Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

Dear kindergarten mama,

I know your heart is hurting.

You look at the little person in front of you and you wish that, more than anything, you could change the circumstances of the world in which we are living right now.

You have been preparing for this huge milestone for a long time. But never in your wildest imagination did you ever think you would have to be talking about masks, and social distancing, and a deadly virus. Or preparing to break the news to your sweet little kindergartner they won’t be joining their friends at school this year.

This was just not how things were supposed to be.

RELATED: Dear Preschooler, This Was Supposed To Be Your Year, Too

Maybe it’s your oldest heading to kindergarten this year. You are new to the school experience, and you were already a bundle of nerves thinking about this new chapter in your child’s life. It will be a huge change for both of you. You already had so many questions before the start of the year, but now the list grows longer and longer each day as you try to process what school will actually look like.

Maybe it’s your middle child heading to kindergarten this year. You have already experienced being the new kindergarten mom—walking down the school hallway, holding tightly onto a little hand, getting your child settled into their seat, and pausing for a moment at the door as you look back at them with tears in your eyes. You know the weeks before school should be filled with excitement—picking out backpacks, new clothes, and a box of shiny new crayons. You have experienced the nerves, and you are familiar with the bitter-sweetness of this moment.

But you’ve never experienced the heaviness and uncertainty that now fills your heart when you think about the start of the school year.

Maybe it’s your baby heading to kindergarten this year. You wonder if you will even get a chance to take that sacred walk with them to their very first classroom. This moment was already going to be hard enough . . . letting go of this time of your life with little ones at home . . . sending your baby off to school. Now it feels almost unbearable.

As a kindergarten mama, you can’t imagine sending 5- or 6-year-olds into an environment where they have to wear masks all day, where they can’t sit near their classmates, or giggle with their friends during circle time. They shouldn’t have to worry about how close they stand to their classmates in line, or be unable to hug their teachers. Will they even get to have recess? Will they be able to laugh and play and just be a kid? You know their teachers will go above and beyond to make things feel normal at school, but will all of the restrictions negatively affect how they feel about being there? Will they get sick? Will they make others sick unknowingly?

RELATED: School Looks Iffy in the Fall and I’m Already Grieving

You wonder if distance learning is a better option, but you also worry about the consequences of keeping them out of school as well. Distance learning just isn’t the same as being in the classroom amongst their classmates. Maybe you work full-time and trying to facilitate distance learning while also holding down a full-time job seems impossible. Maybe you are a SAHM who wants or needs to get back into the workforce. Maybe you don’t have a choice but to send them, regardless of what school will look like.

Maybe none of the options your district is presenting seem all that appealing or feasible, and you just don’t know what the right answer is for your family or your child.

As the weeks of summer slip away, you wish you had more time.

More time to keep them innocent. More time before you have to make an extremely difficult decision. More time for the world to heal. But you know time is not on your side. Decisions will have to be made. The first day of school will be upon us soon. Our babies will be starting kindergarten.

RELATED: Dear Daughter, As You Head Off To Kindergarten

It might not look anything like we had planned or hoped for. These are moments we can’t get back. And that is hard to swallow.

Our kids are resilient. They will get through this and so will we.

But it’s OK to grieve. For our kids and for ourselves.

Your heart is hurting. Mine is hurting, too.

Sending you all the love,

A fellow kindergarten mama

P.S. Things may look a little different this school year, but Kindergarten is still an exciting milestone. The highly rated book, On The First Day of Kindergarten, is the perfect read for kids who are getting ready to start school.

Recommendations in this post contain affiliate links. Her View From Home may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Mary Ann Blair

Mary Ann Blair is a stay-at-home mom living in the Pacific Northwest with her two little gentlemen and hubs. She loves connecting with other parents who like to keep it real! Her work has been published on Her View From Home, Motherly, A Fine Parent, Perfection Pending, That’s Inappropriate, Pregnant Chicken, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Red Tricycle and in Chicken Soup For the Soul. She can be found at maryannblair.com or on Facebook at Mary Ann Blair, Writer.

Sometimes Love Means Slowing Down

In: Friendship, Kids
Two boys on bicycles riding to park, shown from behind

Think of something faster than a 7-year-old boy on a two-wheel bike. Maybe a race car at the drop of the checkered flag? Perhaps a rocket ship blasting into space? Or how quickly a toddler mom books it out of the house after being told she can have a hands-free hour ALONE in Target. Yes, all of these things are seriously speedy, but I have still never seen anything quite as quick as a boy on a bike on a sunny day with endless open track ahead of him. Until today. Today, my 6-year-old son wanted to ride bikes with...

Keep Reading

I Am a Wrestling Mom

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three young boys with wrestling medals, color photo

As the sun is rising on a frigid winter morning, a brave and determined group of athletes are weighing in at a high school gym. They are physically and mentally preparing for a long day spent at a tournament where they will spend only minutes wrestling, despite the hours they sit and wait all day. Their sport uses offense, defense, and mental strength unlike any other sport. My sons and nephew are wrestlers. They are part of a special team of athletes who work together but compete as individuals.           Their youth team is run by all volunteer coaches with...

Keep Reading

3 Ways to Help Your Firstborn Embrace Becoming a Big Brother

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Pregnant woman holding toddler son, color photo

My oldest son turned four right after his first brother was born. Four years of alone time with his parents. Four years of extra mommy time during the week. Four years of having toys to himself, extra attention from family members, and more. I didn’t plan a four-year age gap; it took our family a lot longer and a lot more help than we expected to have our second son, but age gaps aren’t everything. When my second son was finally on the way, I heard a lot of opinions about how our oldest son would feel once he finally...

Keep Reading

Dear Busy Sports Mom: It’s Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Mom watching soccer game, photo from behind

My daughter stands on the front porch every morning and waves goodbye to me as I pull out of the driveway to go to work.  She is 11, and recently eye-rolling, long sighs, and tears have become more commonplace in our daily interactions. But, there is also this: “Bye! Have a good day!” she calls to me in the quiet of early morning, neighbors not yet awake in their still dark houses. “You are AMAZING! You got this!” she continues in her little adult voice, sounding more like a soccer mom than a fifth grader.   Her hair is still a...

Keep Reading

Goodbye to the Baby Hangers

In: Kids, Motherhood
Shirt hanging from small hanger, color photo

You bought them when you first found out you were pregnant. It may have been one of the first items, actually, to hold all of the precious new clothes. The smallest ones in your household. Do you remember that first newborn onesie you bought? It was one of your favorites. You couldn’t fathom you would soon hold something so small that would fit into that onesie. You washed all of the new clothing in preparation and hung them up in your baby’s closet. You know the item. A miniature version of the ones in your closet. Baby hangers. “Do we...

Keep Reading

Take the Trip, You Won’t Regret It

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

Two years ago, in the middle of a snowy, windy, Colorado March, my husband and I made the spontaneous decision to road trip to Arizona with our three very young kids.  Even though I was excited, the nerves were so very real. Over the next couple of weeks, I literally lost sleep worrying about the logistics of our trip. My late-night mindless scrolling was replaced by searches like “traveling with toddlers” and “keeping kids entertained on road trips”. We already had our hands full chasing kids at home in a familiar setting. Were we crazy to think we could just...

Keep Reading

They’ll Remember the Love Most of All

In: Kids, Motherhood
Woman with kids from above, pregnant mother with kids hands on belly

You lie in bed at the end of a long day, the events of the day flashing back through your mind. You do this a lot—recap your day as a mama. How did you do? Did you maintain your patience? Did you play enough? Did you limit screen time? Did you yell less today than you did yesterday? You saw a really neat toddler activity in the group you’re a part of on Facebook . . . you should have done that with the kids. They would have loved it. There wasn’t enough time though, and you didn’t have all...

Keep Reading

He’s Slowly Walking Away with Footprints As Big As Mine

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Teen boy walking along beach shore

The true measure of a mother’s love is her willingness to wake up before the sun on vacation. On a recent trip to the shore, my youngest son begged to walk the beach at dawn to look for shells. So, I set my alarm, tumbled out of a warm, king-sized bed with extra squishy pillows, glared at my dead-to-the-world husband, and gently woke my 11-year-old. Without so much as a drop of coffee, we headed out into the morning, the sun still below the ocean horizon. With each step, I shed my zombie-like state and took in the quiet, salt-kissed...

Keep Reading

Dear Son, Raising You Right Is Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood
little boy walking in sunlit field

You were the baby who slept nights. You were the infant who quietly stacked blocks one on top of the other. You were the toddler who watched other kids go down the slide at the park 20 times before attempting it yourself. You were the preschooler who hunkered down quietly and patiently when meeting your grandmother’s chickens. So I assumed you would be a gentle boy. And you are.   And yet, now that you’re eight, I’m beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase, “Boys will be boys.” I had my first inkling that day when you were five...

Keep Reading

Are You Watching?

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood
Little girl playing goalie at soccer practice, color photo

I brought a book to my 7-year-old daughter’s soccer practice. To be honest, I was looking forward to one hour of time when I didn’t have to do anything but sit. No one would be asking me questions, and no one would need anything from me. I wasn’t in charge. So, I set up my lawn chair, got cozy, and opened the book. But then I happened to glance up as it was her turn to run a drill. The coach was passing each kid the ball for them to kick into the goal. She stepped forward, kicked, and made...

Keep Reading