I Forgave Him And I Will Do It Again And Again

The Sweetest Mother's Day Gift!

I forgive you.

These words came out of my mouth suddenly. Unexpectedly. Unintended. In the midst of crying and pain, I said these three simple words. Simple but powerful words. The churning and clenching in my stomach stopped. The shaking subsided. Calmness overcame me. I said them again. Louder. Clearer. Steadier.

I meant it.

Years ago, I held on to things. Emotions, especially. Anger. Hurt. At times, making myself the victim. I cradled grudges close to my chest. A sort of armor. Proud to bear them. Never understanding the weight I was carrying. I would bring up past transgressions in arguments with my spouse, friends, and family. Consistently reminding them what they did to me. Their behavior has hurt me long ago and still does. I would use my words to cut them down to feel superior. Look at the mistake you made.

Oh silly, silly me.

I would like to blame it on immaturity and selfishness. But really it is because I didn’t understand. I didn’t really know. You see, I am a sinner, no better or cleaner than anyone else. I hurt them just as badly as I was hurt. Because, I held on. I collected each and every one of these infractions. Arsenal to use again. Yet, I have someone who forgives me every single time. He loves me and He forgives me. Completely.

I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. -Isaiah 43:25

The moment I knew my marriage was over, I made a decision. I did not want to live in bitterness and hate. I was not going to. However, I didn’t know how I was going to do this. So I started to pray. Praying led me to a bible study. Which led me to fellow Jesus loving friends. Which lead me to church. Which led me to the Bible. And the Bible opened my heart and eyes to a way of life I never knew about. Love, compassion, forgiveness, strength, sacrifice, mercy, hope, identity, purpose.

Nevertheless, I did not know if I could forgive. How can I forgive someone I loved so much yet hurt and betrayed me so deeply? How can I ever be okay with what happened? I didn’t know if I even want to forgive. Because, I believed that forgiveness was about him. About that other person. About forgiving and forgetting. About forgiveness meaning what happened was okay.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -Ephesians 4:31-32

When those three words were said, I knew they were true. And I knew God was in my heart speaking to me. The weight I had been carrying (along with so much else) was lifted. Forgiveness is not just about the other person, but myself as well. Forgiveness is about my relationship with God and His son Jesus. Forgiveness is my salvation into eternal life. Forgiveness is my way of moving forward in my faith. Forgiveness is moving forward. Forgiveness is releasing the anger and bitterness. Forgiveness is freeing. Forgiveness is loving in spite of what is.

Forgiveness has so many wonderful benefits and emotions tied to it. I can’t describe the relief I felt or inner strength I felt when I extended it. However, forgiveness is not easy or a one time thing. I pray everyday to continually forgive. Over and over again. Just as God forgives me. It is not an act. It is an attitude.

Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No!” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven!”-Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness is not forgive and forget. I will never forget what happened. I am not condoning the behavior or actions. Forgiveness is me putting it all into God’s hands. Relieving me from making the decision of a person’s eternal fate. I was carrying the weight of someone else’s sins and consequences. Mine are heavy enough. I forgave even when they didn’t ask for it. Or even care to have it. Why? Because I don’t want to live in the past. Chained to what happened. I turn to God. And He released me. Freeing ME. He is the only one. He is the One.

Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner. -unknown

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. -Matthew 6:14

Friends, I can honestly tell you I was nothing before God. He has changed me. My heart. My attitude. My actions. For I am loved more than I will ever know by someone who died to know me. Jesus died a horrible, painful death because HE loves me. Even when I sin. Even when I make mistakes. Even when I question Him. Even when I don’t believe. Even when I curse Him.

And because of this love, I can forgive. I forgive for me. I forgive for my sons. I forgive because Christ forgives me.

You can too. Turn to Him. Trust in Him. Love Him. When you start with Him, every time, you will be set free. Over and over again.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. -Psalm 143:8

I have a long way to go. Forgiveness is not immediate. There is that lingering feeling of holding on to the transgressions. Yet, with faithful prayer and guidance from my Lord, I can work to have it on my heart. Then on my mind. Then on my lips.

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

forgive forgiveness

Katie Weber

Me. My two little men. My second change. Motherhood. Depression. Divorce. Love. God. laugher. Friendship. My lovely. It's all right here.

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

In: Faith, Living

Insecurity is something we all carry in one form or another. For me, it has probably always looked confident and outgoing from the outside. But internally, it can feel heavy, complicated, and exhausting at times. And when someone comes along whose behavior reinforces those insecurities, it amplifies what was already there. There was someone I had hoped to genuinely connect with, but it was clear from the start that the feeling wasn’t mutual. From the beginning, their wall was up. No matter how kind I tried to be or how carefully I showed up, it never came down. Their distance...

Keep Reading

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

In: Faith

Woman walking in field with hand in wheat

Hannah knew what it was like to feel forgotten. She often clutched her empty womb and thought Surely the Lord has forgotten me. She knew the bitter sting of feeling isolated and alone. She knew the anguish of praying day after day after day and seeing no fruit, not even a bud, from her faithfulness. Hannah knew what it was like to feel like the weight of the world was on her, and her hope may have dwindled. Even those around her did not offer encouragement. Quite the opposite—they did their best to sow seeds of discouragement. Yet Hannah pressed...

Keep Reading

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood

“Ahhh!” My underwater scream garbled in my snorkel tube as the manta ray’s cavernous mouth swept a hand’s distance from my face. My fingers tightened around the surfboard until my knuckles ached. My arms trembled. I jerked my head side to side, searching for my daughters, Mia and Megan. Recent college graduates, they had joined me on one last mother-daughter vacation before launching their adult lives. They floated easily on the vibrant Hawaiian water, relaxed, trusting. I wanted to borrow their calm. Earlier, our guide had explained that the LED lights built into the surfboard attracted plankton the way college...

Keep Reading

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

In: Faith, Motherhood

My pastor frequently speaks of “kid pain” and acknowledges there’s nothing like it. I can testify to that. After nine months of uncertainty and unexplained issues following the birth of our now 4-year-old daughter, Harlow, we finally received her diagnosis of Pyruvate Dehydrogenase Complex Deficiency (PDCD), a life-limiting mitochondrial disease with no cure and no FDA-approved treatments. It was heartbreaking. In moments like these, a parent can fall into complete desperation. You go through a range of emotions almost too fast to name: fear for your child’s life; anxiousness about how much time you’ll get with them; overwhelming grief. And...

Keep Reading

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

In: Faith

There have been many times over the years when I’ve heard others share stories of how the Lord spoke to them or gave them a sign. Seashells scattered along a sandy beach, numbered to represent how many children they would have. A quiet walk in the park, followed by a clear sense that another little one was coming. What a blessing, I think, when I hear and read their stories. I often wonder how much more faith they must have than I do—to know with such certainty that what they heard was truly God speaking. I listen, I smile, and...

Keep Reading

God Holds You As You Hold Everyone Else

In: Faith, Motherhood

Mother holding toddler daughter on her hip, standing outside

She stands in the kitchen, hands trembling over the sink, tears she cannot let fall pressing behind her eyes. The world outside her window is quiet, but inside her heart there is a storm she cannot name. She is hurting, not because she does not love her life, but because somewhere along the way she forgot how to breathe inside it. Yet even in her pain, little voices call her name. Tiny hands tug at her shirt. Lunchboxes need packing, homework needs checking, hearts need holding. And so she wipes her face, forces a smile, and whispers a quiet prayer:...

Keep Reading

Yes, I Know Fear—but I Also Know Faith

In: Faith, Motherhood

Mother holding child's hands in hospital bed

The night my daughter woke up screaming at 3 a.m., I knew something was wrong. Her cry wasn’t the half-asleep whimper of a bad dream. Instead, it was pain—raw and sharp. Within an hour, we were rushing to the emergency room, the world outside our headlights still wrapped in darkness. Tests, scans, questions, and then the words no parent ever wants to hear: “We’re transferring her to another hospital by ambulance. She needs surgery right away.” They said “torsion.” They said “tumor.” They said “appendix.” I nodded, because that’s what mothers do. We stay steady, even when our hearts are...

Keep Reading

10 Years after My Mother’s Death, Her Faith Still Guides Me

In: Faith, Grief

Growing up, I was a reluctant Catholic. My mother would drag us to church, and I’d go through the motions—fingers moving across rosary beads without really feeling the prayers. But she never stopped. Sunday Mass, daily prayers, devotions to the Blessed Mother. She was relentless in her faith, not because she was trying to force it on us, but because she genuinely believed we would need it someday. She was right. My mother died of stage 4 colon cancer in 2012. My brother and I watched her suffer, saw how her body betrayed her, watched as treatments failed. And here’s...

Keep Reading

Finding God in the Middle of Disbelief: A Mom’s Journey through Faith and Fear

In: Faith

Mother holding hand of young child, silhouette

“But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior; so my persecutors will stumble and not triumph over me.” – Jeremiah 20:11 God, thank You for making sure my son is okay. Thank You for this just being paranoia. I believe in You. I believe in Your control. I believe. I believe. I believe. These words streamed through my head as my husband drove us downtown to visit our first specialist with our 4-month-old son, Maximus. Our pediatrician had written me off, but I could not ignore the feeling in my bones that something was wrong. Tiny, hard bumps...

Keep Reading

In Praise of Indebtedness: How Threads of Reciprocity Weave Us Together

In: Faith, Living

It all started with tomatoes. After we moved, a neighbor invited us to pick from the abundance in her and her husband’s gardens. In return for a pile of tomatoes gathered from their raised beds, I left a plastic bag of homegrown pumpkins on their porch. Later that summer, our neighbor stopped by with a recycled container full of still more fruits. By the fall, we were sharing chili and cookies over dinner at our place. Threads of indebtedness were weaving us together. For most of my life, the idea of indebtedness has tasted rather repulsive on my tongue. The...

Keep Reading

Boy Mom Times 4 - I'm Running a Frat House

Kids

Boy Mom Times 4 - I'm Running a Frat House

The Greatest Honor Of My Life Was Being His Wife

Grief

I Forgave Him And I Will Do It Again And Again

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Katie Weber

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

God Holds You As You Hold Everyone Else

Yes, I Know Fear—but I Also Know Faith

10 Years after My Mother’s Death, Her Faith Still Guides Me

Finding God in the Middle of Disbelief: A Mom’s Journey through Faith and Fear

In Praise of Indebtedness: How Threads of Reciprocity Weave Us Together

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

I Forgave Him And I Will Do It Again And Again

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

God Holds You As You Hold Everyone Else

Yes, I Know Fear—but I Also Know Faith

10 Years after My Mother’s Death, Her Faith Still Guides Me

Finding God in the Middle of Disbelief: A Mom’s Journey through Faith and Fear

In Praise of Indebtedness: How Threads of Reciprocity Weave Us Together

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like