Shop the fall collection ➔

It’s been exactly 10 years and four kids since my husband and I entered the bond of holy matrimony overlooking a beautiful valley in East Tennessee. The sun was shining; the trees bursting with color. We were giddy in love. Atop our mountain.

But it’s a shame we couldn’t stay up there.

It was no sooner than the journey home that the road got bumpy, and we started the descent. As “my” way and “his” way began butting heads, we realized there was so much more to marriage than looking our best with our heads in the clouds.

It would be giving and taking.

Marked by highs and lows.

It would require more strength than we possessed in our own 20-something bodies to not only pull ourselves up but to reach out and pull each other up, also.

We quickly learned marriage would be more than all the promises we had written out and repeated.

So much more.

Obviously, as young newlyweds, we thought we knew the best approach:

You do your half. I’ll do mine.

You scrub the dishes. I’ll fold the laundry.

You take the yard work. I’ll dust and vacuum the house.

And for a little while, that strategy works out all right.

It works out all right until . . . until someone gets sick or someone gets home late, or someone gets pregnant, and that 50/50 plan flies right out the dirty window.

RELATED: My Marriage Isn’t Fair

And the Mrs. starts comparing.

And the Mr. starts complaining.

And we all fall down.

Studying Scripture, we realize that’s not the plan God intended for us when He said a man should leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.

Rather, God designed a sacred marriage, a sacrificial servanthood to reflect His adoration for us: His church, His body.

And marriage offers us this gift. It offers us the ability to know more of God’s love and grace by sharing His love and grace with one another.

RELATED: The Secret to Marriage is Loads of Grace

So, instead of monitoring whether he picks up his grimy socks off the floor, I can take a second and toss them into the wash.

And instead of waiting on me to sweep the crumbs, he can grab the broom and get to work.

Instead of disagreeing in front of the kids, we can hear each other out in private.

And instead of waiting until exhaustion makes us crazy, we can relieve each other to take a break.

In this sweet spot of praying for God to show us how to help and listening and doing, we begin understanding that adding a little more to our side of the scale starts lifting the other side up, and we like how it feels to lift each other up.

A day at a time. A decision at a timeto commit to showing each other what loving and cherishing each other really means. And in living out this kind of servant love, we climb a little higher and higher. And that beautiful view from our wedding day on our mountaintop starts coming into focus.

The world will see it, too.

Marriage takes work. Thankfully, there’s an app that can help! Lasting—the nation’s #1 relationship counseling app—provides accessible sessions designed to help you build a healthy marriage. Download and take Lasting’s free Relationship Health Assessment.

Recommendations in this post contain affiliate links. Her View From Home may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase.

Jaclyn Warren

Stay-at-home mommy of four on mission to encourage parents to savor the meaningful in the midst of the messy. Take your 15 minutes; it’s your turn for timeout. You can find her at www.mommys15minutes.com or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Mommys15Minutes-543229312706302/.

The Best Marriage Advice We Ever Got: Touch Feet Every Night

In: Faith, Marriage
Couple touching feet in bed

Twenty-six years ago this summer, I got a tiny piece of advice on my wedding day that has kept me from making a huge mistake time and time again. A wise woman told me, “When you climb in bed each night with your husband, make sure that your feet touch under the covers. It’s hard to be mad at someone and touch feet.”  I had no idea, all those years ago, how impactful this piece of advice would be and how many times in our marriage this would be the small act that kept us united. This simple act of...

Keep Reading

Marriage Comes Down To the Little Things

In: Marriage
Empty cup next to coffee maker, color photo

Yesterday when my husband arrived home from work, I was met with a “you didn’t put my coffee cup out this morning.”  My back was to him. I was standing at the sink hand washing our daughter’s sippy cup. As I turned around, he must have read the emotion on my face because I didn’t have to say a word before he chimed in with a “no, no, I don’t expect you to! It was just a good reminder of all of the little things you do that I guess I just get used to and maybe don’t notice and...

Keep Reading

You’re Still the One I Want

In: Marriage
Hugging couple

I remember when we met like it was yesterday. You in your Wranglers and cowboy hat, I just had to ask you to dance. We’ve been together ever since. I remember how you would call me every night, we talked for hours. We had our own special way of saying goodnight before we hung up, “Take care of you for me.” The truth is the moment I  hung up, I couldn’t wait to talk to you again. We lived so far apart, that the only time we spent together was on the weekends. I loved those occasional mornings when you...

Keep Reading

Becoming a Stepmom Made Me a Mother

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Mother, father, and child kissing mom's cheek

From the time I was a little girl, it was always a given that I was going to be a mom. My younger sister and I picked names out (Denim and Lace) for our fictional children we were one day going to have, improbably, at the same time. As I grew older, college and responsibilities and a career kept my fictional children from becoming real, but I always knew that, eventually, I was going to be a mom. But then, life sometimes throws you hard and fast curveballs, and with one failed marriage looming on the horizon, I began to...

Keep Reading

The Greatest Gift Is Time

In: Living, Marriage, Motherhood
Couple with child at home

Recently, I attended both a wedding and a baby shower in the same weekend. As I was wrapping both gifts, I couldn’t help but think about what those two women really needed. The perfect gift for those first steps into marriage or motherhood is not anything that could be wrapped in pretty paper.  Sure newlyweds need pans to cook in, and babies need blankets to snuggle in. Yes, soft towels are nice and baby jammies might be the cutest clothing anyone could ever purchase. What both new brides and new mommas really need, though, could never be found on a...

Keep Reading

Loving and Appreciating the Man You Married Changes Everything

In: Marriage
Man and woman hold hands

They say, marry the man who . . .  Holds open the door for you. Gives you flowers on your birthday. Carries the heavy groceries for ysou. Makes coffee for you in the morning. Tells you how much he loves you every day. Messages you in the middle of the afternoon to tell you he’s thinking about you. Plans date nights for the two of you. But what if the man you married doesn’t do all or any of these things? Or what if he does them, but he doesn’t do them consistently? He’s so unlike those other husbands who...

Keep Reading

Loving Me after Trauma Means Being Careful with My Heart

In: Marriage
Man and woman silhouette

To the husband loving me despite my past trauma, Thank you. For not sneaking up and playfully putting your arms around me in the kitchen like you’d like to, because you know I don’t like being touched from behind. RELATED: The Lies of Abuse Will Not Silence My Voice For somehow always knowing when I need to hear “You look great,” because the low self-esteem is acting up again. For understanding that sex will always be different for me. And some days, difficult. For letting me sit in the chair facing the window in the restaurant. For living daily with...

Keep Reading

The Woman He Married Is Long Gone

In: Grief, Kids, Marriage
Young couple smiling

My husband has been married to at least five different women—and they’re all versions of me. His first wife was the 21-year-old version of me, who was a fit and focused college athlete. She was a driven, perfectionist dream-chaser. She was ready to push and sacrifice to chase the dream. No challenge was too hard—but then again, the hardest thing in her life was her organic chemistry final. She had the eternal optimism that comes with naivety and innocence. She loved him with eagerness and couldn’t wait to build a life with him. He often still daydreams of this first...

Keep Reading

Modeling a Healthy Marriage for Our Kids Matters

In: Kids, Marriage
Boy watching parents kiss

Sometimes he’ll whisper playfully to me, when I’m doting on the kids and not paying him much attention, “Hey, none of this, ya know,” gesturing to our boys, “would have been even remotely possible without me, the big D,” with a wink and a smirk. And I’ll smile involuntarily, roll my eyes, and concede, usually silently, that yeah, he’s got a point. A great point, actually. Without my (truly incredible) husband, without the two of us, there would be no family as we know it, no world as we know it.  It’s not about loving my husband more, nor is...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Love This Stage of Life With You

In: Marriage
Happy family of four

Dear husband, It’s no secret our love story has been long and bumpy. We have grown apart and back again many times throughout the years. But now we are entering a different time in our lives. Our children are no longer babies—they wouldn’t even be considered toddlers. I am loving this time with you. A time where we have more freedom to be silly, to play, to travel, and just sit with each other. The days before this were long. They were rocky. They were so stressful. RELATED: Dear Husband, There is a Table Waiting For Us There was never...

Keep Reading