our family complete. 

About the author

Stacey Skrysak

Stacey Skrysak may not be a native of Nebraska, but she called it home for many years. You may recognize her from her days as a morning and noon anchor on NTV in Kearney. She liked Nebraska so much, she even married into a Cornhusker family! These days, Stacey lives in Springfield, Illinois where she is a news anchor for WICS-TV. Stacey and her husband are parents to Peyton, their surviving triplet, who was born more than 17 weeks premature. Abigail and Parker are their triplet angels watching from above. Through her heartbreaking experience, Stacey has become a voice for dealing with grief, infertility and life with a micro-premie. Her triplets have touched thousands of lives around the world, thanks to Stacey’s blog “Perfectly Peyton”. Stacey looks forward to sharing the trials and tribulations of balancing work and home life, all with a little humor thrown in.

2 Comments

  • I have many thoughts on this. One, I don’t know why it’s anyone’s business but yours and your husband’s if you have more children. I don’t know when it became everyone’s duty to know if you want kids, how many you want, why you haven’t yet or why you don’t want any at all. I would never ask someone when they’re having more kids because you don’t know why they only have one (or none). Maybe they’ve always wanted just one, or maybe they can’t have any more. For you, and for a couple of my friends you have heart babies. You (and one of my friends) will always have 3 no matter how many everyone else can see. And that should be enough. <3