We’ve all seen the abundance of appreciation posts for moms. The posts that an adult daughter will share with her mother once she becomes a mother herself because she now understands all the dedication and love her mother gave her. We all know these beautiful posts that make your heart yearn for a mother’s love.
Well, not all of us get to share those posts, because we don’t have mothers who are actively involved. They’re very much alive and well, but choose not to be mothers.
I think it’s a wonderful blessing for all the mothers out there treading the waves of motherhood with their own mothers’ guidance, but I wouldn’t know what that’s like.
For those of us treading the waves of motherhood motherless, I see you and I feel it with you.
We don’t realize how much of a blessing it would be to have our mother’s guidance until we start a family of our own.
The day you find out you’re pregnant, the first person you want to call to seek advice about prenatal vitamins, morning sickness, food cravings, etc. is—guess who—your mother. Even if you haven’t had a healthy relationship with your mother in a very long time, the desire for that mother/daughter relationship creeps up on you. You think to yourself, if anyone can give me advice about bringing a child into the world, it should be the person who brought me into the world, right?
Well, no, not for us.
So that leaves you wondering . . . who is going to give me the motherly guidance that I so desperately desire? Who will I call for advice when it’s three o’clock in the morning and my newborn is miserable with colic? When my toddler is chewing on the table legs and pooping in the corner? When my teenager is going through puberty and won’t talk to me? I saw the beautiful blue plus sign on the strip, and I felt the heart-wrenching weight on my chest of having a mother who chooses not to be involved.
The first moment I truly realized and felt that my parenting journey would be motherless, I was in the delivery room having contractions and I didn’t have my mother there to give me advice. Wow, did it hit home that day, let me tell you. It could have easily been the hormones that were on overdrive because I was in labor with my first baby, or it could have just been that most of the mothers I know talk about how their moms were there for them through labor and helped them adjust after the baby went home. It was probably a combination of both of those, but it really hit me in full force that day.
I felt alone and like I had to embark on this new and exciting journey without anyone to guide me.
To give credit where it’s due, though, I have an amazing husband, who is extremely supportive and does what he can to relate, but the one thing he can’t do is be a woman who has experienced motherhood.
Now, the big question is, how do I get past this heartbreak that I won’t ever have a mom for any of my major motherhood milestones? I take it one day at a time.
I do have an incredible mother-in-law (bless her) who is actively involved with my family, which helps ease the pain a bit. I have friends (bless you all) who check in with me frequently because they know I’m treading these waters without a guide. I have an amazing husband (bless you, my love) who reaches out and listens to an endless amount of emotions that he doesn’t relate to, but he listens, so that helps on a major level. Most of all, I have faith that God is guiding me in His direction through my journey of motherhood, and He is the ultimate guide. I get through the heartbreak by surrounding myself with supportive people to fill the void.
If you can relate to this feeling, this punch in the gut feeling of experiencing motherhood without your own mother, then this one’s for you, and I feel the pain with you.
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