The Sweetest Mother's Day Gift!

I’m Surrounded by a Sea of Believers, But I Feel so Alone

4 Minute Read

By Her View From Home

woman pray www.herviewfromhome.com — Nong Mars/Shutterstock.com

I look around the church and see the many familiar faces who make up the congregation. I see the grandpas whose wisdom and gentle smiles remind me of my own grandfather. I see the grandmas—the kind older ladies who pass out donuts and juice to my kids after church and give me an understanding nod as I ask for an extra napkin.

I see the seasoned moms and dads gathered with their teenagers and the younger couples taking turns keeping their toddlers entertained and passing the babies back and forth.

I look to my left and right, and take in the sight of my own precious boys. I see my oldest, swinging his legs and thumbing through the hymnal. I see my youngest, his head resting against my shoulder as the music from the choir fills our ears.

I am surrounded by a sea of believers, and yet, I still feel very much alone. Because there is one person I don’t see. Someone who is greatly missed each week. And that person is my husband.

When it comes to taking my kids to church, I’m on my own.

This certainly wasn’t what I imagined for our future family when we got married. I knew I would probably have to take a stronger leadership role when it came to the spiritual growth of our kids, but I was OK with that. I thought as long as he was a believer, and supported me raising our children to be believers, that would be enough.

But I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

I didn’t know while my own faith would remain strong, his would slowly fade away.

I didn’t know how lonely it would feel to walk into church each week without him by my side.

I didn’t know how much it would hurt every time my kids would ask why Daddy wasn’t coming to church with us.

I didn’t know how heavy it would feel to be the only one carrying the weight of our children’s spiritual development.

I didn’t know how challenging marriage would feel without God at the center of it, pulling my husband and I together.

I didn’t know how much it would hurt to realize he wasn’t praying for me or our kids.

I didn’t know any of these things.

I often wonder what it would be like to be married to a man with a strong faith. I can only imagine how meaningful it would be to go to church as a family and what a blessing it would be for our children to see their parents united in this special way.

To be perfectly honest, sometimes when I see couples in church, jealousy rears its ugly head.

But I cling to hope.

Because I believe God sees how hard I am trying. I believe he understands the pain in my heart and knows how difficult it is for me to show up week after week on my own.

I believe God is chasing after my husband, and he will never ever stop.

I believe he will give me the strength and the words I need to guide my children’s hearts and souls toward Christ, and that he will send other people into their lives to do the same.

And I believe when I’m feeling lonely in that pew and my heart is aching, he joins me there, and wraps his loving arms around my family.

You may also like:

To the Married Mom Who Sits Alone In the Pew

Sometimes Church is Hard

Dig Yourself Out of the Trenches and Go to Church—Even When It’s Hard

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too! Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

In: Faith, Living

Insecurity is something we all carry in one form or another. For me, it has probably always looked confident and outgoing from the outside. But internally, it can feel heavy, complicated, and exhausting at times. And when someone comes along whose behavior reinforces those insecurities, it amplifies what was already there. There was someone I had hoped to genuinely connect with, but it was clear from the start that the feeling wasn’t mutual. From the beginning, their wall was up. No matter how kind I tried to be or how carefully I showed up, it never came down. Their distance...

Keep Reading

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

In: Faith

Woman walking in field with hand in wheat

Hannah knew what it was like to feel forgotten. She often clutched her empty womb and thought Surely the Lord has forgotten me. She knew the bitter sting of feeling isolated and alone. She knew the anguish of praying day after day after day and seeing no fruit, not even a bud, from her faithfulness. Hannah knew what it was like to feel like the weight of the world was on her, and her hope may have dwindled. Even those around her did not offer encouragement. Quite the opposite—they did their best to sow seeds of discouragement. Yet Hannah pressed...

Keep Reading

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood

“Ahhh!” My underwater scream garbled in my snorkel tube as the manta ray’s cavernous mouth swept a hand’s distance from my face. My fingers tightened around the surfboard until my knuckles ached. My arms trembled. I jerked my head side to side, searching for my daughters, Mia and Megan. Recent college graduates, they had joined me on one last mother-daughter vacation before launching their adult lives. They floated easily on the vibrant Hawaiian water, relaxed, trusting. I wanted to borrow their calm. Earlier, our guide had explained that the LED lights built into the surfboard attracted plankton the way college...

Keep Reading

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

In: Faith, Motherhood

My pastor frequently speaks of “kid pain” and acknowledges there’s nothing like it. I can testify to that. After nine months of uncertainty and unexplained issues following the birth of our now 4-year-old daughter, Harlow, we finally received her diagnosis of Pyruvate Dehydrogenase Complex Deficiency (PDCD), a life-limiting mitochondrial disease with no cure and no FDA-approved treatments. It was heartbreaking. In moments like these, a parent can fall into complete desperation. You go through a range of emotions almost too fast to name: fear for your child’s life; anxiousness about how much time you’ll get with them; overwhelming grief. And...

Keep Reading

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

In: Faith

There have been many times over the years when I’ve heard others share stories of how the Lord spoke to them or gave them a sign. Seashells scattered along a sandy beach, numbered to represent how many children they would have. A quiet walk in the park, followed by a clear sense that another little one was coming. What a blessing, I think, when I hear and read their stories. I often wonder how much more faith they must have than I do—to know with such certainty that what they heard was truly God speaking. I listen, I smile, and...

Keep Reading

God Holds You As You Hold Everyone Else

In: Faith, Motherhood

Mother holding toddler daughter on her hip, standing outside

She stands in the kitchen, hands trembling over the sink, tears she cannot let fall pressing behind her eyes. The world outside her window is quiet, but inside her heart there is a storm she cannot name. She is hurting, not because she does not love her life, but because somewhere along the way she forgot how to breathe inside it. Yet even in her pain, little voices call her name. Tiny hands tug at her shirt. Lunchboxes need packing, homework needs checking, hearts need holding. And so she wipes her face, forces a smile, and whispers a quiet prayer:...

Keep Reading

Yes, I Know Fear—but I Also Know Faith

In: Faith, Motherhood

Mother holding child's hands in hospital bed

The night my daughter woke up screaming at 3 a.m., I knew something was wrong. Her cry wasn’t the half-asleep whimper of a bad dream. Instead, it was pain—raw and sharp. Within an hour, we were rushing to the emergency room, the world outside our headlights still wrapped in darkness. Tests, scans, questions, and then the words no parent ever wants to hear: “We’re transferring her to another hospital by ambulance. She needs surgery right away.” They said “torsion.” They said “tumor.” They said “appendix.” I nodded, because that’s what mothers do. We stay steady, even when our hearts are...

Keep Reading

10 Years after My Mother’s Death, Her Faith Still Guides Me

In: Faith, Grief

Growing up, I was a reluctant Catholic. My mother would drag us to church, and I’d go through the motions—fingers moving across rosary beads without really feeling the prayers. But she never stopped. Sunday Mass, daily prayers, devotions to the Blessed Mother. She was relentless in her faith, not because she was trying to force it on us, but because she genuinely believed we would need it someday. She was right. My mother died of stage 4 colon cancer in 2012. My brother and I watched her suffer, saw how her body betrayed her, watched as treatments failed. And here’s...

Keep Reading

Finding God in the Middle of Disbelief: A Mom’s Journey through Faith and Fear

In: Faith

Mother holding hand of young child, silhouette

“But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior; so my persecutors will stumble and not triumph over me.” – Jeremiah 20:11 God, thank You for making sure my son is okay. Thank You for this just being paranoia. I believe in You. I believe in Your control. I believe. I believe. I believe. These words streamed through my head as my husband drove us downtown to visit our first specialist with our 4-month-old son, Maximus. Our pediatrician had written me off, but I could not ignore the feeling in my bones that something was wrong. Tiny, hard bumps...

Keep Reading

In Praise of Indebtedness: How Threads of Reciprocity Weave Us Together

In: Faith, Living

It all started with tomatoes. After we moved, a neighbor invited us to pick from the abundance in her and her husband’s gardens. In return for a pile of tomatoes gathered from their raised beds, I left a plastic bag of homegrown pumpkins on their porch. Later that summer, our neighbor stopped by with a recycled container full of still more fruits. By the fall, we were sharing chili and cookies over dinner at our place. Threads of indebtedness were weaving us together. For most of my life, the idea of indebtedness has tasted rather repulsive on my tongue. The...

Keep Reading

The Cross Still Stands

Faith

The Cross Still Stands

The Hardest Part of Motherhood is the Anxiety

Motherhood

I’m Surrounded by a Sea of Believers, But I Feel so Alone

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Her View From Home

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

God Holds You As You Hold Everyone Else

Yes, I Know Fear—but I Also Know Faith

10 Years after My Mother’s Death, Her Faith Still Guides Me

Finding God in the Middle of Disbelief: A Mom’s Journey through Faith and Fear

In Praise of Indebtedness: How Threads of Reciprocity Weave Us Together

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

I’m Surrounded by a Sea of Believers, But I Feel so Alone

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

God Holds You As You Hold Everyone Else

Yes, I Know Fear—but I Also Know Faith

10 Years after My Mother’s Death, Her Faith Still Guides Me

Finding God in the Middle of Disbelief: A Mom’s Journey through Faith and Fear

In Praise of Indebtedness: How Threads of Reciprocity Weave Us Together

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like