It’s 2:30 in the morning, and I should be sleeping. But, I can’t.
If I’m being honest, a lot of my lack of sleep these days comes from my own doing.
When the house gets quiet, my thoughts get louder.
Sometimes I can’t get to sleep, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours.
My brain just doesn’t want to stop sometimes. I don’t understand why I need to lay here and cringe about something embarrassing that happened to me years ago. Or why I need to shop on Amazon.
I don’t understand why my mom guilt creeps in. Wondering if I’ve somehow managed to ruin my kids because I didn’t coddle them enough when they skinned their knees—even though they stopped crying seconds after it happened. And vowing to be a better mother tomorrow.
I know I’m a good mother. I’m the one who was chosen because the Lord knew I could. And I know I can, too. He will not let me fail.
But sometimes late at night, doubt creeps in.
When you become a parent, it’s like you suddenly set an impossibly high bar for yourself. You want to give your kids the BEST life possible. But, all your kids need is for you to just do your best.
When you’re lying there in the middle of the night, though, thoughts of your failures as a parent start to flood your mind. Is my very best enough?
We have to retrain our thinking in these moments. We have to remind ourselves of our successes when thoughts of our failures try to take over.
Instead of, “The house is a wreck,” we should think, “It was fun watching the kids laughing and playing outside.”
Eighteen years is a long time to worry ourselves and lose sleep over every tiny little hiccup. Our kids have certainly not given it a second thought. We are doing our best. As long as we do that, we have nothing to worry about.
Previously published on the author’s blog