I have absolutely no clue what I am doing when it comes to parenting.

None. Nada. Nope. Zero.

I am the queen of mistakes, daily. I yell when I should have asked calmly. I check my phone when I know I should be paying attention. I will use screen time so I can take quick shower, and the occasional glass of wine to keep my sanity. I sometimes pair with Betty Crocker to get through dinner time, and use the assistance of the Pillsbury Dough Boy when we “make” cookies.

But, I try.

I try so hard that I worry. I worry about all I am doing wrong. I worry that I am ruining my babies, that I am somehow damaging these beautiful hearts. I worry if they know how I love them, if they feel it. I worry that I am being too hard, and that I am not being hard enough. I worry if they will be good people, and I worry about the bad ones who might try to prey on them. I worry when they are right next me, and when they are miles away.

Then, I pray to God each night to make me a better mother and wife.

I don’t attend church every Sunday, not even close. I can’t quote the Bible, or tell you what each chapter holds. I don’t take communion, and we have yet to dedicate our youngest son. My Bible hasn’t been touched in years, and I don’t belong to a study group.

But I need Him.

He knows my sins, and I know them too, so I ask for forgiveness when my head hits the pillow. He knows all I do wrong, all my worries and thoughts, and how hard I am trying. He knows how I grew up, and how much I want to give them a better life than I had, to be a better mother. I believe He knows that. He sees our attempts to get there on Sunday, whether a success or failure. He sees me teach them how to pray each night before bed, and He hears my prayers after they are tucked in. He knows we are giving it everything we’ve got to teach them about love, kindness, and embracing differences.

Despite all I do wrong, I believe He is still beside me, guiding me along the way.

I have absolutely no clue what I am doing when it comes to parenting, but He gave these beautiful children to me, so I believe in myself, because He does. 

Kayla Friehe

Kayla Friehe is a wife and mother of two young boys. She loves wine, chocolate, and binge watching Netflix-- sometimes all at once. In her spare time she enjoys blogging about motherhood and day dreaming of sleep.