Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

Baby girl,

You won’t read this for years. As I write, you’re carefree, and four, and dancing in your frilliest dress. You dream about princesses and fairy tales. A few weeks ago, you told me you’re waiting for your prince.

When I ask you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” you always reply, “I want to marry my brother and be a mama.” I keep telling you you’ll change your mind about your brother. But you might still dream about getting married and having babies. I did.

I love your papa more every day, and I’m privileged to be his wife. You and your brother are woven into the fibers of my heart forever. God answered my prayers when He gave me each of you.

But, baby girl, I want you to know: you don’t have to be a wife and mama.

If marriage and motherhood will be best for you, I pray God fulfills those desires in time. But you may choose not to marry or might not meet someone you want to commit to forever. Or you could remain single for years before marrying.

Your papa and I are not raising you with an expectation you’ll get married.

We mix up the books you read and the cartoons you watch. You love Disney princesses, but we also tell you stories about working, building character, and a life that doesn’t include a family. As you grow older, we’ll do our best to present every option to you. We’ll challenge you in school, help you find and develop your passions. When you complain, “When will I ever use this math or science?” I’ll remind you of the time you wanted to be a doctor. If you want to study art or language, we’ll support you.

Our goal is to prepare you for the path God has for your life. But I also pray you’ll find freedom in that path, whether it includes marriage or not.

Baby, I was just like you once. Four-years-old, then 12, then 18, and I just wanted to fall in love. I didn’t dream of a career or an educational goal. I assumed I’d get married and start having babies right after college.

But I didn’t.

Years went by. My friends all got married and had two or three kids. And I was still single.

I’d studied the Bible my whole life. Your grandpa and grandma taught me solid truths about love and marriage. I was part of strong churches. But now and then, I’d hear a Christian say, “God’s ultimate purpose for women is to be married and have kids.” Or I’d browse the Christian bookstore and realize most of the women’s books were about marriage, raising kids, and keeping a home.

I wondered, “What’s wrong with me?” I felt guilty for not meeting God’s purpose and hurt by those statements about women.

I went back to college and devoured learning. I developed priceless friendships and began a job I adored. I found joy and fulfillment in my single life and began to question this idea of God’s ultimate purpose for women.

If God’s design was for every woman to be a helpmate, why did godly women remain single? If His ultimate plan for me was to be a wife, why was the guy not around? Was I falling short? Was I sinning? And if so, why was God blessing my single life?

In those years, I learned that singleness is a gift (1 Cor. 7:7). Even Jesus said it’s a good thing, if that’s what God has given (Matt. 19:11). God blessed me with opportunities I might not have had if I’d been married. Life was full of joy, excitement, purpose and peace. I was not simply “on hold” until I walked down the aisle.

I loved being single, and now I treasure my marriage. I was 28 when I married your papa and 30 when you came along. Older than most of my friends. But this was the path God laid for me.

Baby, I hope you will be whatever God puts on your heart to be. A mama. A doctor. An engineer. An artist. Maybe a combination or something entirely different. If you desire marriage, I pray He brings it. If you remain single, I pray you feel freedom.

But may you know this truth that it took me so many years to take hold of: your primary purpose in life is to love God with all your heart, and then to love others (Matt. 22:37-40). Your marital status is beside the point. You can be exactly the woman God created you to be, whether you’re a “helpmate” or not.

Whatever gift He gives you, to be single or to be married, you can walk in the purpose He intended.

With love from a woman once joyfully single and now joyfully married,
Mama

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Nicole Baldonado

Nicole Baldonado is a social worker and missionary in L’viv, Ukraine. She and her husband love raising their two kids in an intercultural lifestyle. Nicole writes weekly at jnbmission.com and can be found on Facebook at facebook.com/jnbaldonado or Twitter at NBaldonado.

This Will Not Last Forever

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman looking at sunset

“This will not last forever,” I wrote those words on the unfinished walls above my daughter’s changing table. For some reason, it got very tiring to change her diapers. Nearly three years later, the words are still there though the changing table no longer is under them. While my house is still unfinished so I occasionally see those words, that stage of changing diapers for her has moved on. She did grow up, and I got a break. Now I do it for her baby brother. I have been reminding myself of the seasons of life again. Everything comes and...

Keep Reading

God Calls Me Flawless

In: Faith, Living
Note hanging on door, color photo

When I look in the mirror, I don’t always like what I see. I tend to focus on every imperfection, every flaw. As I age, more wrinkles naturally appear. And I’ve never been high maintenance, so the gray hairs are becoming more frequent, too. Growing up a lot of negative words were spoken about me: my body, my weight, my hair, my build. Words I’ve somehow carried my whole life. The people who proclaimed them as my truth don’t even remember what they said, I’m sure. But that’s the power of negative words. Sticks and stones may break our bones,...

Keep Reading

Your Husband Needs Friendship Too

In: Faith, Friendship, Marriage
3 men smiling outside

As the clock inches closer to 7:00 on a Monday evening, I pull out whatever dessert I had prepared that week and set it out on the kitchen counter. This particular week it’s a trifle, but other weeks it may be brownies, pound cake, or cookies of some kind. My eyes do one last sweep to make sure there isn’t a tripping hazard disguised as a dog toy on the floor and that the leftover dinner is put away. Then, my kids and I make ourselves scarce. Sometimes that involves library runs or gym visits, but it mostly looks like...

Keep Reading

This Is Why Moms Ask for Experience Gifts

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Mother and young daughter under Christmas lights wearing red sweaters

When a mama asks for experience gifts for her kids for Christmas, please don’t take it as she’s ungrateful or a Scrooge. She appreciates the love her children get, she really does. But she’s tired. She’s tired of the endless number of toys that sit in the bottom of a toy bin and never see the light of day. She’s tired of tripping over the hundreds of LEGOs and reminding her son to pick them up so the baby doesn’t find them and choke. She’s tired of having four Elsa dolls (we have baby Elsa, Barbie Elsa, a mini Elsa,...

Keep Reading

When You Just Don’t Feel Like Christmas

In: Faith, Living
Woman sad looking out a winter window

It’s hard to admit, but some years I have to force myself to decorate for Christmas. Some years the lights look a little dimmer. The garlands feel a bit heavier. And the circumstances of life just aren’t wrapped in a big red bow like I so wish they were. Then comparison creeps in like a fake Facebook friend and I just feel like hiding under the covers and skipping it all. Because I know there’s no way to measure up to the perfect life “out there.” And it all just feels heavier than it used to. Though I feel alone,...

Keep Reading

When Your Kids Ask, “Where Is God?”

In: Faith, Kids
Child looking at sunset

How do I know if the voice I’m hearing is God’s voice? When I was in high school, I found myself asking this question. My dad was a pastor, and I was feeling called to ministry. I didn’t know if I was just hearing my dad’s wish or the call of God. I was worried I was confusing the two. It turns out, I did know. I knew because I was raised to recognize the presence of God all around me. Once I knew what God’s presence felt like, I also knew what God’s voice sounded like. There is a...

Keep Reading

To the Woman Longing to Become a Mother

In: Faith, Grief, Motherhood
Woman looking at pregnancy test with hand on her head and sad expression

To the woman who is struggling with infertility. To the woman who is staring at another pregnancy test with your flashlight or holding it up in the light, praying so hard that there will be even the faintest line. To the woman whose period showed up right on time. To the woman who is just ready to quit. I don’t know the details of your story. I don’t know what doctors have told you. I don’t know how long you have been trying. I don’t know how many tears you have shed. I don’t know if you have lost a...

Keep Reading

I Was There to Walk My Mother to Heaven

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Hand holding older woman's hand

I prayed to see my momma die. Please don’t click away yet or judge me harshly after five seconds. I prayed to see, to experience, to be in the room, to be a part of every last millisecond of my momma’s final days, final hours, and final moments here on Earth. You see, as a wife of a military man, I have always lived away from my family. I have missed many birthdays, celebrations, dinners, and important things. But my heart couldn’t miss this important moment. I live 12 hours away from the room in the house where my momma...

Keep Reading

God Sent Me to You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Newborn gazing at mother with father smiling down

I was a little unsure As I left God’s warm embrace: What will it be like? What challenges will I face? There were so many questions Running through my mind. I asked around for the answers I was hoping to find. Who will hold me And cuddle me tight? Who will rock me To sleep at night? RELATED: The Newborn Nights Feel As Endless As My Love For You Who will comfort me When I’ve had a rough day? Who will be there To take my worries away? Who will nourish me And make sure I grow? Who will read...

Keep Reading

Addiction Doesn’t Get the Final Say Over My Son

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman praying with head bowed

She is so tired. It is a kind of tired that no amount of sleep or rest can alleviate. It is a kind of tired that surpasses physical and even mental fatigue. It is a tiredness of soul—a tiredness that comes from wondering, and grieving, and not knowing how to save her son from the drugs the enemy has bound him up in. She kneels alone on the floor in her bedroom closet. This is where she came when the fear and the uncertainty and the panic started to creep into her heart again. She came here to pray, though...

Keep Reading