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I’m a mom of four little ones. Enough said. Actually, there’s much more to me than the children that label my amazing vocation called motherhood, but for the good of my family, and society, I spend mostly every waking minute thinking, playing, and working with my children. It isn’t an easy job, but I honestly wouldn’t give it up for anything in this world. Yet, a long hot shower alone without any little ones knocking or tattle-tale screams from the other side of the door sounds quite tempting right now. More than a warm shower, I could really use a cup of hot coffee that didn’t have to be warmed up several times – the small things we give up for children. But these little sacrifices are exactly what motherhood is made of and what molds us into some of the best mothers that walk the earth. It’s whether or not we are willing to accept these personal sacrifices and for most of us, we are willing to accept anything thrown our way for the sake of our children.
The internet is flooded with articles about removing the “filters” and to stop “faking fine” and I whole-heartedly agree that our world has an unrealistic haze, but it isn’t completely bad either. Our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers had their own types of “filters” as they chose to make the best of their lives. There were plenty of tough days alongside the happy ones, but the only difference is that we have social media to overexpose the “filtered” lives of our friends, family, and even strangers. Generations ago, mothers were never concerned about the next Instagram image to post or whether their political views might infuriate half of their Facebook “friends.” But we live in quite a different world now. We can either accept the “filters” and understand what lies behind them or we can spend the rest of our lives complaining about our imperfect lives.
I personally appreciate the blogs and Instagram accounts that don’t have perfectly edited pictures. I value the “real” moments of family life with the smiles, laughter, and even occasional melt-downs. But all too often we see the “stop faking fine” pictures. The photos where mothers are trying to prove their imperfections, but honestly, it’s not necessary. We all have imperfections. I don’t need to see your messy laundry room each morning as you walk away with your cup of coffee with no intention of cleaning it. Instead, I appreciate a mom who owns her messy laundry room, but gives useful ideas for organizing the space. This is real life.
Motherhood isn’t meant to be an outlet to prove our imperfections, but an opportunity to grow as women. There are very few other vocations/careers that will make you humble, proud, ready to cry, and angry from a person who is a third of your height all within a thirty minute period. So, instead of only proving imperfections, let’s work to overcome them. Every now and again, it’s okay to pretend that everything is fine. As mothers, we have one of the toughest jobs, so let’s become role models for all who observe us, especially our children – the next generation. And remember, that sometimes, it’s okay to pretend that everything is “fine” for our own sanity. The messy laundry room or dirty dishes don’t always have to be the center of our stories to prove our credibility, because sometimes it’s okay to “fake fine” for the sake of our sanity.
I write a lot about my son being nonverbal. It is the most frustrating and challenging part of dealing with his autism for me. He was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at 21 months. The reality is that my son is almost five years old and cannot tell me things. There’s so much I want to know and so much he could share with me. I wish my son could tell me about his day. I wish my son could share his dreams with me. I wish when my son cried he had words to tell me why. I wish...
They tell you time passes quickly. But I didn’t understand. “Blink and you’ll miss it,” they said. But I didn’t understand. I knew time would take my baby and replace him with a man, but I didn’t know it would take the moments along with it. They said I’d miss it, but no one told me I’d forget. No one told me I’d forget the smell of your newborn head nestled into the crook of my neck. I remember you there, small and trusting, warm and soft. But the smell of your scalp is something I can’t recall. No one...
What will I do when you’re gone? In my not-so-finest moments of being a stay at home mom, I’ve fantasized about how wonderful life will be when my 2-year-old goes to school. To be honest, how much “better” I’ve convinced myself life will be. And if I’m extra honest with you? I’ve verbalized to my son how “I can’t wait for you to start preschool” in moments of sheer exhaustion. RELATED: I Need You to Nap But I Miss You When You Do Nevertheless, I fantasize. Oh, the chores I will accomplish. Oh, the exercising and years worth of self-care...
Being a new mom can be overwhelming, can’t it? This is especially true the first time around, but each time we bring a new baby home it’s almost like starting fresh. If I could have given new-mom me a little heads-up back then, it would have lightened my load for sure. Here are some of the most important insights I would have shared: Do not obsess over every minute detail about your baby’s nursing, pee and poop, and sleep schedules. I filled notebooks with these details. I worried about forgetting to write something down. I stressed about my baby eating...
Every single day when I walk my son Beckett up to his school and relinquish his hand over to a para, or teacher, or therapist, I find myself holding my breath. Every single day. Not because of the specific person he is going with, but because that person isn’t me. You see, with nonverbal Autism comes a whole list of worries. Food intake. Health and wellness. Overall safety (indoors AND out). But the number one thing that worries me each day is the fact that my child cannot speak up if he is being mistreated. We did the research before...
Growing up, I never pictured marrying a man whose past involved a previous marriage. I never imagined my first daughter having grown in my heart, but not in my womb. I never thought the first time someone called me “Mom” would be from the lips of a girl who was also so scared that she would receive backlash from her “real mom.” But here I am, six years into raising a beautiful and smart young lady, who is now a teenager coming into her own. And despite all the challenges I never saw myself enduring through, she is worth every...
For now, I’ll be your everything but someday that will change, my precious son. Someday you’ll find another who will change your world and become your everything. For now, I’ll hold your little hand, but one day your hand will be bigger than mine and you’ll cling to hers instead. For now, I’ll hold you tight when you don’t feel good, but someday you’ll run to another’s embrace to comfort you. For now, I’ll take all the wet, mushy kisses I can get because one day, kisses from mom will be replaced with kisses from her. RELATED: Dear Son, When...
Mama grief runs deep. It creeps in late at night, when she can’t sleep because she’s worried about every little detail from the day. The time she lost her temper. The show-and-tell item she forgot to pack. Rather than believe we’ve succeeded, we question every move we made, how we spent every minute, every chore we didn’t get to. And if grieving the day weren’t enough . . . every winter, grief sneaks in like a looming storm cloud. Maybe it’s the holidays, maybe it’s the earlier sundown—all I know is every winter I spend my nights lying in bed,...
This is not going to be an I see you story. I mean, there is a need for those posts, but this is not it. This is for the moms of daredevil, no fear, no limits, no pain, no gain kids. The moms of the YOLO toddlers who think they are invincible. The moms who say, “I’m not calling 911 if you get hurt.” And then pray like crazy their kid does not get hurt but also wondering if an injury bigger than a Band-Aid fix would help tame their wild child’s spirit. RELATED: In Defense of the Wild Child...
A prayer for my strong-willed child: I first need to pray for my patience as your parent. As the one who should keep her cool when you stare at me in defiance and stubborn demeanor. A mom who gets on your level and searches to understand your heart and need for independence. RELATED: My Strong Willed Child Challenges Everything, and One Day it Will Serve Her Well I pray you grow up strong in your beliefs. I pray we can model our lives in a way you are convicted when you see wrong and choose to do right. I pray...