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I am and always will be a self-described mini-train wreck. I’m disorganized, have trouble keeping my house clean, and my kids aren’t perfect angels. In my home, we have fights, slammed doors, foul language, and dirty dishes in the sink. 

I sometimes go in the bathroom and cry so hard my mascara streaks down my cheeksthat is, when I wear mascara. Usually sans makeup and hair tied with an old scrunchy is the look I often rock. 

I’m notoriously terrible about making appointments for myself, I’m constantly tired, and my nails could stand a good manicure. 

I’m overweight, and I struggle with depression, ADHD, and keeping a minimum balance in my checking account. 

But of all the negative things I am, there are way more positive aspects of me. I just wish my family could see them. 

If you took the time to know me, you would find out I’m kind, patient, and loving. My heart is so full of love for my children, my parents, siblings, and friends. If you knew me, you would learn I’m comical, relying on humor to get through the tough days. Empathy is another trait I am proud of as well as my excellent interpersonal skills. 

RELATED: To the Toxic People of My Past: I No Longer Believe Your Lies

Sitting down and writing about the good stuff that makes me, well . . . me, feels a little awkward, but I just want my family to see the positive person I am. 

I work hard, holding down two jobs, both in the healthcare industry because I’m good at helping people. I also try to squeeze in time to write articles that sometimes get published. It’s a huge thrill when I get that acceptance letter and an even bigger thrill when people reach out, telling me my words resonated with them. 

Not to brag, but I’m pretty adorable too. My eyes are big and bright, my lips full and sensual, and my skin glows. I may be overweight, but I refuse to hate my body. And why should I? I go to the gym so I can get stronger and be healthy, and I love how my curves look in my favorite bathing suit. I see a beautiful, body-positive mermaid, but my family sees something that needs to be fixed. 

Of all the things I am, a proud mother is definitely at the top of my list. Are my kids sometimes heathens? You betcha. But there is so much more than meets the eye. I’ve worked hard to raise my children with love in their hearts and to treat people the way they want to be treated. So yes, my son has hurled F-bombs at me, but on the other side of the coin he has rendered me speechless with his loyalty and love. 

RELATED: Hey Moms, Lose the Weight

It’s really tiresome convincing someone you are worthy and good and lovable despite the mistakes you make. I can’t tell you what a blow to self-esteem it is when you constantly have to defend yourself and your actions to family members. Some days I feel like screaming and waving a sign that says, “I Swear I’m Not Crap!” 

I try not to let this break me down. I try to be strong and to continue loving and accepting myself. But man, sometimes it brings me to my knees. 

I just want my family to see the positive parts of me, not just the negative. 

I just want to be loved. 

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Claudia Caramiello

Claudia Caramiello is a certified pharmacy technician by day, freelance writer by night, mother of two teen sons both day and night. Hailing from New Jersey, she survives single motherhood on caffeine, humor, and listening to Twenty One Pilots. Her articles have been featured on Scarymommy, Bluntmoms, Sammiches and psych meds, Elephant Journal, and Moms & Stories. You can find her on Facebook at Espresso & Adderall and read more from Claudia on her blog, https://wordblush.com/

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