Dear Husband, Save Some of Yourself For Me

Dear husband,

Your work ethic is one of the reasons I fell in love with you. You’re disciplined, determined, tougher than anyone I know. You motivate and encourage me in spaces I’d otherwise be lazy. I need those parts of you (even though they sometimes drive me crazy) to balance out my more “laid-back” parts, to put it nicely.

You are so dang good at what you do. And to be so good it takes time. Lots of time.

There are some days you walk through the door and I just know you’re worn out and have nothing left for us.

And it’s so hard because I know you’re tired. I see the weariness in your body. I see the heaviness in your eyes.

I know you woke up in the pitch black of morning. I know you probably spent the entire day putting out fires, using up every last bit of energy taking care of things I don’t even know about. I know you’d probably like to walk straight into our bedroom, turn off the lights, and just lie there, motionless. Alone.

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But here’s the thing. Even now after years of marriage and babies and life, I still want you, EVERY PART OF YOU, heart, mind, and soul.

So please, save some of yourself for me.

One of my biggest fears is waking up one day to find we’re strangers. Not because we didn’t love each other enough but because we were too tired to find each other.

I hate this feeling of distance, like you’re holding me at arm’s length, even if it’s just to protect me. Protect me from work. Protect me from hard stories. Protect me from the anxieties racing through your head.

No matter what, I love you. And I want to know you. ALL OF YOU.

I want to know everything.

I want to know your innermost thoughts and struggles and what you ate for breakfast.

I want to know your fears and doubts and also what Brian said that was so hilarious.

If there is something going on in your life, just something that happened in your day, even if it’s totally stupid or just a weird, funny story . . . gosh, I want to know. Not because it’s important but because I want to be a part of your life.

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I care about the mundane in your life and the everyday silly parts, because I care about YOU—and I want to know all I can. It fuels me. It draws me closer to you. I don’t want to live separate lives. I want to be ONE.

I hope you hear love in this more than criticism. I hope you hear me saying I love you so much, that my desire is to be more connected, which is a good thing. Please don’t hear me saying you’re not good enough or doing enough. That’s not it at all. If anything, you’re doing more than is humanly possible, and I question how you’re still standing some days.

I want to be your biggest supporter. Let me support you.

So save some of yourself for me, for the kids, for home. We love you so much.

Love,

Your wife

This post originally appeared on the author’s blog

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