I am tired.
I’m tired of yelling, I’m tired of fights. I’m tired of correcting disobedience, I’m tired of reprimanding misbehavior. I’m tired of “staying on top of it”, I’m tired of consistency. I’m tired of daily battles, I’m tired of round after round in the ring.
I’m tired of devising creative consequences, I’m tired of following through with those consequences. I’m tired of finding new consequences when the old ones are no longer effective consequences.
I’m tired of whining, I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of door slams, foot stomps, tantrums, and glares.
Parenting is hard. Raising good kids is hard. Instilling character and values, teaching respect for others and respect for authority, imparting Godly wisdom and Biblical knowledge. It’s all so hard. And I’m exhausted.
Some days I just want to give in. (And some days I do. #honesty) I just want the yelling and the crying to stop. I want a day where I don’t have to do battle with my children. I want to sit back and rest. I want a break from having to be “on” 24/7.
Oh, the temptation is strong some days. I just want a break. This is too dang hard.
But it’s also too dang important.
It is too important that I raise men of character. Men who love God and love others. Men who obey God’s voice because they first learned how to obey their parents’.
It’s too important that they learn personal responsibility. That they know the value of hard work and servanthood. That they recognize their lives are about so much more than just them.
It’s too important that I mold and nurture them into men of character. Who act with decency and integrity. Who show love and kindness to those around them.
And that takes work. Daily decisions. Commitment and consistency day in and day out until the lessons are learned and their hearts are changed.
It takes resisting the (oh, so strong) urge to give in to their demands to silence the screams and restore the smiles.
It takes reaching deep, deep, deep into the recesses of what’s left of my strength and sanity and fishing out one more ounce. One more bit of resolve I didn’t know I had.
It takes keeping my eyes ever on the prize. Keeping the long view in front of me. Keeping my purpose in motherhood always at the forefront of everything I do.
Most of all, however, it takes a whole lot of prayer. Daily cries to God for more of His abundant, overflowing, never-going-to-run-out strength and wisdom. Releasing the reins of control and leaning back into His waiting arms whenever I’m convinced that this time is truly going to be the one that does me in.
And He is always faithful to sustain me. Because if I know how important it is that I do this job well, He knows it infinitely more. And He never expects me to do it on my own.
There are days that stretch me to my limit. Days that make me want to give up and that tempt me to quit. “I’m too tired to deal with this. It would be easier to just give in,” I think.
And I’m right. In the very short-term anyway, giving in to my kids’ demands and my own fatigue would be easier.
But I can’t.
Because this? This call from the Lord to raise godly men? It is too important to give up.