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Dear Husband, if I Don’t Make it Home

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By Anastasia Smothers

Dear husband,

Cesarean sections are a scary thing and I have this feeling that something is going to happen and I’m not going to come home from the hospital. I’m afraid that our children will be left without a mother and you will be left without a wife, somehow having to manage to go on for the both of us, for the sake of these beautiful children we have created.

If I do get called away from you, there are some things I want you to know.

I love you, so much. Every second of this hectic life together I have loved you—even when we fought; even when we struggled to forgive each other. In these years as husband and wife I have fallen even more in love with you and in love with the life we have together. If I die, I want you to know that I was truly happy and that I cherished every second with you. I still consider you to be the best thing that has happened to me. It is hard to believe that this beautiful life was the result of our meeting at work and striking up a conversation. I never would have imagined something so magnificent to come out of that.

You are my true soulmate and I knew that from the moment I met you. I am so grateful for this life you have given me and I appreciate everything you’ve done to make it possible. I never dreamed this was what my life could be like—to be this happy and to have found true love.

Most of all, I thank you for the gift of our children. I am a mother because of you and being a wife and mother was always my greatest wish. Because of you, I have everything I always wanted.

I want you to know that I need you to be strong for our children; they need you. They need you more now than they ever have. I know it will seem like an impossible task at first, but I will see you again someday. Just please don’t make that someday to be sooner than God had planned. Please don’t leave our children without a father, too. Please do this for me. You are not alone. There are so many people who love you and will want to help you get through this. Please let them. Don’t push them away.

I want you to be happy. I know that will take a long time and I also know that you may not forgive me for leaving you behind. But, please, find a way to be happy. I’m not going to tell you to get remarried . . . I honestly wouldn’t be able to if I were in your place. But if you want to, if that will make you happy, you have my blessing a thousand times over.

I want you to keep my memory alive to our children. Please don’t let them forget me. Every second of motherhood was worth it, even this. Tell them how much I love them and how much I wish I were there with them physically. I hope that they will keep me in their heart and alive in spirit.

All my love,
Your wife

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Anastasia Smothers

Anastasia is a mother of four children under four and a proud wife to a veteran. When not with her children, she works full -time and also has a part-time position as a substitute teacher.

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