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The character of the victim. That is what was being questioned in the rape case of a 19-year old Canadian woman who was “raped over a bathroom sink during a house party” in 2014. (CNN News) Federal Court Judge Robin Camp aimed multiple comments during the trial at the victim in a lackluster effort to pin blame on her inability to keep the rapist off of her.

Wait?!! She is supposed to keep the rapist from forcing himself onto her? Or rather, in his own words, she should have been able to “skew her pelvis” or push her bottom into the sink to avoid penetration.”

Well, ladies and gents, this guy just answered the question that everyone for centuries has been wondering: Just how DO women get raped?

I think it’s time we look at the definition of this hell of a word to really understand just what women have been doing wrong all these years. Prepare your mind to be blown!

Rape (per Webster himself) is “an act or instance of robbing or despoiling or carrying away a person by force; unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female.”

So, clearly, what we are looking at here is the issue of whether or not a woman should or should not ALLOW a man to force himself onto her or inside of her.

Is anyone else throwing up in their mouths a little bit at this completely sexist (and criminal) expectation of women?

Ladies, we apparently need to work on our fighting skills and carry a weapon on us at all times for those unexpected yet more likely than ever possibilities that a man can’t control where he thrusts his penis. I forgot, (and girls, let this be a lesson to you as well) that those little guys have a mind of their own. So, we shouldn’t blame them should we? They can’t help it after all.

But we, vulnerable women of all colors, shapes, and sizes, WE must “keep (our) knees together” as the judge so vividly told the victim in the courtroom.

So here’s what I learned from this deplorable case (and hopefully the judge is also learning a few things in his judicial council hearing):

  1. Getting drunk is fine and all for a group of guys at a frat party (cause it’s male bonding) but for a woman it’s reckless and could be misinterpreted as an invitation to have sex. Even Judge Camp says, “Young wom[e]n want to have sex, particularly if they’re drunk.” We should know better shouldn’t we? It’s funny how women are being held responsible for the actions of men (and have been for decades) yet men get acquitted for their actions because the woman’s drunkenness shows poor character.
  2. Be very careful to only accuse the man who raped you if you are sure that what he did was rape. After all, we women don’t know (without being told by a man) what should or should not be done to our bodies without our consent. Don’t we know by now (think Brock Turner) that women are merely here to give men pleasure? And if we are intoxicated or unconscious even, how are we really supposed to remember just what he did? Don’t you worry your pretty little heads about the inebriated state of the rapist, however. That’s his business and his business alone.
  3. Times, they are a’changin’. We can’t wear the things we used to wear back in the “olden days” because we just may find ourselves being mistreated by a man. In fact, being modest, in all of its 1950’s glory sure did a whole lot to deter men from putting their hands on the classically dressed woman. Let’s be sure to take a lesson from her and change our fashion ways- less dresses, more pants. Less red lipstick, more neutral shades. Come on girls, less is more!


With a heavy heart and a few razor blades in my back pocket, I come to you with a plea on behalf of women everywhere. DON’T LET THEM KEEP YOU DOWN. We can’t sit back and take it anymore in fear that we will be shamed or blamed. Those two words are overused and overrated. We women know who to call when we need a favor. Her name is Karma…and if I remember correctly, she’s a gal with a big ol’ attitude (a certain cuss word comes to mind) that has no problem making things right.


Image courtesy CNN

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Harmony Vuycankiat

Harmony is a proud Air Force wife and blessed mother of 4 children. Her heart’s cry is to love without limits and live without regrets. She plans to use her criminal justice degree to tangibly help marginalized women and children all over the world. Writing, singing, and running are her methods of soul therapy and Starbucks coffee is her happy juice. The quote that she lives by is, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I’ve used everything you gave me.’ ” (Erma Bombeck)

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