And then you grew.
Just like that.
I tried so hard to hold on to every moment. To breathe in your sweet baby smell while you were snuggled on my chest. To slow down and enjoy these moments because I knew how fast it would go. I see how fast time goes daily with your siblings.
But then I tried to put on your sweet newborn PJs, the ones that remind me how small you are, and they didn’t fit. You grew just a little bit and I’m left wondering how that happened. How time could possibly go that fast. I’m left wondering if I held on enough, if I slowed down enough, and if I enjoyed enough.
Watching you grow is so bittersweet. I want to keep you little and close to my chest, I want to breathe in that sweet baby smell of yours, I want to be able to pick you up and hold you whenever I please. But one day . . . one day all too soon, you’ll be too big to hold close on my chest. Your legs instead will wrap around me and you’ll rest your head on my shoulder.
One day all too soon, that sweet baby smell will be gone and you’ll have you’re own scent I will be able to spot anywhere and smell on your clothes. One day all too soon I’ll have to find a new favorite outfit because the old one will be too small. One day all too soon you’ll be running down the hall with your brother and sister instead of being wrapped in a baby wrap on my chest as I attempt to get tasks done.
One day all too soon . . . you’ll grow.
And those moments will be full of wonder, laughter, and love. Those moments will be amazing and fill my heart with joy. But I’ll still deeply miss these moments, just as I do with your siblings. I miss them already and they aren’t gone yet.
So until then, little one, I’m going to continue to soak in the moments. Continue to hold you to my chest because you are convinced anywhere but is lava. I’m gonna hold on just a little longer during midnight feedings. I’m going to enjoy you and your littleness.
Because one day all too soon . . . you’ll grow.
Originally published on the author’s page