So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

This day. March 21st.

One of the worst days of my year. Leading up to this day, my mind starts to drift away back in time . . . my heart starts to ache for days gone by . . . my soul just knows what day is coming.

I try to deny this is the case, but after nine years I’m tired of fighting it. Embracing this day and all of its awfulness is all I can really do anymore.

Nine years ago on this day, my beautiful mother took her last breath here on Earth.

RELATED: To Those Who Know the Bitter Hurt of Losing a Parent

I remember exactly how that day went and my subconscious likes to play it over and over on the movie reel in my mind even though I tell myself I don’t want to see it.

My personality doesn’t lend me to easily engage my emotions because once I do, it’s hard to stop. It’s so much easier to try to suppress all the feelings. But you can only do that for so long.

They say grief comes in waves, and oh, how true that is. I’ll just be going along in life when I feel the wave start to swell, and before I know it, it’s rolling me over and over under the water. It’s easy to let yourself be swept away by it.

It’s so easy to wallow in the sadness and just stay there for days and weeks.

I won’t let myself do that, though. Instead, I will probably just eat brownies for breakfast (which I’ve done), call my sisters on the phone and cry, lie in bed with my pajamas on and look at pictures for awhile.

RELATED: This is Grief

This post wasn’t meant for you to pity me or feel bad for me because really, what good is pity, anyway?

I want you to see the reason I am able to get past this day unscathed.

It’s God.

He has been my sustainer these past nine years. My comforter, my guide, my friend who sticks closer than a brother, my lighthouse on the shore when I feel the tide of grief pulling me out to sea.

It’s OK and healthy to grieve. But at some point, you have to stop letting the grief control how you live your life.

RELATED: God Crawls Into the Darkness With Us

This day will always be hard for me, I’m sure. This day, Mother’s Day, her birthday, Christmas. All the days she made special or that we celebrated her shooting star of a life. But God sustains and keeps me. I continually have to cast this care on Him. The best part is, He never grows tired of carrying it for me.

Some day I will get to see my comforter face to face. And the joy and beauty of that truth is that I will also get to see my mom that same day. The one who raised me, loved me, and taught me what it meant to follow Christ.

My heart fills with joy over that thought. My heart clings to that hope.

If you’re drowning under the wave of grief, don’t let it consume you.

Talk to someone. Pray. Talk to your pastor. Ask for help from your spouse or friend. Talk to me. I know what it means to lose your best friend and mom, so I’m sure I could be of help. But just don’t let it consume you. Give that care to God because He cares so much for you. Even if it means you have to give it over and over again.

Feel the sadness. Embrace it for a day.

But give it back to God the next and thank Him for His goodness.

Previously published on the author’s blog

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Danielle Henderson

Hi, I'm Danielle. I'm a busy mom of four and wife to a ministry man. I enjoy writing, creating, and playing with my family. 

I Buried My Heart with My Baby but God Brought Me Back to Life

In: Faith, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Woman in a sweater standing outside looking at sunset

Recently, my world felt as if it were crashing around me. I was so angry I think my rage could have burned a small village. Unfortunately, that rage was directed at God though I knew that wasn’t what I needed to be directing toward Him. He owed me nothing then, and He owes me nothing now; however, my heart was shattered, and for a while, it seemed as if my faith was crumbling with it. I stopped going to church. I stopped praying. I stopped all positive feelings and allowed myself to succumb to the pain and the anger. When...

Keep Reading

I’m Letting Go of My Toxic Mother

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss
Daughter holding mother's hand, color photo

My mom died. She died, but I became free. For the very first time in my life, I’m not worried about what stories and lies she’s spreading about me. Even though we lived thousands of miles apart from each other, she had everyone around me in the palm of her hand. They believed her. I was a horrible child, rebellious teenager, and spiteful adult.  You see, I was never good enough for her. Her fantasy of what she believed a daughter ought to be is something I simply could never live up to. When I realized the behavior was transferring...

Keep Reading

My World Stopped When I Lost My Dad

In: Grief
Sad woman placing a white flower on a closed casket

I think it’s safe to say we have all dealt with grief. If you haven’t, count your blessings. I, like so many of us, have traveled on the road of grief . . . an unpleasant walk. After several losses, I have been on different sides of grief. When your friend loses a grandparent, you mourn with them, for them, for yourself, for their family. But it doesn’t quite affect your everyday life. When your spouse loses an aunt after an illness. When your spouse loses an uncle in a motorcycle accident, you mourn the loss of a kindhearted man....

Keep Reading

It’s the Flower Food Packet that Hurts

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Flowers on a headstone

It’s the flower food packet that gets you. That little plastic packet with the powder that keeps your flowers alive longer. The little packet you know you’ll never use because these flowers aren’t going in a vase. They’re going on the ground. RELATED: The Impossible Grief of Child Loss Hurts Forever Buying flowers for my baby’s grave is a normal process for me. Every so often, and especially around the time of year we lost our boy, I grab a bunch at our local grocer. I lay them carefully on top of where his very tiny body was laid to...

Keep Reading

How Do You Say Goodbye to Your Mother?

In: Grief, Loss
Sad woman sitting on edge of bed

Sitting at a McDonald’s table in Charleston, SC, I looked down at my ill-fitting shirt and shorts. Stress had taken its toll, and most of my clothes now hung off me. I should have worn something else I thought, but how do you pick out an outfit for saying goodbye to your mother? I reached up and felt my earrings. They were hers and seemed right. That was something at least.   Within the hour, my family and I would come together to take my mom off life support. It was Good Friday and I managed to secure an Episcopal priest...

Keep Reading

This Is How to Show Up for a Friend Who Has Cancer

In: Cancer, Friendship, Living
Bald woman during cancer treatments and same woman in remission, color photo

One moment I was wrestling with my toddler and rocking my 3-month-old to sleep, and the next I was staring blankly at the doctor who just told me I had stage four cancer that had metastasized from my uterus to my left lung and spleen. “Well, I didn’t see that coming,” I smiled at the young doctor who had clearly never given this kind of news to anyone before. I looked over at my husband’s shell-shocked face as he rocked our baby back and forth in the baby carrier because I was still nursing, and we knew we’d be at...

Keep Reading

All I Have Left Are Dreams of My Mother

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Mother holding infant, older color photo

I had a dream about my mom last night. It’s rare when this happens but last night’s dream was unlike any I’ve ever experienced. I was at a party, and she just walked in. It was so vivid. She sat down in a chair, looking so beautiful, so young, her eyes so very blue. She was so full of light, something I hadn’t seen in a while. I just looked at her, stunned, and gasped. I said, “Are you here? Are you real?” I couldn’t believe this was happening. Just like that she got up, grabbed me, and hugged me...

Keep Reading

I Miss the Little Moments with My Mom the Most

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss
Woman sitting on floor by couch looking sad

You think it’s going to be the big holidays that are hard. The first Thanksgiving without her. The first Christmas. Maybe even her birthday. But it’s not the big days that bring you to your knees. It’s all the little moments in between. It’s cooking a family recipe and not being able to call her to ask a question about the directions. It’s looking down and realizing you’re using the Tupperware you stole from her and knowing you can’t return it even if you wanted to. RELATED: My Mom is Never Coming Back To Get Her Shoes It’s talking about...

Keep Reading

“It Can Wait.” What I’ve Learned about Doing Too Much after My Mom Died Young

In: Grief
Family posed for photo outside

My mom died at the age of 45. Yes, just 45.  Around Mother’s Day, the reality of just how young she was hits me hard. As a mother of two young boys, I’m evaluating my own motherhood journey and in the absence of my mom, trying to give myself some sound advice for this next year.  My mom was a family doctor. She got her MD at the University of Pennsylvania and a Master’s from Johns Hopkins University. Brilliant, most would say. She was in generally good health, petite, never smoked, never had more than a glass or two of...

Keep Reading

Time Doesn’t Make Mother’s Day Hurt Any Less

In: Grief, Grown Children, Living
Grave stone that says "mother" with a yellow flower

I’ve been in this motherless daughter club for over a decade now. Most of the time, that still seems strange to say out loud. I’m far from the firsts without my mom. However, what I have learned, is that there are certain experiences, certain days, and certain moments that you can’t put a timeframe on. These are the times that hurt for so much longer than just that initial grief period. Big moments without my mom—anniversaries, birthdays, special days—but the one I like to believe weighs the most and hits the hardest year after year is Mother’s Day. RELATED: Mother’s...

Keep Reading