I can’t remember the last time I prayed.
I feel incredibly guilty saying that. But, it has become my reality lately. It’s not something I’m proud of and, surprisingly, my lack of praying isn’t due to a faith crisis. I’m not struggling with doctrine, scripture, philosophy, or my church.
I have a constantly sick toddler who is also in the midst of potty training (seriously, I should be praying, ya feel me?) and a newborn, I haven’t been to church in what feels like months. My faith is still strong, I know who my Father in Heaven is and I know what Jesus means to me.
I feel like I should be doing better.
My kids need a good example and as a mom, I know it is my duty to teach my children the ways of the Lord. But, it’s hard sometimes. Honestly, it’s hard almost all the time.
At the end of most days, I want to just crash into bed as soon as the kids are down for the night. I know I’ll just have to get up again in a couple of hours. And then again a couple of hours after that to tend to one, or both, of my kids. Wash, rinse, and repeat every night what feels like a thousand times. I’m hoping the trek up and down the stairs stops before they move out.
I love my kids with all my heart, but they are the source of my exhaustion most days. Don’t get me wrong—I wouldn’t change it for anything in the whole wide world. But, it is a fact. Kids are tiring.
They wear you out mentally and physically, and lately, I’ve let that exhaustion carry over spiritually.
I know I am not alone in this.
I can’t remember the last time I really, actually, truly prayed. I mean, down on my knees with a clear head and heart, pouring my soul out to Heaven. I’ve said plenty of silent prayers throughout my busy days, albeit mostly half-hearted. I’ve started plenty of prayers lying down in bed at night, but never finished them because I’ve fallen asleep before I can say amen.
I’m here to tell you those prayers, even though you may think they may not be right, are not wasted. They are valid and heard. I have seen the truth of this in my life.
Jesus meets us where we are.
If we try even the smallest prayer, I know without a doubt it is heard in Heaven. Even our most measly attempts are met with grace and understanding.
Exhaustion is part of motherhood’s job description. Heaven knows that. Being a mom is a high and holy calling. Keep trying. Keep saying those silent, and even unfinished, prayers throughout all your days. Let Heaven be on your heart. Extend the same grace to yourself that you extend toward your children and that our Father in Heaven always extends to us.