When I Feel Like I Can’t Make Another Decision, I Need To Remember Who’s Holding Me

Hi, mama. It’s me again. I’ve been struggling a little lately and wanted to talk to you about it. Maybe you feel the same? 

For the past few months, we’ve all been making the decisions we feel are best for our families, haven’t we? 

A lot goes into those decisions. We think about our physical health and our emotional health. We think about whether or not we have high risk people living under our roof, or if we’re in regular contact with loved ones who fall into that high risk category. We think about our personal circumstances. Do we work outside of the home? Do we need to have others watch our children during the day? What is best for our family? What can we handle? What can’t we handle? We think about all of this. 

Some of us are thinking about this all of the time. Or at least it feels that way. 

Because the minute we finish making a decision and we have a moment of peace, we take a deep breath and we think, “Whew! I’m glad that’s over!” 

And then, just like that—another decision comes our way. Sometimes a day later, or a week later, and sometimes even that same day. 

What will we do about school? Sports? Church? Extracurriculars? Birthday parties? Slumber parties? Social gatherings? Vacations? Work? 

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The requests come flooding in and with each request comes another decision. 

Mama, I don’t know about you, but I am so. tired. of. making. these. decisions. 

Last week, I had a bad day. Like an, I need to go for a walk and be by myself, honey you need to take over everything because I just need a minute to breathe and think kind of day. 

Have you ever had one of those? 

We had just finished making what felt like our 100th decision of the week and then another one came our way. Our daughter was invited to a sleepover with a bunch of her friends. And I’m so sick of saying no, but given our family’s personal circumstances, I didn’t feel like I could say yes. 

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And this moment, this choice, this decision, felt a little like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I couldn’t say no. And I couldn’t say yes. I didn’t feel like I could possibly make one more decision. 

For some, that may sound ridiculous. And for others, that may make perfect sense. I don’t want to get into an argument or debate about what we should all be doing, or how we should all be handling this. 

Because really, nobody knows. This is new. For all of us.

We may have our opinions or our beliefs about the perfect way to respond in any given situation, but I’m not sure that’s fair. I haven’t walked in your shoes. And you haven’t walked in mine. 

Our family has continued to practice social distancing, we wear our masks, and I am teaching my children from home first semester. This is what we’ve needed to do for our family. And sometimes it’s isolating. Sometimes it feels lonely. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a pressure cooker and I just want to say, “Forget it! We will do whatever. I’m done fighting this battle. I’m done trying. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to say no one more time to one more thing. I don’t want to have to look my children in the eyes and say, ‘I’m sorry. Not this time.'” 

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Mama, have you felt this way? 

But then, after I’m done throwing my little mental tempter tantrum, I take a deep breath and I realize that isn’t really what I want. 

Like a teenager who yells, “I hate you!” and slams the door. Or the toddler who says, “You’re so mean, Mommy!” Or the kid who declares he will “never ever (fill in the blank).” They don’t mean it. Just like I don’t mean it either. 

I will keep trying. I will keep making these choices. Because that’s what I have to do. That’s what this season requires. 

This is the season of decision making. So I will keep putting one foot in front of the other. I will keep taking it to God. And talking it over with my husband. And making the choices we feel are best for us during this season of life. 

Sometimes I will feel tired, but I will get to the other side. 

Mama, you will get to the other side. 

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This is part of our story. This is shaping us and molding us, like all of our life experiences do. We can do hard things. Our children can do hard things. We can make hard choices today. And make more hard choices tomorrow. And in the midst of the difficulty, our eyes can be opened to the good. To the joy. To the blessing. To the gifts. 

Today, my family and I watched church and then spent the afternoon playing tennis together. Last night, we played a family game. My children are still seeing their friends, and my husband and I are still seeing ours, too. Yes, it’s outside and yes, it’s with the space between us in mind, but we are still enjoying that time together. 

Life is different, but it isn’t all bad. In some ways, it’s really good. There are things about this season that I love. 

And that’s what I need to remember. There will be hard days. And there will be good days. There will be days when I feel like I can’t do this anymore. And there will be days when my eyes will be opened to all of the things we are experiencing that we wouldn’t if our lives were so overbooked and overscheduled right now. 

One day, this will be a part of our past. 

But for now, it’s our today. 

For now, we are in an era of decision making. And God is doing something in this season. Let’s not ever forget that. He is always working. He is always moving. 

He is with us in each of our decisions. In fact, He knew before the beginning of time this would happen. He knew the decisions we would make. This all may be a giant surprise for us, but it isn’t to Him. 

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He has always known this would be a part of our stories. 

He has paved the way. And that’s what I will remember when I’m weary. That’s what I will remember when another decision comes my way. 

He’s got this.

Don’t let this time break you, mama. I’m not going to let it break me. Stand strong. Do what’s best for your family. One decision at a time. 

He’s holding us. 

We’ve got this.