I Forgave Him And I Will Do It Again And Again

Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

I forgive you.

These words came out of my mouth suddenly. Unexpectedly. Unintended. In the midst of crying and pain, I said these three simple words. Simple but powerful words. The churning and clenching in my stomach stopped. The shaking subsided. Calmness overcame me. I said them again. Louder. Clearer. Steadier.

I meant it.

Years ago, I held on to things. Emotions, especially. Anger. Hurt. At times, making myself the victim. I cradled grudges close to my chest. A sort of armor. Proud to bear them. Never understanding the weight I was carrying. I would bring up past transgressions in arguments with my spouse, friends, and family. Consistently reminding them what they did to me. Their behavior has hurt me long ago and still does. I would use my words to cut them down to feel superior. Look at the mistake you made.

Oh silly, silly me.

I would like to blame it on immaturity and selfishness. But really it is because I didn’t understand. I didn’t really know. You see, I am a sinner, no better or cleaner than anyone else. I hurt them just as badly as I was hurt. Because, I held on. I collected each and every one of these infractions. Arsenal to use again. Yet, I have someone who forgives me every single time. He loves me and He forgives me. Completely.

I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. -Isaiah 43:25

The moment I knew my marriage was over, I made a decision. I did not want to live in bitterness and hate. I was not going to. However, I didn’t know how I was going to do this. So I started to pray. Praying led me to a bible study. Which led me to fellow Jesus loving friends. Which lead me to church. Which led me to the Bible. And the Bible opened my heart and eyes to a way of life I never knew about. Love, compassion, forgiveness, strength, sacrifice, mercy, hope, identity, purpose.

Nevertheless, I did not know if I could forgive. How can I forgive someone I loved so much yet hurt and betrayed me so deeply? How can I ever be okay with what happened? I didn’t know if I even want to forgive. Because, I believed that forgiveness was about him. About that other person. About forgiving and forgetting. About forgiveness meaning what happened was okay.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -Ephesians 4:31-32

When those three words were said, I knew they were true. And I knew God was in my heart speaking to me. The weight I had been carrying (along with so much else) was lifted. Forgiveness is not just about the other person, but myself as well. Forgiveness is about my relationship with God and His son Jesus. Forgiveness is my salvation into eternal life. Forgiveness is my way of moving forward in my faith. Forgiveness is moving forward. Forgiveness is releasing the anger and bitterness. Forgiveness is freeing. Forgiveness is loving in spite of what is.

Forgiveness has so many wonderful benefits and emotions tied to it. I can’t describe the relief I felt or inner strength I felt when I extended it. However, forgiveness is not easy or a one time thing. I pray everyday to continually forgive. Over and over again. Just as God forgives me. It is not an act. It is an attitude.

Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No!” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven!”-Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness is not forgive and forget. I will never forget what happened. I am not condoning the behavior or actions. Forgiveness is me putting it all into God’s hands. Relieving me from making the decision of a person’s eternal fate. I was carrying the weight of someone else’s sins and consequences. Mine are heavy enough. I forgave even when they didn’t ask for it. Or even care to have it. Why? Because I don’t want to live in the past. Chained to what happened. I turn to God. And He released me. Freeing ME. He is the only one. He is the One.

Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner. -unknown

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. -Matthew 6:14

Friends, I can honestly tell you I was nothing before God. He has changed me. My heart. My attitude. My actions. For I am loved more than I will ever know by someone who died to know me. Jesus died a horrible, painful death because HE loves me. Even when I sin. Even when I make mistakes. Even when I question Him. Even when I don’t believe. Even when I curse Him.

And because of this love, I can forgive. I forgive for me. I forgive for my sons. I forgive because Christ forgives me.

You can too. Turn to Him. Trust in Him. Love Him. When you start with Him, every time, you will be set free. Over and over again.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. -Psalm 143:8

I have a long way to go. Forgiveness is not immediate. There is that lingering feeling of holding on to the transgressions. Yet, with faithful prayer and guidance from my Lord, I can work to have it on my heart. Then on my mind. Then on my lips.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now

So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Her View Shop

forgive forgiveness

Katie Weber

Me. My two little men. My second change. Motherhood. Depression. Divorce. Love. God. laugher. Friendship. My lovely. It's all right here. Follow along for more at Lovely in the Dark.

Going to Church with Kids is Hard but We’ll Keep Showing Up

In: Faith, Motherhood

Going to church is hard with young kids. It used to be something I looked forward to. It’s something I’ve always valued deeply and needed desperately. It’s the one place that will always be home regardless of what location or building it’s in or what people attend. Church is my sanctuary. But it’s become a battle with the kids’ resistance, my tired mind and body, and my lack of ability to actually listen to the sermon. Going to church is hard with young kids. It’s become normal for me to lie down in bed on Saturday night thinking, with dread,...

Keep Reading

I’m Praying for My Teenager in These Challenging Years

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen

Teen boy holding a smartphone and wearing headphones

In my mid-40s, I began to long for a baby. We didn’t get much encouragement from friends and family. My husband is a high-functioning quadriplegic, and I was considered way too old to start a family. But our marriage was stable, we were used to obstacles, we were financially prepared, emotionally experienced, and our careers were established. I began to paint my own sublime mental portrait of parenting tranquility. What could go wrong? At 48, I delivered a healthy baby boy, and he was perfect. We adored him. The baby we had longed for and prayed for, we had. And...

Keep Reading

When Motherhood Feels Like a Limitation

In: Faith, Motherhood

Twenty-one years ago, my husband Troy and I welcomed our first son into the world. Two years later, I gave birth to another boy. And again two years later, and again two years after that. A fifth boy joined our family another two years later, and a final son was born 11 years after we began our parenting journey. If you were counting, you’re not mistaken—that’s six sons in just over a decade. We were overjoyed and more than a little exhausted. I remember feeling frustrated with the limitations of the little years with young children when I was a...

Keep Reading

The Day My Mother Died I Thought My Faith Did Too

In: Faith, Grief, Loss

She left this world with an endless faith while mine became broken and shattered. She taught me to believe in God’s love and his faithfulness. But in losing her, I couldn’t feel it so I believed it to be nonexistent. I felt alone in ways like I’d never known before. I felt helpless and hopeless. I felt like He had abandoned my mother and betrayed me by taking her too soon. He didn’t feel near the brokenhearted. He felt invisible and unreal. The day my mother died I felt alone and faithless while still clinging to her belief of heaven....

Keep Reading

Jesus Meets Me in the Pew

In: Faith

I entered the church sanctuary a woman with a hurting and heavy heart. Too many worries on my mind, some unkind words spoken at home, and not enough love wrapped around my shoulders were getting the best of me. What I longed to find was Jesus in a rocking chair, extending His arms to me, welcoming me into his lap, and inviting me to exhaust myself into Him. I sought out an empty pew where I could hide in anonymity, where I could read my bulletin if I didn’t feel like listening to the announcements, sing if I felt up...

Keep Reading

Can I Still Trust Jesus after Losing My Child?

In: Faith, Grief, Loss

Everyone knows there is a time to be born and a time to die. We expect both of those unavoidable events in our lives, but we don’t expect them to come just 1342 days apart. For my baby daughter, cancer decided that the number of her days would be so many fewer than the hopeful expectation my heart held as her mama. I had dreams that began the moment the two pink lines faintly appeared on the early morning pregnancy test. I had hopes that grew with every sneak peek provided during my many routine ultrasounds. I had formed a...

Keep Reading

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

Mad Martha, Mary, Mom, and Me

In: Faith, Living

Woman wrapped in a blanket standing by water

As a brand-new, born-again, un-churched Christian fresh in my new faith with zero knowledge of the Bible, I am steaming, hissing mad when I first read these words from Luke 10:38-42: “Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell...

Keep Reading

I Can’t Pray away My Anxiety But I Can Trust God to Hold Me through It

In: Faith, Living

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid. I was scared of people, of speaking, and even of being looked at. As I got older, I worried about everything. I was aware of the physical impact that stress and worry have on our bodies and our mental health, but I couldn’t break the cycle. I declined invitations and stuck with what I knew. Then we had a child who knew no fear. The person I needed to protect and nurture was vulnerable. There was danger in everything. It got worse. He grew older and more independent. He became a...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood

Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading