Some stay-at-home parents choose to stay at home with their children. For others, life chooses that role for them.

Even the most involved dad misses things because of work. My wife was at home with my daughter, Kara, for almost two years while I worked out of the house. Shortly after Kara turned one, I came home from work and she was running around the house. The day before she’d been crawling.

I hated missing these milestones. I wanted to see them in real-time and in-person.

I knew plans could change when I became a parent, but I didn’t expect to rebuild my life to be a stay-at-home dad. I was injured on the job, and I spent nine months at home with my bright 2-year-old daughter. I expected I would recover from the injury and return back to work.

That’s not what happened. And it’s no longer the plan.

Kara and I have had a strong bond since her birth, and she has to do some things with Daddy and only Daddy. Being home with her has not been relaxing to any degree; I had no idea the level of mental and emotional endurance needed to spend 24 hours a day caring for your child. But it’s also been the most fulfilling time I’ve spent at home since her birth.

When you spend every day bonding with your child, they grow and so do you. I’ve learned a lot about fatherhood, and the important traits and skills required to be a great stay-at-home dad:

1.) Give up on your male ego.

Men are used to acting a certain way because of our ego. Every man does this to a degree. It’s how we learned to be. But with your child, it has to be put aside. You may think you would never play with Play-Doh, blocks, or toys, make silly voices, or play imaginative games with them. Having a daughter, you’ll likely get your hair brushed, nails painted, or dance around to a Disney song. You will, and you should.

Young children are sensitive to emotion. If you get tense and embarrassed, they can feel it.

You need to be the example and show them it’s OK to let your guard down and be who you are.

Once you realize no one is watching and your child won’t judge you, you’ll have a blast.

2.) Learn to compromise and negotiate.

There are times for concrete rules, responsibility, and safety, and there are times for a firm “no.” But when you can, you should be flexible. I’ve had to negotiate with my daughter so often, she regularly says the phrase, “It’s a deal.”

For example, she wants to walk to the grocery store at 8 a.m. We just woke up not even an hour ago, and I’m tired and hungry. The weather is good, and we’ll have plenty of time for other activities afterward. I’ll suggest we eat and brush our teeth first. Then, we can go. She accepts my conditions. I grant her request. It ensures both of you get what you want.

There’ll be millions of other times you must say no to them. Don’t be too permissive, but say yes when you can.

3.) Find your own way of doing things.

Sometimes with two parents in the household, there are two ways of doing things. You don’t have to do things like your partner does, as long as you get the same result.

Doing it differently makes it memorable and brings you closer with your toddler.

My daughter and I have little routines that are unique to us. One is how we brush our teeth together. After brushing, we both take a sip of water to rinse. We spit at the same time, with our arms around each other’s shoulders. It sounds trivial and silly, but it means a lot to her. She knows this is how we always do it, and she knows what’s next. It’s something special, as she knows she only does it that way with me.

4.) Being a stay-at-home dad means long hours and no breaks.

Often, the parent who’s watching the kids feels relieved when their partner gets home. It feels like a shift change at a job. You get a little break, and it’s time to do a few things you couldn’t with your little one under your feet. But if you have a daddy’s girl and you are daddy, you’ll be lucky if you get a 10-minute break. My wife will come home, Kara greets her at the door, and off they go. Not even 15 minutes later, I hear my little girl’s loud voice.

She screams, “DADDY! I NEED YOU!” and I’m back in the trenches.

Especially after a hectic day with a cranky toddler who didn’t nap long enough, you’ll feel mentally drained. Just remember that if there’s another parent in the house, it doesn’t mean you’re finished. It’s especially true if your child is choosing to be with you. Be grateful they choose to spend time with you when given other options. It means you are their safe haven, their source of comfort and joy. You should cherish that.

5.) Give them 100% of your attention while interacting with them.

It’s easy to stress adult life and worry about what else you have to do when being a stay-at-home parent. I constantly worried about whether or not I’d return to work, what phone calls for medical treatment I had to make, and searching for another job.

If you’re stressing yourself over things you can’t do anything about at the moment or at all, they can sense it. When Kara senses it, she tells me, “Come play with me!” And it snaps me out of my unproductive overthinking.

I’m not saying to ignore responsibilities. But when you’re doing an activity with them, be with them, not on your phone or in your head. If not, you’re missing amazing moments that would bring you closer together.

RELATED: Dads, Before You Walk in the Door, Put a Smile On Your Face

I use a to-do list app to assist me. If I’m doing something with my daughter and I remember I need to do something, I put it down in the app. I handle it when I can, like during nap time or when she’s doing something solo. There will be times that you can’t push a task off. At least tell them what you have to do, and then you’ll be back to have fun with them. They have the potential to be surprisingly understanding.

6.) Prepare to be amazed.

When you’re a parent, you know your child. You know their language, their temperament, and preferences. But when you’re home with them all day, you’ll learn even more new things about them. You’ll discover sides of them you didn’t see before. You can watch them grow, develop, and learn every day.

It’s an awe-inspiring thing to see the small changes when you think back to a month or even a week before.

If your toddler can talk, it adds to the fun. Talk to them as much as possible. You’ll be amazed at the words and phrases they know, and the concepts they’ve picked up. Having conversations with your toddler is one of the best things about being home with them. You learn what they like, how they feel about things, and what they think. Even observing the nonverbal communication of an older baby is insightful if you pay attention.

When you are having a particularly hard day, sometimes your little one will say just the right thing to you. Whether it’s a hug or an “I love you” at just the right moment, or something more.

After stressing about my career change one day, I was breaking my own rule. I was overthinking life while playing with her. Reacting to the game we were playing, my daughter said, “Don’t be afraid. You’ll be alright.” At times they’ll say what you need to hear. It’s not often but it is greatly appreciated when it happens. Is it possible they learn as much about us as we learn about them?

Being a stay-at-home parent is not for everyone. It’s not what you would expect initially. Sometimes, it’s frustrating and exhausting. It has its ups and downs, sometimes many within the same day. I’ve had my laptop drawn on, gotten lotion in my ear more than once, and fished objects out of the toilet.

It can also be the most profound, life-changing experience of your life if you let it.

It’s brought me even closer to my daughter, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m currently reorganizing my life to stay at home with her until she starts school.

RELATED: When Dads Do More, We Set Our Kids Up For the Future

They grow up fast. If you get the chance to be a stay-at-home parent, savor every moment. Their small stature and dependence on you is only temporary. Sooner than you realize, they’re independent and do more and more without you.

Even though it’s tiring, spend every possible second by their side. They’ll appreciate bonding with you and both of you will be better for it.

This post originally appeared here.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Andrew Karpisz

Andrew Karpisz is a freelance writer for hire and a proud stay-at-home father. He writes about parenting, self-improvement, and more. When he's not writing and researching, you can find him frolicking and playing with his 2-year-old daughter. He can be reached at andrewak.com, or Facebook and Twitter.

My Dad Showed Me the Greatest Lessons Are Taught Through Example

In: Fatherhood
grandpa holding donut box with grandson

Waiting at the window, I arranged the blue ruffles on my brand new dress and flipped my hair around to look just right. It was a night to be fancy. It was my first date. My face was flushed as I looked forward to the night ahead. I knew it was a big deal to be taken out and I would get special treatment. I would pick the restaurant and maybe we would have some ice cream and walk around downtown before the sun went down. After that, I was pretty sure we could go to the store and that...

Keep Reading

It Doesn’t Matter How Old I Am—I’ll Always Need My Daddy

In: Fatherhood, Grown Children, Living
Vintage photo of little girl on bike with her dad

I have always been a Daddy’s girl, much to my mom’s frustration.  She always said my dad and I were wired the same, and that’s why it’s always just “worked.” Sure, we have had our struggles and frustrations—when two people think almost the exact same way, certainly there will be battles. But my dad has always had my back, without fail.   Whether he had to question a school decision or staff my senior class retreat (yes, my dad is featured in my high school yearbook), I knew he would be there. He thought he would lose me someday, that having...

Keep Reading

I’m Just a Little Boy, but Daddy You’re Teaching Me How to Be a Man

In: Fatherhood, Marriage
Daddy on the floor playing with son, color photo

I’m only a little boy, still too young to tie my own shoes or make my own breakfast. My days are filled with playtime, snacks, lots of hugs from Mommy, and plenty of tickles from you, Daddy. Right now, my life revolves around me and you and Mommy. I don’t know much about the world outside our home yet. I haven’t learned about responsibility or self-discipline or sacrifice. I haven’t had to find my place in the world yet. But I guess I’m pretty lucky because even though you may not know it, you’ve already begun teaching me everything I...

Keep Reading

You’re the Father You Never Had and I’m So Proud of You

In: Fatherhood, Marriage
Dad and kids walking on beach

Can I tell you about my husband? He’s amazing. He’s kind and doting and loves Jesus, but perhaps his most endearing trait is the absolutely incredible father he is.  In our early days of dating, he was crippled by the fear of what type of father he would be. To him, fatherhood was burdensome, grumbling, abandonment, and fighting for the final dollar during tax season. His experience as a son crippled his anticipation as a father.  But I knew it all along—what an incredible dad he would be. Although I must admit, he has often far surpassed what I even...

Keep Reading

To the Stay At Home Mom From Your Husband: I See You

In: Fatherhood, Marriage

To the woman who sacrificed her comfort zone—leaving her family, friends, and everything she’d ever known—to follow her new husband across the country for his job: I see you. To the wife who pours herself into making a house her home, only to have to move again: I see you. To the wife who put her career, education, and personal pursuits on hold for the sake of her family: I see you. To the mom who went through pain and misery for nine months, only to have motherhood turn out to be nothing like she’d dreamed and longed for it...

Keep Reading

I Struggled With My Son’s Diagnosis, But Found Hope in the Special Needs Community

In: Fatherhood, Tough Times

When I found out I was going to be a father I was beyond excited. My wife and I had been trying to conceive for years before she got pregnant. So, when she told me I was going to be a father I wanted to shout it to the rooftops! I made sure to call my wife every day at work to make sure she ate lunch. I’m sure I annoyed the heck out of her. We later found out that we were having a boy, and started to plan everything. We started to paint the baby room with blues...

Keep Reading

My Son is Growing Up, But I’ll Hold On To the Pictures Forever

In: Fatherhood

A certain part of my heart longs for these moments to never change. I look back on pictures like this one, where my oldest son tastes the salty breeze on his lips for the first time, feeling the sand underneath his toes and laughing out loud at this wholly new experience. I look back and want to freeze it, but in something more than a single picture, more solid than a flimsy memory, more lifelike in substance than what a camera can fashion. RELATED: Stay With Me a Little Longer, Daddy Because that little person who could not stand without...

Keep Reading

I Want My Sons to See How Important It is to Cover Your Wife

In: Fatherhood, Marriage

Transparent moment—I did not always do the best job of covering my wife. Early in our marriage, I was often guilty of being selfish. Our first of four childbirths had contentious moments. From the whistle I jokingly wore on our first trip to the hospital while she was in labor, to me telling her in the midst of her frustration that if we didn’t have the baby that night, she could decide if she’d go into work the next day—I’m not proud of the way I handled some of the challenges. RELATED: 5 Ways To Love Your Wife After the...

Keep Reading

Dads: Your Kids Love Doing Things Because They Get to Do Them With You

In: Fatherhood

This piece was co-written with the author’s husband, Nathan Glenn. I remember my husband taking our daughter golfing for the first time and wondering if she’d enjoy it like he did. He’d dress our kids up in Pittsburgh gear, hoping they’d love the Steelers and Pirates and Penguins as much as he does. When we imagined our someday kids, he hoped he’d have someone that would want to play catch with him and go sit on the banks for hours fishing. Now here we are over a decade into this parenting three thing, and our oldest has her own clubs...

Keep Reading

This British Dad’s Parody of Orlando Bloom’s Daily Routine Has Us Cracking Up

In: Fatherhood

Two men on the same parenting journey see things a bit differently. Read to the end for this British dad’s hilarious take on what it’s like to be a father if you’re not a famous A-list celebrity. Ever since his cinematic debut as Legolas in the Lord of the Rings film series, celebrity actor Orlando Bloom has been capturing hearts around the world. Let’s be honest, we all know why our wives were so excited when Pirates of the Caribbean hit theatres. Outside of fantasy, there’s not much that makes Mr. Bloom relatable to the average Joe. However, parenthood tends...

Keep Reading