The Marriage Secret That Changed Everything

I’ve found myself feeling so resentful toward my husband lately. Resentful of the long hours he is working right now. Resentful that he’s never home, which leaves me alone with our three kids—ages seven, four, and one—24/7. All moms undoubtedly can relate to how mentally and physically exhausted I am at the end of every day.

Don’t misunderstand me—I am SO flipping grateful he has a good job and that he is a man of integrity who works so hard to support his family.

I’ve been especially grateful for him for the last almost five years since I’ve become a stay-at-home mom. Grateful that he agreed to let me hang up my hat as the breadwinner of the family and trade it in for an apron to become the homemaker of the family. I am grateful I GET to do this.

Anyone who’s made that transition knows it comes with many challenges.

One of those challenges is this resentment.

I want to explain it a little more. It started eating away at me. I feel like I am the one making all the sacrifices—my time, my body, my career, my sanity—and I keep all the feelings in. This is not healthy or productive.

I keep it in until it has started bubbling to the surface, threatening to ooze out in a most unattractive way: anger, harshness, a short-temper. You get the ugly picture.
To try to help myself through this, I’ve been reading an amazing devotional, because Jesus is always the answer. “Midnight Lullabies—Moments of Peace for Moms” is a great book for moms of any age or stage of motherhood. One of the chapters specifically talks about these seasons of sacrifice.

It’s true that I tend to think in terms of “I”. But after reading this specific chapter, I shifted my focus to my husband, and to “we”.

It is a secret piece of advice that is no longer a secret. And it has changed everything.

I know my husband makes so many sacrifices, too. He is such a good dad. I know he wants to be home more. But I had never thought about the amount of trust it takes for him to leave me at home with the kids every day.

He trusts that I am raising them with our shared values. He is trusting me to teach them, nurture them, discipline them, help them to know Jesus, and show them enough love for the both of us during all the long hours he is away.

So, Husband, thank you for trusting me. Thank you for trusting me to take care of things at home so you can focus on things at work. I know it can’t be easy to walk out that door each morning, with one or more kids clinging to you, asking for one more hug, one more kiss.

I know it can’t be easy to be gone for so much of every day, watching our life at home through the pictures I text to you. We are outside, we bake, we go on picnics, we nap, we go to the park and the pool. We do chores and go on adventures. All while you are working.

Thank you for trusting me to teach them so many of life’s lessons while you are away. It takes a lot of confidence in your partner to leave each day knowing that the character of your kids is, many days, mostly up to me.

So much falls on me. So many daily decisions are on my shoulders. It’s a huge responsibility. And instead of feeling so much resentfulness, I feel mostly gratitude now.

This has changed so much in my marriage.

Instead of meeting my husband at the door with anger, I meet him with a tired smile and a, “How was your day?”

Don’t get me wrong—I still occasionally feel that resentment and use exercise as an outlet for my stress. Raising kids is hard no matter what. But remembering the huge amount of trust that my husband has in me means there is a visible change in my attitude toward him, and friends, THAT matters and makes a difference.

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