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Dear Son, One Day Someone is Going To Ask You About Your ‘Real’ Mom

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By Kimberly Keys

Son with mother — Image via Kimberly Keys

To my adopted son,

One day, someone is going to ask you about your real mom.

There are debates about who is the real mother of an adopted child. I’ve heard it said that the mom who gives birth to a baby is the real mom. I’ve also heard it argued that the adoptive mom who is raising the child is the real mom.

I want you to know that when you are asked about your real mom, it’s OK to answer this question by saying you have two real moms.

RELATED: I Chose Adoption For My Baby, But I Didn’t Let Go

Your birth mom is a real mom. She carried you in her belly and felt your kicks as you were growing inside of her.

She was the first mom you knew.

Real moms put their children’s needs before their own. Sometimes this is something relatively small like giving up sleep to take care of you in the middle of the night. But sometimes those sacrifices are far greater. Your birth mom made the brave decision to put your needs first and make an adoption plan to make sure you were well cared for.

You would not be here without her.

The day you came home to me and Daddy did not lessen anything she did for you. Your coming home to us did not make her unreal.

RELATED: To My Adopted Baby: You Saved Me

You also have me, the mom who adopted you. It was the happiest day of my life when you came home.

You made me a real mom. I now had a sweet little baby to cuddle and care for.

As I’ve watched you grow, I’ve been so proud of you as you’ve learned to turn pages in books, point at things you want, walk, and talk. My heart feels like it might burst when you give me a hug or kiss on the cheek. These everyday things mean everything to me. Being your mom has made me happier than anything in life.

Your two moms have played different parts in your life. God knew I wasn’t going to get pregnant but was still supposed to be a mom. God knew your birth mom was a strong woman capable of making a courageous decision. He knew we both would love you.

RELATED: 4 Things a Birth Mom Wants Adoptive Families To Know

I don’t pretend to understand why things happen the way they do. But I know if you weren’t your birth mom’s son too, you wouldn’t be you. You would be missing traits she passed on to you. And I love you because of who you are, and that includes the parts of you that are from her, like your adorable looks.

So when someone asks about your real mom, it’s OK with me if you want to say, “I have two.”

Love,
Mom

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

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Kimberly Keys

Kimberly is a stay-at-home mom to her precious son who joined our family through the miracle of adoption. She loves exploring parks with him around her hometown of Cleveland, Ohio. She previously worked in IT for 12 years. Using her IT experience, she's written for Zapier's Engineering blog and ghost written for clients of Codeless about project management. She is always looking for new writing opportunities!

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Dear Son, One Day Someone is Going To Ask You About Your ‘Real’ Mom

RELATED: I Chose Adoption For My Baby, But I Didn’t Let Go

She was the first mom you knew.

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You made me a real mom. I now had a sweet little baby to cuddle and care for.

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Kimberly Keys

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Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

Dear Son, One Day Someone is Going To Ask You About Your ‘Real’ Mom

She was the first mom you knew.

You made me a real mom. I now had a sweet little baby to cuddle and care for.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

These Moms on the Sidelines Became My People

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

I’m Not Really Sure How To Do This Teenager Thing

Why Don’t We Talk About Jonah’s Mother?

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