I’ve always struggled with confidence. Ever since I was little, I remember being insecure about how I looked. I wasn’t overweight as a child or a teenager, but I had a larger build than most girls. Thus, I thought I was fatwhen in fact I was just different.

When I was really young, I had a wild imagination and loved pretend play and once I started school, other kids found me to be weird. I was made fun of and didn’t have friends because of it. So I eventually believed I was weird, too.

I threw away my Barbies and quit wanting to be an actress and made myself as “normal” as I could be. I stuffed down any eccentric or goofy behavior. I dieted from an early age, I cried in dressing rooms because I looked different in a bathing suit than other girls.

I wanted so badly to mold myself into what I thought I should be.

Fast forward to adulthood. I still struggle with body image issues. I still get insecure if I feel I’ve acted too goofy or made a fool of myself. Pretty much, if I have been anything but perfect, I spend hours beating myself up about it.

This need for perfection in my life trickled over into motherhood as well. I beat myself up for things about my pregnancy and birth I had no control over. Then I found myself comparing myself to other mothers, from postpartum bodies to how they put their babies to sleep at night. But in the last few weeks, I have had an aha moment . . . 

My daughter doesn’t need perfect. She just needs me.

RELATED: Our Children Don’t Need Us to Be Perfect, They Just Need Us to Love Them

She doesn’t care what size I am, and honestly, she never will. Heck, she loves when I’m goofy and over-the-top.

The way she smiles at me is indescribable. We catch each other’s eyes, and she smiles so big my heart could burst. She doesn’t see a single flaw. She doesn’t even know flaws exist yet. Her innocence and purity are magical. And I realize, why don’t I see myself the way my daughter sees me? Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what matters the most?

She isn’t tainted by my insecurities yet. I haven’t accidentally influenced her to be negative about self-image. That’s later down the road if I’m not careful. And with all of my heart, I don’t want that to be the case.

RELATED: Dear Daughter, Do Not Be Perfect

I want my daughter to think of me as strong, confident, and happy. I admit I am not always those things. I struggle with my own demons with depression and PPD. But man, what a wonderful world we would live in if we lived up to the superheroes our children believed us to be?

So when she looks at me with her big blue eyes and toothless smile, or I’m rocking her to sleep because she’s teething and just needs her mommy, I feel like I am in a different dimension. Where nothing matters, save the time we are spending together. In those moments, I am reminded I need to love myself the way she does. I need to see myself the way she sees me.

What truly matters is the time we take to be present with our littles. They don’t care what we look like, or dress like, or if we act too goofy (well, not until they’re teenagers anyway).

I don’t want to waste precious time worrying about being perfect.

And once you have children, you realize time really is precious. Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t be healthy or take pride in what we look like. But the self-loathing and comparison HAS to stop. I’m talking about the time wasted in hating my body or beating myself up for something I said. The time wasted trying to be perfect.

To them, we are perfectimperfections and all. So let’s be inspired by their intoxicating smiles and breathtaking innocence, and in turn, learn to love ourselves. And then when they grow up, hopefully, they don’t need to read as many self-help books as we did.

Previously published on the author’s blog

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Alyssa Hurlbert

I live in Northern California with my husband and our two kids. Writing has always been healing for me, and when my daughter was born 2 years ago I realized my words could be healing for others as well. This motherhood thing is hard sometimes, but we don't have to go through it alone.

Instead of Counting Down the Days until My Marine Came Home, I Counted My Blessings

In: Motherhood
Mother and two children holding "welcome home" signs next to soldier daddy, color photo

It was a relatively mild morning in October—cool even, considering we were in the middle of the Mojave Desert. We stood atop a concrete amphitheater overlooking a grass field in the middle of the small USMC installation known as Twenty-Nine Palms. All the unit’s seabags were lined up in neat rows, each one stuffed to bursting. John held our daughter Eleanor who had just woken up from a nap in her infant carrier. Blearily, she looked around and then smiled when John paused his conversation with some of his friends to coo at her. I sat with our son Sawyer...

Keep Reading

I Am an Adult with Autism

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and three children in wildflowers, color photo

Thirty years. That’s how long it took for me to get the right diagnoses. Thirty years. Of struggles. Of shame. Of depression and anxiety. Of bullying. All without knowing the true causes and what was really going on. I never would have believed you if you told me a few years ago that I was autistic. It wasn’t until all three of my children were diagnosed with autism that I started to see the similarities and begin to question. At first, I thought there was no way. Wouldn’t I have known by now? It just can’t be. So I threw...

Keep Reading

I Hope My Daughter Loves Her Future Mother-in-Law

In: Motherhood
Bride holding mother's hands

I’m a proud boy mom. I catch bugs, I catch balls (in the house), and I try my best to catch my boys’ every fall. I love it. I love being a boy mom. There is one part I don’t like: everyone telling me they will leave as soon as they meet “the one,” and their wife’s family will push my husband and I out of the picture. “A boy is yours ‘til he finds a wife, a daughter’s your daughter all her life.” I’d heard it too many times from older moms who chuckle as if the rhyming covers...

Keep Reading

Adoptive Parents-To-Be Deserve to Be Celebrated Too

In: Motherhood
Couple making heart with hands

My husband and I are on a very exciting journey—we are in the process of adopting our first child! Wow, we are stoked beyond words. Albeit we are on the front end of the journey at this point (as in just now about to complete our home study). Yet we are knee-deep and in the thick of it all. After struggling with infertility for about two years and many doctors’ appointments later, it became clear that natural conception is not how we will become parents. We never thought we would encounter infertility. Infertility has been hard and a grieving process...

Keep Reading

I’m Thankful for the Community We’ve Found

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Community on street having a picnic

It was the end of the school holidays, and the return to school after Christmas was looming. The children had had two weeks at home. The general sense of routine was lost for the boys, with late nights and relaxing days watching YouTube while playing their Switch. I was eager for routine to make a reappearance through school. As we headed into the weekend before the start of school, Josh had a cough and then a fever, and it became clear this would not be the week I had envisioned. By Monday morning the boys appeared more lethargic than usual,...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Take it from a Mom Who’s Been There: It Gets Easier

In: Motherhood
Mother with teen daughter embracing and smiling outside

My view from home is changing as my oldest is now married and my youngest is wrapping up his college career. But dear mom of little ones and even those not-so-little ones, I want you to know that I remember. I remember the side-eyes and the judging glances from older moms as I juggled toddlers doing their toddler thing. All these years later, I still feel the harshness of their stings. I remember the gloom and doom declarations of “Just wait until they turn three, or ten, or thirteen . . .” Those almost gleefully delivered little quips that made...

Keep Reading

This is How to Support Miscarriage Moms

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Woman with arm around another woman sitting in field

When you hear the term miscarriage, what do you think? My initial thought was the loss of an unborn child, but have you ever really wondered what truly happens when you are having a miscarriage? Our first miscarriage occurred immediately after our wedding in 2019, we had a chemical pregnancy after conceiving while on our honeymoon. This means we had a positive pregnancy test, but by the time we got to our OB/GYN, I had the heaviest period of my life, resulting in a negative serum pregnancy test. That was hard enough to go through but was nothing compared to...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little girl praying, profile shot

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading