Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

Baby girl,

You won’t read this for years. As I write, you’re carefree, and four, and dancing in your frilliest dress. You dream about princesses and fairy tales. A few weeks ago, you told me you’re waiting for your prince.

When I ask you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” you always reply, “I want to marry my brother and be a mama.” I keep telling you you’ll change your mind about your brother. But you might still dream about getting married and having babies. I did.

I love your papa more every day, and I’m privileged to be his wife. You and your brother are woven into the fibers of my heart forever. God answered my prayers when He gave me each of you.

But, baby girl, I want you to know: you don’t have to be a wife and mama.

If marriage and motherhood will be best for you, I pray God fulfills those desires in time. But you may choose not to marry or might not meet someone you want to commit to forever. Or you could remain single for years before marrying.

Your papa and I are not raising you with an expectation you’ll get married.

We mix up the books you read and the cartoons you watch. You love Disney princesses, but we also tell you stories about working, building character, and a life that doesn’t include a family. As you grow older, we’ll do our best to present every option to you. We’ll challenge you in school, help you find and develop your passions. When you complain, “When will I ever use this math or science?” I’ll remind you of the time you wanted to be a doctor. If you want to study art or language, we’ll support you.

Our goal is to prepare you for the path God has for your life. But I also pray you’ll find freedom in that path, whether it includes marriage or not.

Baby, I was just like you once. Four-years-old, then 12, then 18, and I just wanted to fall in love. I didn’t dream of a career or an educational goal. I assumed I’d get married and start having babies right after college.

But I didn’t.

Years went by. My friends all got married and had two or three kids. And I was still single.

I’d studied the Bible my whole life. Your grandpa and grandma taught me solid truths about love and marriage. I was part of strong churches. But now and then, I’d hear a Christian say, “God’s ultimate purpose for women is to be married and have kids.” Or I’d browse the Christian bookstore and realize most of the women’s books were about marriage, raising kids, and keeping a home.

I wondered, “What’s wrong with me?” I felt guilty for not meeting God’s purpose and hurt by those statements about women.

I went back to college and devoured learning. I developed priceless friendships and began a job I adored. I found joy and fulfillment in my single life and began to question this idea of God’s ultimate purpose for women.

If God’s design was for every woman to be a helpmate, why did godly women remain single? If His ultimate plan for me was to be a wife, why was the guy not around? Was I falling short? Was I sinning? And if so, why was God blessing my single life?

In those years, I learned that singleness is a gift (1 Cor. 7:7). Even Jesus said it’s a good thing, if that’s what God has given (Matt. 19:11). God blessed me with opportunities I might not have had if I’d been married. Life was full of joy, excitement, purpose and peace. I was not simply “on hold” until I walked down the aisle.

I loved being single, and now I treasure my marriage. I was 28 when I married your papa and 30 when you came along. Older than most of my friends. But this was the path God laid for me.

Baby, I hope you will be whatever God puts on your heart to be. A mama. A doctor. An engineer. An artist. Maybe a combination or something entirely different. If you desire marriage, I pray He brings it. If you remain single, I pray you feel freedom.

But may you know this truth that it took me so many years to take hold of: your primary purpose in life is to love God with all your heart, and then to love others (Matt. 22:37-40). Your marital status is beside the point. You can be exactly the woman God created you to be, whether you’re a “helpmate” or not.

Whatever gift He gives you, to be single or to be married, you can walk in the purpose He intended.

With love from a woman once joyfully single and now joyfully married,
Mama

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Nicole Baldonado

Nicole Baldonado is a social worker and missionary in L’viv, Ukraine. She and her husband love raising their two kids in an intercultural lifestyle. Nicole writes weekly at jnbmission.com and can be found on Facebook at facebook.com/jnbaldonado or Twitter at NBaldonado.

8 Fight Songs for the Single Mom

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Woman holding earbuds in ears

They whispered to her: You cannot withstand the storm. I have had days when the storms hit me while I sat on the shower floor with my knees to my chest feeling completely defeated, letting the hot water beat down on my body. I have had nights when the storms hit me as tears stained my pillow. As time has moved on, I am learning how to beat the storms. This is only possible because of the family and friends that God has brought into my life. This is my fight song. These are and have been my take back...

Keep Reading

Your Brother Is With Jesus Now

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Brother and sister in yellow outfits smiling on park bench

“Thao is with Jesus now,” we told her, barely choking out the whisper. Jesus. This invisible being we sing about. Jesus. The baby in the manger? Jesus. How can we explain Jesus and death and loss and grief to a 3-year-old? And now, how can we not? We live it, breathe it, and dwell in loss since the death of her brother, our son, Thao. Here we are living a life we never wanted or dreamed of. Here we are navigating loss and death in a way our Creator never intended. What words can I use to describe death to...

Keep Reading

Even When You Can’t Find Joy, Jesus Is There

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Sad woman through pane of rain covered glass

The international church service was vibrant with voices lifted up in songs of praise. Many clapped their hands and some even danced before God. But I wanted to be invisible. Joy felt like a land depicted in a fairy tale. I had returned from the hospital the day before—a surgery to remove the baby who had died in my womb. Watching this church buzz with happiness unearthed my fragileness. I slouched in my chair and closed my eyes. Tears trickled down my freckled face. My mind knew God was in control, but my heart ached as yet another thing I...

Keep Reading

He Mends Our Broken Hearts

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Praying hands of woman with bracelets

Rays of soft sunlight streamed through the curtain onto the hospital bed. I stepped to the edge of the bed, taking a moment to soak in his face before gently holding his hand. Eighty-nine years is a rich, full life, and each passing day revealed more convincingly it was time for him to go. Grief and relief shared the space in my heart as I carried the weight of understanding each visit held the opportunity to be my last.  When he felt my hand, his eyes opened, and he gifted me a smile. Pop Pop always had a smile for...

Keep Reading

When I Feel Like a Failure, God Reminds Me of His Grace

In: Faith, Motherhood
Child hugs mother in sun flare

I’ve always been a teeth grinder, especially during times of high stress. Striving manifests itself physically through my teeth and jaw. I have even shifted several of my teeth from the grinding, moving my pearly whites to become crooked and a little unsightly. I should’ve known this morning that the night of grinding my teeth before was going to turn into a day of clenching my jaw. The spiritual warfare was intense, the temptations strong. I felt angry and burnt out.  After I finally laid my son down for a nap, I sat on the couch and told God, “I...

Keep Reading

My Father’s Faith

In: Faith, Grief
Man with grown daughter, color photo

I’ve been thinking a lot about legacy lately.  When my dad passed away in 2011, I lost the most influential person in my life. He was sacrificial in his love for me and others. His heart was devoted to the Lord, and it was evident to all who knew him. His death marked me in a significant way, and I still struggle with grief 11 years later. But his life marked me in an even greater way, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. As I reflect on legacy, I think about the impact that my dad’s faith had (and still...

Keep Reading

Silence the Lie that Says You’re Too Much

In: Faith, Living
Mother and daughter smiling outside wearing sunglasses

As a kindergartner sometimes I tagged along to my mom’s work as a hotel housekeeper. While my mom worked, I played in the recreation room. Her boss checked on me and always had something fun to play with or a story to share.  One day, in a burst of excitement, I shared something special that happened over the weekend with the supervisor. The words bounded from my mouth like a puppy ready to play in the morning.  The boss chuckled, “Whoa, motor mouth! Slow down!” In a split second, my 5-year-old heart crumbled, and the lie that would follow me...

Keep Reading

He’s the God of Small Things In Motherhood Too

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman holding infant, black-and-white photo

Normally, on a Sunday afternoon during the girls’ naptime, I try to get some work done or lie down to rest. But a few days ago, I instead wrapped a blanket around my waist to keep warm and pulled cutting boards and pots out of the cupboard.  Before I had kids, I wondered what kind of mom I would be. In fact, I was pretty sure I knew. My outgoing and vivacious personality attracted kids to my side for years. Their energy matched mine, and we giggled and chased each other before collapsing on the floor. I pictured myself holding...

Keep Reading

Let’s Stop the Negative Talk about Marriage

In: Faith, Marriage
Square, wooden arch with floral and fabric in field, color photo

Growing up, I remember hearing many negative phrases used about marriage—on TV, by distant relatives, anywhere, really.  “The old ball and chain.” “All my wife does is nag.” “You’re happy in your marriage? You must still be in the honeymoon phase.” These are just a few examples of the many things I have heard for years that create a negative connotation around marriage. I never really thought much of it until I fell in love and got engaged to the man of my dreams. Can you guess what happened next? “Just wait . . .” I heard entirely too many...

Keep Reading

Dear Momma, I Will Be Your Friend

In: Faith, Friendship, Motherhood
Woman sitting in hammock with baby, color photo

Dear momma, You got this. Every fiber of your being was uniquely designed to do what you say you can’t. Your uniqueness, talents, drive, warmth, and smiles are all part of God’s perfect plan. Being a mother is no easy task. It requires the Lord, patience, endurance, steadfastness, and a friend. Dear momma, I’ll be your friend. We don’t have to have the same beliefs or ways of doing things to share our burdens with each other. Know that my walk weighs heavily on God, His strength, His peace and His purpose. I will share my heart with you and...

Keep Reading